What is Humiliation?

Tonight we talked about humiliation. My lady has made it clear that a hard limit for her is that she will not do anything that causes her to lose respect for me, or to humiliate me.  I am in complete alignment with that. The most important aspect of our relationship is our mutual love and respect for each other. My lady is my everything, and I am hers. Our time in the bedroom (or elsewhere) is one facet that, however magnificent (and oh, is it ever!), does not outshine all the other aspects of our life together.

It got me thinking about what, exactly, humiliation is. Yeah, there's the Webster's definition. That's all well and good. However, I think she said it better already. If she "forced" me to do something that caused her to lose respect for me, that would be humiliating. We would both hate that. It would affect our whole relationship. I've read stories about Dommes who put their subs through all sorts of paces, for the sole purpose of laughing at them or denigrating them. That won't float either of our boats. In fact, I believe we'd take on water at an alarming pace. 

I am not in a position, nor of any mind to pass judgement on what works for others, although I do find myself hoping for a happy, healthy psychological ending for some of the folks whose stories I've read.

When we started the conversation, my lady assumed I was referring specifically to the instance in which she inadvertently released some piss into my mouth when I was worshipping her pussy. I did not find that the least bit humiliating, for the simple reason that she didn't do it to belittle me. Also, I liked it. A lot. I'd like to do it again. Whether we do, or experiment in other ways, time will tell. The litmus test remains, are we doing this out of love and respect in addition to a sense of adventure? If the answer is yes, then it is not humiliating, regardless of the activity.

Thanks for reading.

Jen

Tuesday Night Special

Yesterday morning, I left a comment on an Evolving Your Man article dealing with Delayed Ejaculation. The upshot is about how some men have trouble cumming by means other than their own hands. It's a challenge that I have as well. 

Last evening, my lady came to my house for dinner. I did all the meal prep work. She poured us both a glass of wine, and relaxed on the sofa with her feet up and made a phone call while I tended to the meal. I stopped the prep work and went to be with her while she finished her call. I had an overwhelming desire to rub her feet, and so I repositioned myself and did that for a while, until the cat decided he wanted attention and sort of took over the job, rubbing his furry little face over her feet. I guess you could say I got cat-blocked. I returned to the sofa next to her, and the cat joined us, curling up on her lap. He loves her, so who am I to complain. He's a cutie.

She finished her call, and I finished up the meal prep. It turned out well, and afterward, I suggested that we retire to the bedroom for some naked cuddle time. I laid on my stomach and she laid on top of me, grinding her sex into my ass. I know what I was thinking. I can't wait until she fucks me again. 

I turned over and she resumed laying upon my body. My cock grew hard quickly, and clearly she was ready. She mounted me for a brief fuck. I confessed to her that this evening was a fantasy come true for me. I recounted our evening as follows: I work in the kitchen, preparing the meal while she relaxes. I rub her feet to help her de-stress. We dine, I clean-up, and we retire to the bedroom where I worship her to orgasm. She definitely liked that idea, and while it didn't play out exactly that way, we have many more nights to work on it. 

She pulled off of me and tasted herself on my cock, knowing how it makes me ache for her taste. I begged for the chance to worship her pussy, and she granted mercy, settling on my mouth for a blissful but all too brief session. She rolled over and we lay together for a bit. I asked if I could lick her pussy more, and she declined, saying I'd have to wait.

I laid upon her instead. I believe we have an understanding that I can take the lead when the moment is right, and that she has veto power over my actions. There is no question in my mind that the moment she declares a limit, and end, or a change in what we are doing that I will comply immediately and to the best of my ability. 

My cock was still hard and rubbing against her sex. I made a move to enter her and she opened her legs in approval. I thrust vigorously, and she loved it. Soon I felt my climax approaching, and I passed the point of no return. I announced that I was about to come, and she made no sign that I was to stop. I don't think I could have at that point, but I suppose if we ever tells me to cease and desist that I will obey.

My orgasm was massive. As we kissed and calmed down, she confirmed my sense that she hadn't cum. I offered to go down on her to bring her off. I want to do that some time; eat her pussy after I've cum in it. It'll be a challenge for me doing that post-orgasm, but I've thought about it a lot and I am ready to try it. She told me that an orgasm wasn't going to happen for her because she was very tired and also had too much wine. We snuggled more and exchanged our mutual, ever deepening love for each other.

It a rare event that I cum and she doesn't. She said that was totally content, and so that made me happy. The evening served as a counterpoint to the comment I described at the beginning of this post.

