Saturday, May 15, 2021

A Fantasy Weeknight

When he heard the garage door open, his heart skipped a beat, and his excitement grew. Even after all this time together, he still found that the highlight of his day was the moment she walked in the door, because he knew that for the rest of the evening, he would have her to himself and could tend to her every need, mind, body and soul. He loved her endlessly, and there was nothing better than being in her presence. She, likewise, loved him more every day, and grew to cherish their particular brand of marriage, though it had taken some time to see herself the way he did. He poured her a glass of her favorite red wine. Everything else was ready.

He had recently retired, but he was by no means idle. He filled his days with a variety of activities, some of which were for his own physical and mental well-being. He exercised, read books and played his guitar at scheduled times each day, finding that a rigorous schedule was still the most efficient method of accomplishing a lot, and he had a lot to do. He spent hours around the house, doing special projects, fixing things and such. He was not so good at regular cleaning, although he was learning how to be better at it and understood the standards that she required. She actually enjoyed cleaning, so it was not a task that she had transferred to him; at least not yet. However, he did most of the shopping, the laundry, and ironing, by now.

She continued to work, not because they needed the money, but because she loved what she did, and she was exceptionally good at it. She loved helping people feel better about themselves, and she loved the social aspect of her job.

Having loved him from the start, it had taken some time for her to adjust to his feminine side. She was not expecting that when they’d met, because he gave no outward indication at a casual glance. Once you see the signs though, it becomes more apparent. His legs and arms were clean-shaven. In fact, as she soon discovered, he was completely hairless below the eyebrows, and even those were trimmed short and somewhat shaped. He had not tried to hide his nature from her, and he unfurled his colorful flag just as fast as he reasonably could, striving to be honest and open while working to overcome his most dreadful fear of outright rejection and abject disdain. You do not begin a relationship by revealing your deepest secrets, that is simply weird.

Now, she knew of his penchant for dressing en femme, and encouraged it because she loved him, she knew that it made him happy, and she understood how the various threads of his psychological fabric were tightly interwoven. Surely, trying to extricate a single strand would jeopardize the entire tapestry.  No, she loved all of him, as he was. He sometimes would spend most of the day as his feminine alter ego if he had nowhere to be. Or if he did venture out, it might be in clothes that were from the ladies’ side of the store, but androgenous enough that no one seemed to notice. In the evenings, he would change his look, matching her preferences. She loved his masculine side, too, and he loved being what she needed him to be. He would wear something more feminine in the evening if she asked him to, which was a rare but not unheard-of occurrence.

He also wore a chastity device at nearly all times. It helped him avoid temptation, and its presence was a constant reminder of how he had surrendered himself to her, physically, emotionally, and sexually.  She now understood that limiting his orgasms led to feelings that he enjoyed immensely, a near constant state of simmering arousal, and deepened submissiveness.  She saw that he was even more eager and creative in finding ways to please her and make her life easier and recognized the mutual benefit of his servitude.

This day, for no particular reason other than to express his love, he set out to make a special evening for her. Pleasant surprises are an important part of a relationship. He did the meal planning and prepared a list of ingredients he required. Having worked as her assistant in the kitchen, he’d watched and learned. To be sure, his skills, knowledge and creativity were the second best in their household, but he was a far better chef than any other non-professional that he knew.

She had been vegan for years before they met, and while he had not been, he did eat a healthy diet, and so it was easy for him to immediately switch. Her amazing culinary skills quickly made him forget what eating used to be like. His realization of the cruelty surrounding animal-based products cemented his commitment to this new dietary routine. He was now vegan. He’d be anything she wanted him to be. Not only because he loved her, but because he trusted her, and he respected her brilliant mind and empathetic heart.

She walked in the door, and he greeted her with a smile, a long and enveloping hug, and a soulful kiss. He took her coat and bag from her and placed them where they belonged. He followed her into the kitchen, where her glass of wine awaited, shadowed by a fresh bouquet of flowers. She smiled and thanked him. Dinner was simmering, the table was set, the animals were fed, and music was playing in the background; there was nothing to do but be with her while she relaxed and unwound from her day.

She sat comfortably on the sofa, and he knelt before her. He positioned a foot basin, filled with warm, scented water just a few minutes prior, slipped off her shoes, and she placed them in the water. He loved her beautiful, sexy feet, as he did the rest of her, and knew that after standing for most of the day that they would be aching. She feared the aroma from a long day on them would be off-putting. He allayed her concerns with this routine of bathing them. While she soaked, he joined her on the sofa. She needed some time to catch her breath after a busy day, and so he just sat next to her, gently holding her hand. He could almost feel the tension of the day leaving her body.

After a few more minutes, he knelt again, taking one foot onto the towel draped across his lap. He dabbed at it until it was sufficiently dry and repeated the process with the other foot. Moving the basin out of the way, he brought out some lotion, and massaged it into her skin, further softening them and chasing away the tension that remained. They made eye contact, and she smiled. She could not tell who was enjoying this ritual more. When he finished, he reverently kissed the top of each foot and replaced her slippers.

