Thursday, July 8, 2021

What is Humiliation?

Tonight we talked about humiliation. My lady has made it clear that a hard limit for her is that she will not do anything that causes her to lose respect for me, or to humiliate me.  I am in complete alignment with that. The most important aspect of our relationship is our mutual love and respect for each other. My lady is my everything, and I am hers. Our time in the bedroom (or elsewhere) is one facet that, however magnificent (and oh, is it ever!), does not outshine all the other aspects of our life together.

It got me thinking about what, exactly, humiliation is. Yeah, there's the Webster's definition. That's all well and good. However, I think she said it better already. If she "forced" me to do something that caused her to lose respect for me, that would be humiliating. We would both hate that. It would affect our whole relationship. I've read stories about Dommes who put their subs through all sorts of paces, for the sole purpose of laughing at them or denigrating them. That won't float either of our boats. In fact, I believe we'd take on water at an alarming pace. 

I am not in a position, nor of any mind to pass judgement on what works for others, although I do find myself hoping for a happy, healthy psychological ending for some of the folks whose stories I've read.

When we started the conversation, my lady assumed I was referring specifically to the instance in which she inadvertently released some piss into my mouth when I was worshipping her pussy. I did not find that the least bit humiliating, for the simple reason that she didn't do it to belittle me. Also, I liked it. A lot. I'd like to do it again. Whether we do, or experiment in other ways, time will tell. The litmus test remains, are we doing this out of love and respect in addition to a sense of adventure? If the answer is yes, then it is not humiliating, regardless of the activity.

Thanks for reading.

Jen

Wednesday, July 7, 2021

Awesome

My lady is awesome. I love her more deeply than I previously understood possible. 

I will recount some of the things I love about her, but inevitably I will neglect some important facet, because there are more aspects to her magnificence than my mind can retain at any given time.  Let me offer a short story about her.

As near as I can tell, my lady never really had a male figure in her life who treated her well.  I shall not recount the details, but neither her father, nor her ex-husbands gave her the respect and love that she deserves. Her exes had issues. I'll leave it at that. Still, she was able to separate their shortcomings from her own image of self-worth to a large degree. She is intelligent, ethical and strong. Not to mention beautiful, funny and so very sexy.

In spite of all that has been thrown her way, and yes, the choices she has made that didn't work out, my lady has been steadfast in her values. Her moral compass has never drifted. She tolerated unacceptable behavior, but only until she reached the decision that there was no longer the possibility of favorable resolution. She raised wonderful children without the support of a good husband, and for that alone she deserves a Medal of Honor.

You might imagine that, having had that history with men, when we started seeing each other her signal flares might have gone off. Danger, danger, Will Robinson... I disclosed as early as I could reasonably do so the "fatal flaws" that I felt that I carried, namely:

  • Divorced
  • Had an affair
  • Crossdresser

I have made many mistakes in my life. I shall not be defined by them. I have learned from them, and have grown substantially as a human as a result of them. Among my my mistakes was marrying a young lady (when I was a young man) with whom I could not communicate and from whom I grew apart. Having an affair was another one - a big one. I rationalized it, of course, but there's no defending it.  All I can to is own up to it, learn from it and move on. 

So, yeah, that's not a list of attributes a lady looks for in her man. It screams, "run for the hills!!!"  Particularly after the prior experiences she's had. It reminds me of this exchange in "As Good As It Gets" 

            CAROL

Why can't I have a normal boyfriend??? Why? Just a regular boyfriend who doesn't go nuts on me... 

BEVERLY
(butting in)
Everybody wants that, dear -- it doesn't exist...

That's definitely how I have felt - not normal. And I'm quite aware that I'm No. 3 of 3 in that regard in terms of the men who've lined up for her affections.

Except for two things. First, I love and respect her immeasurably. That makes me different than her prior men. Second, my lady makes me feel normal. Actually, she makes me feel exceptional. She makes me feel justified being who I am, how I am, and what I am. She sees the goodness in me (yes, I have good traits, too). She loves me for those traits, and she is learning to accept, and, dare I say, embrace my other "non-traditional" characteristics.