A Memorable Weekend

I'm afraid I waited a bit long to write about the rest of our weekend, so some of what I'm going to say might be inaccurate, but I'll do the best I can. Specific details might be juxtaposed or flat-out wrong, but the feeling is not lost. Being in her presence fills me with happiness beyond words.

On Sunday, we had a bit of a recovery day. She came to my place and brought breakfast. We did some decluttering to help me get closer to moving in with her, dropped off some clothes at a charity collection place, did some shopping, had lunch, and generally hung out all day.  I was locked in my new Kink3D device. In the late afternoon, I worshipped her pussy and she had a satisfying orgasm.  She told me I wasn't allowed to come this day, which was a turn-on. We dined, and I spent the night with her, unlocked. 

I brought pajamas and a robe to wear in the morning. I'm trying not to push my crossdressing; it's far less important to me than she is, and her comfort takes precedence. She has been supporting of me, even directing me to wear a chemise during love-making, and she tells me I look hot. Not nearly as hot as she, but I greatly appreciate the compliments. One evening this weekend, we wore matching style chemises of mine; she chose the pink one and I wore black (the one she'd worn the night before). That was fun.

On Monday, we awoke and cuddled in bed. There's no better way to start a day than embracing the one you love. Things heated up and soon she was riding my cock, and oh that felt so nice. She orgasmed that way, with a little help from her fingers on her clitoris, and mine on her nipples. She didn't want me to go down on her, which I totally understand. We're both super conscious of being clean and smelling nice. At the same time, I get really turned on by her womanly aroma and taste when the opportunity to worship her occurs not immediately after she showers. Maybe that's a boundary that is somewhat movable. I went home to tend to some things, and she did likewise. We had some family obligations in the mid-afternoon, and then went to my place after, in separate cars. I prepared things while awaiting her arrival.  

She had several specific instructions. I asked if I should be locked or unlocked.  "Locked," she said with authority and without hesitation. That caused some swelling. I also arranged a camera on a tripod and some mirrors. The camera was screencast to the bedroom TV. She wanted to watch the action from different angles. I obviously didn't hit "record." I wondered if that was something she'd want. In one sense, that could be fun, but the risk of later accidental exposure is something to consider seriously.

When she arrived, I was in bed, three limbs secured to the straps, wearing a red chemise and my black cage. All the toys were clean and ready. She came in, attached my free arm and disrobed, revealing a sexy black lace teddy enshrouding her gorgeous, womanly body. Things were getting pretty tight down there by this point.

She teased me, playing with my caged cock, pinching and biting my nipples, making me beg to worship her pussy, and giving me just the briefest taste now and again. I'm thinking that physical addiction to pussy might be a thing, because in addition to loving her so, I absolutely yearn for her taste. She touched herself, and placed her sticky delicious fingers in my mouth. So hot. She used the seven inch cock that looks like mine, rubbing it all over her pussy. I watched her taste it. Then she fucked herself with it while I stared, in awe. She pulled it out and offered the cock to me. I sucked it hungrily, tasting her sweetness. 

Eventually she untied and uncaged me, as she had other plans. I donned the strap-on with the pink dildo. With her on all fours, I lubricated her rear channel, and penetrated her. The intent was for my cock to penetrate her pussy at the same time, but it wasn't cooperating. Despite being really turned on by the whole scene, I couldn't get things going on my end. She improvised, rubbing my semi-erect cock against her clitoris while I fucked her ass. She sucked on the seven inch cock, while we watched ourselves on the TV. I was really hot, and she came furiously. We cuddled for a bit, and I started fondling myself. She told me she likes to watch me do that. With her encouragement, I got harder. 

She wanted me to come, so we decided to try the missionary position. She whispered how this was my chance to come, because afterward she was going to lock me up for the week. That definitely made me harder. I whispered that once we're married and under the same roof that I want her to have all the keys to my devices. I sensed a climax inbound, and it definitely felt like I was coming. My cock also rather quickly deflated. However, I didn't actually cum. No semen came out. It was odd, but not unsatisfying. While she watched, I inserted two fingers into her pussy to check.  I pulled them out and tasted them. All her, no me. Hmmm. It's ok, because it did feel like a climax. I just fired a blank round for some reason. 

The rest of the evening was spent over dinner and relaxing in front of the TV. Every day that I spend with her, I love her more. She is my world, my everything. 

Thanks for reading.