They sat together for a while longer, and then she decided it was time to eat. She sat at the head of the dining room table, and he prepared and served their plates, then sat at the side of the table. As they ate, she related the stories of her day. He listened closely, asking questions, filling in the picture in is mind. She commented on the delightful meal that he’d prepared, and he was pleased that she found it delicious. She asked about his day, and he related the various events. She listened closely and wanted more details because she loved him.

Afterward, he cleared the table and set about to clean the kitchen, which did not take long, as he always cleaned as he went while cooking. “I’d like a bath,” she said to him, “tell me when it’s ready.” She went into her home office to tend to some post-hours business. He quickly finished his kitchen task and proceeded to draw the bath. It was a beautiful large free-standing soaking tub that they had installed in their recently remodeled Mistress Bathroom (Master Bathroom was just the wrong term). It could be accessed from all sides, which was perfect for their arrangement. Setting the water to the correct temperature, he added her favorite bath gel. He ensured the rest of the bathroom was neat and tidy. He set the lighting, lit some scented candles, and changed the music to one of her favorite playlists. He put some towels on the warming rack and ensured that her robe was within reach.

He heard her on the phone with a client as he approached her office, and he waited patiently until she finished. “My love,” he called to her quietly from the doorway, “your bath is ready for you.” She looked at him and smiled. She was getting used to his services and starting to accept the fact that she was deserving, but still she by no means took him for granted. “Thank you, sweetie, I’ll be there in a moment.  Why don’t you put on something sexy, and then you can tend to me in the bath?” It was not a question, it was a gift.

He took leave of her to do as she commanded.  He stripped and went to his special closet, choosing a new pink chemise with matching panties that she had not seen before.  As the garment covered his body, he slipped into a deeper state of submission. He padded into her bathroom, and she caressed his silky fabric approvingly. He slowly undressed her, removing her work attire, and then her undergarments. She stood there wearing only a smile, took his hand and allowed him to guide her into the perfectly conditioned water. At her behest, he fetched another glass of wine, and knelt at the side of the tub while she closed her eyes, sipped and relaxed. She had never been more beautiful as he watched her body soak in the warm bath.

“Wash me, now,” she instructed. She tilted her head back slightly as positioned himself at the head of the tub. He used a cup to pour water repeated onto her hair, careful to avoid it running onto her face. Sufficiently wetted, he gathered a dollop of her shampoo and began to massage her scalp and follicles, tending to her with reverence and appreciation for this high honor. Rinsing her, he repeated the actions with her conditioner. Moving to the side now, he took her each arm in turn and gently washed and rinsed them. She laid her head back, with her eyes closed, reveling in his ministrations. He washed her chest, spending more time than necessary ensuring her breasts were clean. They smiled at each other. The stimulation of her nipples always led to her arousal, and this time was no different. She brought his head forward, he suckled her breasts, and she cooed.

She leaned forward and he scrubbed her back. Then he proceeded to bathing her gorgeous legs and feet.  Oh, how he loved to tend to her body. He could not contain himself, and as he rinsed her feet, he gently took each toe in his mouth and sucked them. She watched him, amused, enthralled and inspired. He was performing over and above his expected duties. It was clear that the more she took charge, the more she required of him, the deeper his submission and devotion grew, and the happier they both were.

She reserved the cleaning of her womanly parts to her own hands, in part for hygienic reasons, but also to tease him further.  He watched her ministrations, reflexively licking his lips. She turned over to her knees and had him attend to one final region. He washed cheeks of her sexy backside, and then worked his hands up and down her intergluteal cleft, focusing repeatedly on her opening.  He circled it with his finger and probed inside it. He pushed inside with one soapy finger, and then a second.  He repeated, while listening to her moans of satisfaction.  “Make sure you get me nice and clean there,” she commanded, “clean enough to eat.” He grew firmer in his cage. He had confessed to her is desire to worship her ass with his lips and tongue, and she had thus far declined. It seemed that this night she would grant him the honor. Another step on their journey. He shook with anticipation as she emerged from the bath and he applied the towel to her fabulous female frame. “Go and turn down the bed, place some pillows in the center. Brush your teeth, and wait for me,” she instructed.

He did as he was told, and she came into the bedroom, naked and beautiful. She kissed him and grasped his caged cock and swollen balls.  “If you do a good job worshipping my ass tonight, I might let you out.” He had not needed the extra motivation. This was yet another fantasy, coming true. She laid on the bed, her gorgeous glutes prominently displayed. He knelt behind her, and softly kissed her cheeks, then more passionately. He licked her cleft, repeatedly, long slow flat-tongued movements that heightened their arousal. He parted her cheeks just a bit more and looked at her opening. He knew the term ass-kisser was derogatory. He was now an ass-worshipper. But it was not an act of humiliation or punishment. It was an act of love, on both their parts. A new way for him to demonstrate his limitless love for her, and a new way for her to accept it.