These past weekend was a long and glorious one. I had painted my toenails during the week, and as the weekend approached, chose not to remove the polish. My lady has been aware of my penchant for this, and has seen the evidence; I don't always do a great job removing all remnants. I left my socks on when she arrived, and explained why, emphasizing that I didn't want to push her out of her comfort zone. She smiled and said that she wanted to see them, so off came the socks and another step was taken. She complimented me on the job I did and said I looked sexy. What an amazing woman. Have I said that already?

We had a lot of sex this weekend. I cannot recount the events in sequence or in full detail. Frankly, I was too caught up in being with her to spend time committing it all to memory or writing it down. I remember vignettes, and I definitely remember feelings. I spent quite a bit of time, to my extreme pleasure, worshipping her pussy. I love everything about it, the taste, the feeling, the aroma, and most of all, how it makes her feel. I'm good at it, this I know. I told her that I'd love for her to grab hold of my head and just rub her pussy all over my face, using me to climax, and leaving my face a wet, hot mess that I'd leave unwashed for the rest of the day. We did that. Actually, I got a bit eager and did some of the moving myself. This surprised her, and she released maybe a half cup of pee into my mouth and onto my face, drenching me. It was warm and salty and I loved it. She didn't know that she'd done it until I told her. She was embarrassed and apologetic, until she saw how absolutely rock hard my cock had become. I wore her scent for hours. I could smell her and feel her on my skin after it dried. I felt possessed by her, marked and defined as hers, and I reveled in the feeling. I can't wait to repeat it.

She told me that I wasn't allowed to cum on Saturday, that she was going to tease me and then on Sunday she was going to fuck me with her purple strapless dildo. She had come maybe three times by this point in the weekend, and I was clearing the seven day mark since my last orgasm. I wore the cage a lot, including at a party we went to later.  However, being with her, or even thinking of her when we were apart kept me engorged, and I was a bit concerned about continued confinement in that condition, so I freed myself later that evening. A damaged penis is not good for either of us. 

On Sunday morning, we had a cuddle session that turned X-rated. She rode my cock and I worshipped her pussy.  She whispered how she was going to fuck me and make me hers. I fell deeper into sub-space, and begged her to take me in that way.  For the afternoon session, I spent time preparing myself to be the recipient. I still don't have the best procedure, I think, but I was successful in ensuring that I was clean back there. I went to her room (soon to be our room) while she tended to other things. I secured the restraints to my limbs, and my legs and right arm to the bed straps. When she came into the room, I was wearing a chemise, bunched up to my stomach, slowly masturbating with my free hand, and my cock was rock hard. This turned her on quite a bit. She likes watching me masturbate, and having her watch me is a real turn-on. 

As I believe I've mentioned previously, I have a pretty large cock. It measures between 7.5 and 8.0 inches and is proportionally thick. That is unusual in the general population, from the research I've done, and anecdotally even more rare among submissive, crossdressing males. My lady loves my cock, and the feeling is mutual. She loves to suck it, kiss it and tease it. I love watching her, and the feeling of her mouth on my cock is wonderful. We both love when I'm inside her. This is one of the many ways that we fit perfectly together. My lady had her way with me in these regards, and then she released my leg restraints to gain access to my rear opening. Some tongue action, followed by a lubricated finger got me ready. She started with the pink strap-on, which is a bit smaller. My back door has some work to do in order to accommodate larger objects, but we're working towards that. She had me suck her pink cock for a while before getting into position. I think we both like when she watches me do that. I looked at the combined scene and was struck by how unusual and incredibly erotic it was. My chemise, her beautiful, naked, sexy body poised to mount me, the strap-on harness, the pink dildo, my shaved legs, the restraints on my ankles, and my painted toenails. She entered me carefully, giving me time to adjust to the invader. She started moving in me, and we kissed. I looked into her smoky, eyes and was lost in her beauty.

After loosening me up, she switched over to the strapless one. It's going to take some practice to get the technique down so that it gives her the pleasure we seek for her while she fucks me. We stopped after a while, but made good progress. I want for us both to be able to orgasm when she fucks me. I long for the time when we're living together and she'll say, out of the blue, "go get yourself ready, I'm going to fuck you."  Ooooh.  