Jen

Love is Real

Love

Love is real, real is love
Love is feeling, feeling love
Love is wanting to be loved

Love is touch, touch is love
Love is reaching, reaching love
Love is asking to be loved

Love is you, you and me
Love is knowing we can be

Love is free, free is love
Love is living, living love
Love is needing to be loved

                    - John Lennon

I've known those lyrics for decades, but I never understood them until I fell in love with my lady. I never knew it was possible to love someone so deeply and completely. I thought it was just words by an amazing songwriter. Now, I know better.

Since this is a sex blog, that's what I'm going to focus on in this posting. However, the reader should know that this is representative of but one facet of the shimmering diamond that is our love.

We spent Friday afternoon together, going to a beautiful nearby garden before the rainy weekend started. We visited that garden early in our relationship, and ended the evening making love for the first time, so it has a special meaning for us. This day, after our visit we made love again. Passionate, intense, naked love that was extremely gratifying for both of us. It had been over four days for her, which is a long time for her to go without an orgasm. For me, the counter had reached twelve days. It had been a busy week that kept us both exhausted, and last week you'll recall that I didn't have an orgasm. Oddly, towards the end of the week, my sex drive seemed to wane. It was like 'the boys' had given up trying, and I wasn't feeling a strong urge. 

That changed rather quickly when we disrobed and climbed into my bed. The merest touch of her hands on my skin was enough to set off a DEFCON 1 alert, and within seconds I was ready to launch.  We kissed and stroked, I suckled her magnificent breasts and she tenderly bit and sucked on my nipples, which I love. She spent quite a bit of time orally tending to my cock. It felt fabulous. I have difficulty climaxing that way. I require rather vigorous stimulation, and cannot get past being concerned for her comfort. Regardless, the feeling is incredible. We then  moved into a sixty-nine, and I worshipped her glorious pussy while she sucked my cock some more. My lady came on my face fairly quickly; an intense, pressure relieving orgasm driven by the long (for her) abstinence. She bid me to mount her, and as she lay on her back I did just that. I was quite ready, very hard and close to the edge. We kissed passionately while I thrusted and looked into her sexy, smoldering eyes. She held her legs open, and seeing that out of the corner of my eyes, I stiffened and came, copiously, intensely, and at length.  We kissed tenderly and giggled like teenagers at the quickness of our session.

On Saturday, I received a new cock cage in the mail, fairly early in the day. It's a 3D printed device from KINK3D, which I learned about after reading Denying Thumpers' Post. I was thus wearing it, in addition to the panties and chemise I had been instructed to have on when my lady arrived. We had some afternoon coffee in hand and proceeded to the bedroom. My lady had purchased for herself a sexy black piece of lingerie that covered her breasts, pussy and not much else, though there were a lot of straps crossing about here and there. Coupled with her silky, dark, unfurled mane, her beautiful, penetrating eyes and that delicious red lipstick, I proceeded to conduct an unplanned stress test on the cage. Fortunately, but inexplicably it did not burst into a thousand pieces. We kissed tenderly, and I caressed her body, kissing various exposed areas of her skin. Her scent drives me wild. Her hands traced lines across the cottony garment that enshrouded by torso, and then outlined the cage through my panties. She pulled them down and inspected, approvingly, this latest symbol of my devotion and dedication to her.

To be clear, I do not need a cage in order to be dedicated to her, any more than one needs a ring to ensure their commitment. The cages that I wear are indeed symbolic of my commitment to her. When we are together, we have fun with them, and I remove it at her pleasure. When I am alone it is comforting to know that I am still hers, always and forever. I have not found a practical way to remain caged 24/7, but I do wear one as often as I can. It helps me feel closer to her. It does also provide an obstacle to a casual self-caress turning into an uncontrolled masturbation session. Although a key is handy, the very act of interrupting the mood to fetch it and unlock is sufficient to break the chain of events.

My lady caressed and teased my pent-up cock. She kissed, sucked and licked my balls. She twirled her tongue around the cage, and even took it into her mouth. The sight of these actions, and the slight feeling that I was able to detect drove me wild with lust for her. She is such a sexy and creative lady, and I love how she is learning more and more about how I tick.  

Given that I was locked up, my lady decided to play with me in other ways. I had assured her that, having climaxed the day before, I was in no danger if I remained chaste this day. At this stage in our lifestyle, my lady consults me on these decisions. I welcome her questions and offer my honest feedback. I told her as much, and added that if and when she feels comfortable making the decision on her own whether to unlock me, I will obediently and happily comply with her decision. That goes for my orgasms. The very thought of giving up control of my orgasms is very erotic. It's a game, but not a game. It carries some amount of responsibility on her part, and I do not want to pressure her into bearing it. However, at her pace, and to the degree she finds it stimulating and rewarding, I am a willing participant. 