He kissed her opening, gently and repeatedly, with closed lips, both of them getting used to the feeling. Then, without thought, he opened his mouth and kissed her more passionately. She let out a grateful moan, and it inspired him. He kissed her more deeply, more urgently. His tongue flickered out across her flesh. It circled and darted, checking her comfort level. She shifted, raising her ass a bit higher. He pressed further against her opening with his lips.  He stiffened his tongue and probed, pushing past the opening to the vestibule of her most private region. He wiggled it around and she spoke, “oh, that feels soooo nice.” He pushed further and further, until his tongue was as far into her as it could go. He plunged and swirled, kissed and licked, bathed and caressed her opening. She reached one hand under and began to stimulate herself.  He continued his oral homage as she masturbated. He inserted one, then a second finger into her very wet pussy, sawing in and out at a tempo that varied from that of his tongue. She voiced greater and greater sounds of pleasure as her approaching orgasm gathered strength. Then, like a Tsunami, it crashed upon her. He could feel her convulsions on his tongue and his fingers as her muscles squeezed and relaxed in great spasms of ecstasy.

He continued ministering to her, feeding her pleasure, mindful of her own actions. When her orgasm subsided, and he sensed her hand moving away, he withdrew his fingers and his tongue. She lay in post-orgasmic bliss. He hurriedly went to rinse his mouth and brush his teeth, and upon returning, lay next to her, kissing her face, caressing her body, and sharing the joy that she felt. They moved the pillows, allowing her to lay flat and comfortably. He continued his soft caresses, and gentle kisses. He expressed how much he loved her and thanked her for allowing him to worship her in that way. “It won’t be the last time,” she replied. They lay quietly together for a time, and he realized that she’d fallen asleep. He arranged the covers over her body, removed his lingerie, and lay next to her, watching in awe this most beautiful and wonderful lady with whom he had so totally fallen in love. There would be no release for him this night. Still, he had never been happier than at that moment.

Wednesday, May 12, 2021

A Fantasy Weekend

It began on Friday in the early afternoon. They both had the day off, but she had some things to do in the morning that did not require his participation. They had discussed the upcoming weekend, and she had sent him a list of expectations and preparations. She provided only and outline of the itinerary, thus allowing her the flexibility to make on-the-fly changes. 

He, having been locked and chaste for coming up on two weeks, was energetic and full of anticipation. He set his preparation with seriousness and focus. He'd waited his whole life for a weekend like this, and he was desperate not to fuck it up. Having confessed his deepest fantasy to her, he looked at himself in the mirror as he shaved and reflected on the direction his life had taken since they'd met. He had known about his submissiveness for practically the whole of his life. He'd suffered heartache and humiliation (not the good kind) because, well, men aren't supposed to be submissive. They aren't supposed to be crossdressers. They aren't supposed to be sissies. They aren't supposed to value the woman's pleasure more than their own. 

She did not see him as submissive when they met. They had fallen in love quickly, and he did his best to be open and honest about his nature from the outset. For someone not used to seeing people in the context of "dominant" or "submissive," what he had to say was not easily internalized. It was only after countless hours of conversation, endless hours of her own research, and hundreds of sessions of love-making that she began to understand him, and something about herself as well.

A beautiful woman in every sense of the term, she also gained great satisfaction from giving, and not only to those whom she loved. She was kind to strangers, to the downtrodden, and to creatures of all species. Her heart opened to those who, like herself, had not been treated well in the past. 

She had not thus far had the benefit of finding a man who would treat her with the respect, love, and kindness that she so deserved. Until she met him. Her life changed that day. The road they were now on was not what she'd ever expected or could even have imagined. But each day, as he expressed and demonstrated his ever-deepening love to her, she felt herself changing inside. She was silly, funny, snarky, and playful and they filled each other with laughter in the kitchen, in the car, and nearly everywhere. She felt safe for the first time expressing her sexuality.  She wore sexy lingerie, she touched herself while he watched. She tied him up, blindfolded him, and bid him to worship her womanhood. As she asserted control over their lovemaking, he surrendered willingly, providing assurances that reinforced her confidence to take them further down the road than either had ventured previously.

"You are the love of my life," he'd said to her. "There is nothing that I would not do to please you, and to make your life better."  She believed him, but she didn't fully fathom the depth of that declaration, nor visualize the possibilities. She'd received his worshipful ministrations, been the beneficiary of a tongue that danced and flitted across her most sensitive and moist regions, taking her on orgasmic journeys to heights she'd never achieved. She witnessed the firmness of his erections whenever he pleased her orally, without any direct stimulation, and understood that his devotion was sincere. Whenever he entered her, he moved in ways to maximize her pleasure. He could go indefinitely, remaining hard and not climaxing, so long as it was pleasing to her. He would stop without climaxing if she so desired.

She wanted to reciprocate, as was her nature. She said to him, "tell me your fantasy, and I will make it come true."  She had a good idea by now what made him tick. She felt him grow harder inside her that time she whispered, "you are not allowed to cum today. Maybe tomorrow."  She heard the moan escape his lips when she bid him to wear lingerie, and then caressed him and told him how sexy he was. She anticipated that his fantasy would be along those lines, pushing the envelope further.

He thought long and hard about what he wanted, what to say. It was a complex question. An easy answer, consistent with the stories and videos easily found on the web, would involve her doing various things to him, the details of which the reader may imagine for themselves. She could tie him up and tease him for hours maybe, or peg him while he was in chastity, or maybe dress him like a maid and have him do her laundry, cleaning, etc. But these were not his ultimate fantasy. Oh, to be sure, they were stories he'd read, and masturbated to. Stories and images that got him off, sometimes. He thought to be careful not to idealize, not to project an unrealistic vision of a "perfect" scene that would playout exactly as he imagined. No, any fantasy-come-true would be different. It would be less of a caricature and more real. There would be uncertainty, nervousness and goofs. They would maintain a sense of humor, and not embody the stoic seriousness that he'd typically found in his browsing. He anticipated that these scenes might one day happen, tailored to the two of them. If she wished. 

That was the thing. What he wanted, more than anything, was for her to see herself as he did. He wanted her to realize and accept that she was deserving of his full and unfettered devotion. He wanted her to embrace the gift he was offering, and to accept, no, to require his humble and earnest service. He wanted that inner voice in her head that whispered negative thoughts to pack its bags and leave for good. He wanted the voice that took its place to say, "you are special, you are amazing, you are deserving. Relax and accept his gift."

He longed to be what she wanted him to be, in every circumstance. A fiancĂ©, soon to be her husband; a sous chef to her executive chef mastery in the kitchen, sharing the experience, assisting her, reveling in the sumptuous meals she so loved creating; a gardening partner, sharing ideas and dreams, shaping them into reality; traveling companions the world over, holding hands and experiencing newness at every turn. The list went on in his mind. Every task, every chore, every whim, every dream, every fantasy she had, he longed to embrace, for they would give him new opportunities to demonstrate the unconditional completeness of his love for her. He did not want her to see this as a responsibility or burden. He wanted her to see it as an opportunity for both of them, and a chance to live a more fulfilling life. Though he'd expressed those desires more than once, it was difficult for her to process and accept. Through repetition and consistency in words and action, the messaging started to get through. 

She was getting more comfortable receiving; she was recognizing the benefits to herself in accepting him as he was. Still, she thought, "I like to give pleasure, too. I like to do things for him that make him happy. I still want to be able to do that."  She had pondered this conundrum at great length, and having done so, she reconciled her thoughts. "Well, he wants to please me in every way. So, if it pleases me at times to have him as my submissive, and to have him do as he is told, he will. If it pleases me at times to have him as my equal partner, so he shall be. If it pleases me to take his burden for a while, and tend to him with lovingkindness, because it's my nature, then he will graciously accept my gift."

So, she decided that this weekend, she was going to take charge. They would be together the entire weekend. She was going to assert her dominance, in her own special way, sometimes commanding his every action, sometimes giving him freedom of choice, and sometimes tending to his body, mind and soul. That was what he wanted. That what what she deserved. He was in her thrall, and it was there that his deepest most sincere fantasy lay.

Thanks for reading.

Jen

Sunday, May 9, 2021

Her New Friend

I promised in my last post that I'd write about our adventure last week. We started out slowly and quietly; the two of us naked and embracing under the covers, our legs intertwined, our hands caressing each other and our lips gently locking and releasing in short and erotic cycles. Our warm-up session displayed the deep love we have and served as a beautiful segue from the activity we'd been doing just prior.

We moved on to more heated and intimate activities, but without the toys and props, at least initially.  We arranged ourselves into a few different positions, both of us playing the role of giver and receiver.  One of my lady's favorite positions is when she lies on her back and I kneel next to her.  She is able take part of my cock in her mouth, which she really enjoys, and I can caress her pussy with my fingers.  She gets very wet and engorged when aroused and she loves how I touch her.  I love this position as well, for all the same reasons.  Then, I had an idea.

I excused myself from our arrangement and retrieved the 7.5" realistic dildo that readers will have met a few stories back.  I said, "I brought your new friend out to play."  She smiled.  I placed it at her lips, and she sucked on it for a bit to make it wet. The fact of the matter is, she really didn't need to make it wet, but I thought it'd be fun to offer it to her. It was a turn-on watching her do that, and I'm fairly sure she liked it too.  

Resuming my prior position, she took my cock back in her mouth and I proceeded to rub her new friend over her pussy, and then I pushed it slowly inside her. I worked it gradually and carefully, trying to ensure her wetness lubricated the whole shaft as it penetrated further. Once it was all the way in, I started repeatedly thrusting it into her, gauging her reaction, looking to ensure that it was comfortable and maximized her pleasure.  From her ministrations on my cock and her verbal cues, I'd say I was succeeding.