She retrieved a rather large butt plug, the very large black dildo, and the harness from my closet, along with a couple of other objects which will be revealed shortly. I inserted the dildo into the harness and then strapped it on to my body, the long ebony dong dangling dangerously above the black cage ensconcing my above average but relatively diminutive cock.  She then lubed my rear passage. It felt so nice to have her fingers encircling and probing back there. The plug went in with a bit of resistance; it had been a while since I'd had something in there, but once settled in it felt nice. 

So, to complete the picture, there I lay, in my chemise, plugged, caged, and with a large cock strapped to my groin, while my lady settled onto my face and I began to worship her delicious pussy. She was very engorged and wet; clear signs of how much she was enjoying our time. She sucked the black dildo while I ministered to her, and although I could not actually see her actions, in my mind's eye I could visualize every flick of her tongue, every movement of her lips around the head of that dark beast.

She decided that she wanted me to fuck her with it, and so after a long, but never long enough session of pussy worship, she lay upon her back. At her behest, I lubricated her back opening, probing with one and then two fingers. I pushed the pink dildo into her, and handed her the other realistic-looking cock that's closer in size to my own. I gently rubbed the black one against her opening, teasing her, and then pushed gently inside. In this position, I normally have more feedback, but the lack of sensation from the penetrating cock led me to proceed cautiously. I asked multiple times for direction on speed and depth, ensuring that all of this was pleasing to her. I got into a rhythm that worked for her, and she started sucking on the cock in her hand. 

I recently listened to a Shameless Sex Podcast that my lady found and shared with me. In it, they talked about how some men - submissive crossdressers in this specific instance - can be driven by lust to want to suck cock, even when in normal situations they are not tempted, and do not consider themselves gay or bisexual. I resonated with that observation, and while watching her suck, I had an overwhelming urge to join her. I asked if I could, and she said yes. She placed it at my lips and kissed it and sucked the head into my mouth, we went back and forth a few times.

The overarching emotion I felt was total love. I would do anything she asked me to, because I trust her and I love boundlessly. She allows, no embraces my own desires, and it elevates our pleasures mutually. I felt completely uninhibited by any of the so-called taboo practices that have filled me with shame and guilt over the years. So, here I was at this point. My own cock locked up tight, a plug in my ass, wearing a chemise, fucking her with a large black cock, and sucking cock with her. Wow.

She directed me shortly thereafter to her breasts, which I alternately suckled, while she worked a finger onto her clitoris, massaging that beautiful organ while being stimulated in all these other ways. Her orgasm was massive, so far as I could tell. I was elated that she had achieved such an intense climax, and honored to have been instrumental (pun semi-intended) in that event. We lay still for a bit, while her black friend remained inside her. Eventually, she had me pull out, and I kissed tenderly, repeating how much I love her.

We unstrapped and removed the various phallic accessories. I put them aside for later washing. I put my panties back on, along with a matching robe. I gave her a chemise and robe to wear, we relaxed with some wine, and then we had dinner like that.  Afterward, we watched a movie, snuggling and holding hands, feeling more deeply in love than ever.

All this, and we're only halfway through the Memorial Day weekend. 

Thanks for reading.

Jen

Counting My Fortune

At times when I find myself navel-gazing too much, It helps to take stock of the many fortunes I have in my life. This is a short post to delineate a sample of them.

First, the love of my life, my lady. She is my world. There are two times in my life: when I'm with her, and when I'm longing to be with her. 

Second, my body. I'm healthy and I am endowed with an good brain and a body in which all parts continue to function nominally without medication.  I am grateful for the luck of the genetic roll of the dice that has thus far not landed on craps.

Third, my loved ones. I still have my mom, and I have wonderful, amazing children.

Fourth, my friends. I don't have a lot of them, but those that I have are deeply regarded and I cherish them.

Fifth, my wealth. I'm not rich, but I am in position to bring a good amount of financial resources into the relationship with my lady, so that when the day comes, we can retire comfortably.

Sixth, the reasonable intelligent, caring majority of people. The news can be horrid and depressing. But in the long arc of history we have a lot of progress to acknowledge, and also the huge amount of opportunity to be better, in countless ways. Intelligent, caring people are the key to continued progress.

Seventh, Joe Biden. Because normal decency and boring politics are seriously underrated.

There's a lot more.  But this is a sex blog, and there's no sex in this one, so you probably already lost interest.

Thanks for reading (if you made it this far).

Jen