The only thing about the position we were in is that it's a bit tough on my back and legs, and after a while I felt like I had to change.  We moved into a sixty-nine, with her on top (always).  I brought her new friend to the entrance of her vagina, and while licking her clitoris started to push it back in. The dildo was a little dry, and so I did the logical thing.  I took the head of it into my mouth and got it nice and wet.  I was able to slide it right inside her.  

I have to say, that in many years of reading sex stories, viewing images, and fantasizing about various acts, one that had turned me on more than once was the position in which we were situated; a sixty-nine, with her taking a cock in her pussy and me getting a close-up view while sucking on her clitoris.  Nevermind that this cock was fake; it was real enough for me in this instance, and it really turned me on.  I'm quite confident that it turned her on as well.  I worked the cock vigorously into her while enveloping her clitoris with my lips and gently flicking it with my tongue.  Once I pulled it too far out and it hit me on the face. I opened my mouth and sucked her juices from it, then put it back in. She tastes so good. I felt so submissive and turned-on at that moment, I'd have done anything to please her.

When she came, it was a big one. It went on for a good while as I watched her spasm, squeezing the cock, and I continued to stimulate her orally.  I didn't orgasm that day.  I don't think I should refer to mine as a climax.  I think that her orgasms are our climax because of how much we both love it when she comes.  Mine should be called something else, maybe an aftershock. It's just not as important to me. My lady, my love, my everything feels differently. She wants me to have orgasms. She's happy in a similar way when she makes me cum as I am in the reverse. 

I do of course enjoy my orgasms. I would also be happy to cum if for no other reason than she wants me too.  It's just sometimes, I can't get my head in the right space, and the orgasm eludes me.  Early in our relationship, my inability to climax weighed on both of us. She felt as though it was her fault, somehow. Only through extensive conversation and reassurances has she come to realize that it's all in my head, and it's ok if I don't come.  She has, on occasion, told me that I'm not permitted to come during our lovemaking. That's a headrush for me.  She's also instructed me to be sure and save myself for her by not cumming during the week, even if I masturbate.  I like that she's dabbling with controlling my orgasms. I don't want it to be a burden for her, but I really like abstaining at her behest. 

Thanks for reading.

Jen


Monday, May 3, 2021

My Darkest Fears

 "Fear keeps us focused on the past or worried about the future. If we can acknowledge our fear, we can realize that right now we are okay. Right now, today, we are still alive, and our bodies are working marvelously. Our eyes can still see the beautiful sky. Our ears can still hear the voices of our loved ones."

--Thich Nhat Hanh

Something has been gnawing at me for quite some time.  It was difficult to put a finger on it.  I've been having difficulty sleeping for quite a while.  As the Howard Hamlin character from Better Call Saul states, I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

In a word, I think the culprit has been fear.  Also known as worry.  I've been worrying about a lot of things lately.  I'm dealing with a very-pressure job, and there are a lot of changes coming in my life soon. I'm getting married, moving house, and also probably retiring soon.  Each of those is a known stress-inducer by itself; collectively they are daunting. I have always had a tendency to fret over my past and worry about my future. I know that living in the moment is important. I've tried mediation in the past, and may do so again.

Perhaps my biggest fear has been whether I'm good enough for my lady.  I know that she loves me, deeply.  She says it and shows it in so many ways. I love her orders of magnitude more deeply than I thought possible.  There's just a part of me that thinks I'm undeserving of love, inculcated over the years by abusive siblings, a long-lasting but utterly failed marriage, and probably some amount of inherent nature.  My fear, as expressed by that bastard of an inner voice, was that if she really knew me at the deepest layer, she would not feel the same way about me.  That one day, she'd announced that she just can't be with me.  

So, what would be the causal factor in said break-up?  Me. As in Jennifer. The name I've given to my crossdressing self. It seems that women that are not absolutely repulsed by men who crossdress are rarer than a unicorn in a tutu.  Of that number, woman who are accepting of such behavior are a mere sliver of a fraction.  What are the chances that my lady occupies that rarified space?

Well, as it turns out, the answer is 100%. We had a long, tear-filled conversation yesterday about this blog.  As you know from prior posts, I invited her to read it.  She was hesitant; not sure what surprises it might hold. I reassured her that I had no more "big reveal" moments; that she knows about all my "quirks."  Still, I express thoughts here with more detail and clarity than I can provide in conversation.  I think deeply about things, and conversations usually move too fast for me to fully express myself properly.  I invited her to this blog so that she could read my thoughts in detail. I don't want to hold secrets. I want her to truly know me.  My fear was, that once she did...

I need not have.  I received this text from her last night, after she left..  "Well, I read everything.  I love you more than ever.  Fear not. You are *still* my everything."

There are things left to explore. But they are within the territory already staked out. She truly does love "all of me."  I am over the moon.

By the way, we also had a pretty amazing love-making session this weekend. That deserves its own post; hopefully soon.

Thanks for reading.

Jen


Saturday, May 1, 2021

Blog Readers

My lady asked me last week to send her the link to some blogs, so that she could learn more about what turns me on.  Have I mentioned how amazing she is?

I thought about several that I follow, but I didn't really feel like any one in particular was a good example, by itself, of the things that interest me.  While each is appealing to a degree (why else would I follow them?), they are not completely in line with what I like. Some focus entirely on aspects that only mildly interest me, and some include topics as a minor element that don't appeal to me at all.  Others are so "out there" that I follow them out of fascination rather than similarity to my interests. 

I had been thinking the whole time that my own blog - this one - is the one that I should share. My primary hesitancy was whether knowing that she was going to read it would change what I write.  The answer is, probably so. But that's ok. It could be better than ok.

I sent her the invitation. I hope she likes what she reads.  I'll let you know.

Thanks for reading.

Jen

Tuesday, April 27, 2021

A New Metal Device

I've been wanting to try a metal cock cage for quite a while. I hear positive reviews of Mature Metal's devices, but am not quite ready to spend that amount of money, only to find out that metal doesn't suite me.  I found this one recently and ordered it:

Lock the Cock / Rings of Abstinence

It arrived yesterday, and I immediately washed and put it on.  When my lady arrived for dinner, I showed it to her.  She's concerned that it's too small, because my cock was pretty well filling it up. I told her that's because of the circumstance, me standing naked in front of her, she holding my cock and balls in her hand. Yeah, that sort of makes me aroused.  :-) 

First impressions:

  1. Quality. You get what you pay for.  I know that.  The finish is ok, but not well polished. Still, I think it'll be good enough to experiment with, which was my objective.
  2. Weight. Obviously, metal is going to be heavier.  This one has fairly thick pieces, so I think it's heavier than it probably needs to be.
  3. It's trickier to put on than the Holy Trainer.  You have to be careful not to pinch your skin in between the metal stabilizer pins and their holes. Ouch!
  4. It's also a bit harder to slide into. I use a bit of hand lotion, and my HT pretty much goes right on.  This, because of its open spaces, take a little more manipulation
  5. Size. I got the largest ring, and that part feels ok. The cage itself only comes in one diameter, and it is a bit small for me.
I wore it for several hours last evening, and there are no indications of irritation.  I'm going to wear it for a longer period today and see how it does.

Thanks for reading.

Jen



Monday, April 26, 2021

Jennifer Sort of Makes an Appearance

I slept at my lady's house over the weekend. It was after our little adventure that I described in my last post.  After she left to tend to things at her house, I started taking care of my tasks at my own place before heading over. As I prepared to go, I decided to wear only ladies' clothing.  Ladies' collared shirt (buttons on the other side), panties (all I wear, anyway), jeans, socks and sneakers.  All the externals would pass without a second glance in public 99% of the time. I know, because I frequently dress that way when I go out to run errands.  I don't look feminine, mind you.  No make-up, wig, or jewelry, just a guy proving that hardly anyone looks closely at you anymore. They're all pre-occupied with their phones.  

Anyway, I decided to be bold, and brought only a chemise, panties and a ladies short grey robe for the morning.  The chemise is my nicest one, and my lady has seen it before,  It's from Macy's, the Jenni brand. I don't think they sell that particular style anymore, but I found this image of it.

I didn't sleep well, so I went to her guest bedroom to finish out the night. I awoke later than her, and boldly donned the chemise, panties and robe, and padded into the kitchen to kiss her good morning and have coffee.  

Let me just say, she's amazing. We hugged and kissed, and sat down to enjoy our coffee.  I looked at her, bared my shoulder to show the strap and said something like, 

I thought I'd wear this, is that ok?

I noticed it when you first came down. Yes, it's ok.  Does it make you feel good?

Yes, it does. 

My eyes welled up.  She saw that, stood, came over and hugged me. She said,

I love all of  you.  I want you to be happy.

I kissed her, and I cried.  For years, I've been guilt-ridden by my longing for woman's clothes, and femininity in general. I've lost so much - a marriage, friends, family.  And here is this woman.  This amazing, beautiful, intelligent, strong, caring, loving woman who loves all of me.

I cannot yet fathom the fortune that has come to me. It's difficult to even write about it without welling up.

Thanks for reading.

Jen

P.S. I just realized that the name my favorite outfit by Jenni is so similar to my nom de plume.  It's either coincidence or some deeper connection that I'd not noticed before.  It can also be seen in my icon.




Triple Penetration

We had another awesome weekend. The vanilla side was filled with love, laughter, family and birthday celebrations. We shopped and cooked and ate meals together. Spending time with my lady is what I live for, no matter what we do.  She feels the same way.  We never knew love could be like this. 

On the kinkier side, and since that's the point of this blog, we had an amazing weekend on that front as well.  We started out more traditionally, without any special equipment.  The bondage straps were affixed to the bed just in case she wanted to tie me down, but we ended up not using them.  She wore a simple but beautiful bra and panty set, both pieces of which were open (what do you call a "crotch-less bra"?).  I had quick and easy access to her beautiful lady parts. She gets very aroused with nipple play, and I do love to kiss and suck on them, both for the selfish pleasure I get and for the stimulation it brings her.  She became very wet and proceeded to lower herself onto my mouth shortly after hearing me beg for it.  I'm so easily controlled...  :-)

Our session continued in various permutations of oral and PIV activities, leading up to something that I'd promised her earlier in the week. My lady wants to have anal sex. For reasons I don't fully understand, I've been a bit less eager to penetrate her that way than I should be.  I think it's mostly because it feels like a dominant act on my part, which is out of character.  But I told myself that she wants it, and I want to please her, and so I will do it for her.  That's being a good submissive, right?

I asked her if she was ready, and she told me to get the "pink thing," a small dildo around five inches long, and not too thick.  It's obviously phallic-shaped, but otherwise it looks nothing like a real cock.  It's a good start. Before going off to gear up, I used a finger, and then two in order to loosen her up a bit.  I then inserted a well-lubricated glass plug.  I strapped the pink one on, just above my actual cock. I also brought out the realistic-looking cock we'd used last week. I had an idea.

I slowly pulled the glass out and confirmed that she was ready. With her on all fours and me behind, we worked together to place and slowly penetrate her bottom.  She took it quite well, with little discomfort. After confirming that it felt good, I started thrusting slowly, gently.  She loved it.  Surprisingly, I did as well. This position isn't super comfortable for me, but the act of taking her backdoor with a strap-on was really stimulating for me.  My cock was also looking for some action, so I suggested we try double penetration.  It was a bit of an assembly challenge, getting flaps A and B into slots 1 and 2, but we managed.  Here it helped to have a longer than average cock, because the angle and distance were not optimal. We made it work.  

Wow, it was spectacular for both of us.  To throw gas on the fire, I handed her the other dildo, and asked her to suck it.  There she was, the love of my life, penetrated in her three openings. The visual image, physical stimulation, and psychological impact on me was intense.  I had to stop moving. 

What's wrong?

Nothing, I'm close, and I don't want to come yet.  I want you to come first.

I want you to come.  I'll use it to lubricate myself.

I came.  Hard.  Really hard. We switched positions, me on the bottom, the pink one going back into her ass.  I watched her bring herself to climax while I stimulated her nipples. She radiates when she comes. There's no better sight than watching her orgasm.

We cuddled.  Exchanged tender kisses.  A song came on, and we sang it to each other.  How sweet it is to be loved by you.  Sweet indeed.  Lovely, fun, fulfilling, erotic. She penetrates my core.  We love each other beyond description.

I have another story from the weekend, but it deserves its own post.  I'll try to write it soon.

Thanks for reading.

Jen

Sunday, April 18, 2021

A Double Barrel, of Sorts

This weekend, my lady and I had a new adventure.  We'd been busy all week (as usual), and really motivated to have some good quality time together.  She whispered in my ear on Friday, "you'd better rest up tonight, because I have big plans for you tomorrow."  I did not need to hear that twice.  On Saturday morning, I received further instructions, and taking the initiative to fulfill the explicit ones, but also carry out the spirit of her commands, I proceeded to the bedroom.  

I cleansed myself inside and out, and I took a razor to my entire body.  The only hair I have is on my eyebrows (trimmed) and head (short); I am bare everywhere else.  Post shower, I inserted the largest of my butt plugs, locked myself in my pink Holy Trainer, and wore a pair of pink Vanity Fair Illumination bikini panties.  She loves me in pink, what can I say?  I fastened the bondage straps near the head and foot of the bed, and placed the cuffs on my ankle and wrists.  I then padded downstairs to fetch two wine glasses and a bottle of Pinot Noir, as per her instruction.  

As she announced via text her impending arrival, I finished the preparation with a surprise for her, sliding a dildo harness on, and then latching my ankles and one wrist to the straps.  Oh, the harness held a life-like cock, one of those double-silicone types that is firm but flexible, the same length as mine, and almost as large around. I'm happily endowed with a cock one may not normally associate with a submissive, feminine-feeling and crossdressing sissy. But there you have it. I am as I am, and I try not to bother pondering why.  I pulled the sheet over my body, placed a blindfold over my eyes, and waited.  

I heard her arrive, and ascend the stairs.  Pulling back the covers, she touched the cock (I could feel it move against the harness). "My, my, what have we here," she declared. I said to her, "if you're not comfortable with this, we don't have to have it." Well, trust me, she was comfortable with it.  She removed my blindfold, revealing a sexy lavender teddy that showed off her beautiful, womanly curves. She rubbed her moist pussy and traced her finger across my lips.  She then started stroking the cock. She kissed the head of the cock, and then started sucking on it, locking eyes with me as she did. I was watching her suck cock, right where my cock usually is, but I couldn't feel it (of course). 

The mixed messages that my brain tried to reconcile sent me into a sexual frenzy. It was one of the most erotic events I've ever seen.  What I felt was a combination of excitement from multiple fantasies rolled into one: chastity, submission, feminization, cuckolding.  My actual cock was straining to break free of its confines, but that would have to wait. She moved up and sat on my mouth, so that I could savor her taste, see how wet she was, and feel her magnificently engorged clitoris on my lips and tongue. I could worship her pussy for hours, but alas I was only permitted a minute or two. She then moved down and rubbed the cock all over her pussy, getting it wet. I watched in awe and excitement as she took her new friend into her pussy, as our eyes stayed locked on each other. She rode the cock, and presented her beautiful nipples for me to worship. I met her movements with thrusts of my own, again with my brain expecting but not receiving the normal coordinated signals from my several senses. 

She could have come that way. She got close, and it didn't take long. But she didn't want to. We had a lot of time and a lot more fun to have. She did eventually free my various parts from their various restraints, and we concluded the session quite satisfactorily for both of us.  

We cuddled, cooed, and dozed afterward, having re-expressed our deep and abiding love for each other.  This magical moment was made possible by love, trust, communication, and adventurous spirit.  She is awesome, and I love her more every day. Not just for what I write about here, but for a long, long list of other reasons.  I am very fortunate.

Thanks for reading.

Jen  

Sunday, April 4, 2021

She Said It

Several weeks ago, I gave my lady one of the two keys to my Pink HT.  I keep the other are my key ring.  Last week, I bought her a silver chain so she could wear the key between her breasts. It's something we both find erotic. She wore it to her workplace, tucked inside her top, but the chain was visible around her neck, and it drew more interest from her co-workers than she anticipated.  One of them asked probing questions.  Did (my name) give it to you?  What's on it?  Do you have a vile of his blood on it?  My lady said she turned red, further raising suspicions. We had a good laugh about it. I got to thinking that if she decided to disclose the actual purpose of the chain, I would be ok with that. Obviously, she has to work with these ladies, so such a decision is hers. I doubt she will but I guess we'll see.

As to wearing the device, I'm using it to help myself not masturbate. I truly want to save myself for times with her. A few weeks ago, I let us both down by masturbating during the week, and my performance with her the next time we made love was disappointing for both of us. I am determined to not let that happen again.  I want to give over control and decisions about my orgasms to her, but at the same time I don't want to burden her with that responsibility. We'll go at her pace and to the depth of control she wants to exert.  

I can wear the device all day at home and while out and about without issue. I don't wear it to work though, just because urinating would require sitting in a toilet stall. They aren't clean enough for my liking in normal times, but in COVID-19 times it's just not something I want to deal with. I've tried wearing it over night, and while it's doable, it does disrupt my sleep. I already don't sleep particularly well, so that's kind of an issue. In any case, the HT is indeed helping me control my masturbation, even with the limited use I've explained.

On Friday, we made love in the afternoon. My son announced he was going to visit for the weekend, so we took advantage of the free time we had before he arrived. My lady texted me that she was ready and had the key with her. Unfortunately, technology intervened, and I didn't get the text notification. She arrived and was sort of pretend angry that I'd not responded, and was not ready for her. I quickly remedied the situation, took a quick shower and we proceeded with the festivities. 

There is no greater sexual pleasure for me than orally pleasing my lady. I could do it every day for hours, methinks. She also likes to perform oral on me, and it feels wonderful. Our favorite position is 69, with her on top, controlling the action. She'll come that way every time, unless she stops me so that she can orgasm with me inside her, again, with her on top (noticing a theme, here?)  She came in my mouth this time, and it was glorious. Watching her spasm, tasting her, hearing her climax is awesome. 

My lady always comes first, for simple and obvious reasons. Whether I come at all is an open question.  Sometimes, I just can't quite get there. The center of my sexuality is my brain, not my penis, and if my mind isn't in the right place, no amount of physical stimulus will overcome that. The length of time between my orgasms is also a key factor. Yesterday, I was quite ready, and she commented on how hard I was. Indeed.  After her climax, she'll often ride me for a while, still obtaining pleasure, although her particular lady parts are quite sensitive post-orgasm.  After that, she'll lie on her back and we'll do missionary position. That's normally how I come. 

This time, while I was inside her and thrusting vigorously, she whispered to me, "you're not allowed to come today."  That made me get even harder, and my thrusts got more vigorous. "Ok," was all I could muster in response.  "Yes, my lady," or some such reply would have been more suitable. I did manage to say, "I'll continue for as long as you like, and then I'll stop."  So, that's what we did. I kept at it for a good while longer, both for her pleasure and to further the tease for me.  Then, she signaled it was time. I rolled off.  She took me in her mouth for a minute or so, and then she laid down next to me.  We cuddled, and expressed our deep mutual love for each other, as my erection receded gradually. The rest of the evening was tender and wonderful. We worked together in the kitchen making dinner, hugging and kissing along the way, and we had a splendid time with my son and his girlfriend.

I don't know when I'm going to be permitted to come. I suspect it will be today, if we can find the time to be together.  If not, I suppose it will be a long week.

Thanks for reading.

Jen