She did orgasm, using a combination of my mouth, my cock and her nimble fingers. It was a good one, based on my eye-witness account. She decided that she wanted me to come, and I ended up masturbating while she watched.

On Monday, we had more quality time in the morning as a prelude to a more intimate afternoon session. I had suggested that we spend part of the day taking a hike. To be honest, I was looking forward to that as a highlight of the day. I love being with her in all places, and doing all things. As it turned out, after taking care of things at our respective houses, when I returned to her place, my lady announced that we would not be hiking that day. Initially, I was crestfallen. She explained the timeline we had for the remaining part of the day, and determined that there wasn't time for the hike. I didn't argue, but I did express that I was a little disappointed. There are a few takeaways from this interaction. First, I quickly realized that if I truly meant what I said to her numerous times, i.e. "I'll do anything for you," then that includes abiding by her decision when it's not up for debate. This was one of those cases, and I took comfort in being able to follow her lead without drama. Second, it was really hot outside, so a hike at that time of day would have been somewhat miserable. I was happy that she made the decision and that I accepted it. That would have been true even if it had turned out that we did have time. But she was correct. By the time we did the other necessary things, we'd have been left with the choice of a hike or time in the bedroom. Duh.

Our bedroom time focus was on anal again, but this time she was the recipient. She likes it a lot, and we will be doing more of that. I followed her pattern from the day before, staring with my tongue, then my fingers and finally the pink dildo in the strap-on. She's not ready to accommodate my cock, yet. She wanted to repeat the double penetration scene we did once, but I'm having trouble keeping my cock hard and ready to play in that situation. We used the realistic cock as the second player for her pussy, and she came quite hard that way. We closed out the session with her stroking me for a good long while, until her arm got tired. I loved how it felt, and she's learning how to work me, but we have some more practicing to do. I took over for her, and she whispered into my ear. When she told me how she's going to fuck me regularly, I climaxed intensely. She smiled.

I love this woman, more than words can express.

Thanks for reading.

Jen

Wednesday, June 23, 2021

Tuesday Night Special

Yesterday morning, I left a comment on an Evolving Your Man article dealing with Delayed Ejaculation. The upshot is about how some men have trouble cumming by means other than their own hands. It's a challenge that I have as well. 

Last evening, my lady came to my house for dinner. I did all the meal prep work. She poured us both a glass of wine, and relaxed on the sofa with her feet up and made a phone call while I tended to the meal. I stopped the prep work and went to be with her while she finished her call. I had an overwhelming desire to rub her feet, and so I repositioned myself and did that for a while, until the cat decided he wanted attention and sort of took over the job, rubbing his furry little face over her feet. I guess you could say I got cat-blocked. I returned to the sofa next to her, and the cat joined us, curling up on her lap. He loves her, so who am I to complain. He's a cutie.

She finished her call, and I finished up the meal prep. It turned out well, and afterward, I suggested that we retire to the bedroom for some naked cuddle time. I laid on my stomach and she laid on top of me, grinding her sex into my ass. I know what I was thinking. I can't wait until she fucks me again. 

I turned over and she resumed laying upon my body. My cock grew hard quickly, and clearly she was ready. She mounted me for a brief fuck. I confessed to her that this evening was a fantasy come true for me. I recounted our evening as follows: I work in the kitchen, preparing the meal while she relaxes. I rub her feet to help her de-stress. We dine, I clean-up, and we retire to the bedroom where I worship her to orgasm. She definitely liked that idea, and while it didn't play out exactly that way, we have many more nights to work on it. 

She pulled off of me and tasted herself on my cock, knowing how it makes me ache for her taste. I begged for the chance to worship her pussy, and she granted mercy, settling on my mouth for a blissful but all too brief session. She rolled over and we lay together for a bit. I asked if I could lick her pussy more, and she declined, saying I'd have to wait.

I laid upon her instead. I believe we have an understanding that I can take the lead when the moment is right, and that she has veto power over my actions. There is no question in my mind that the moment she declares a limit, and end, or a change in what we are doing that I will comply immediately and to the best of my ability. 

My cock was still hard and rubbing against her sex. I made a move to enter her and she opened her legs in approval. I thrust vigorously, and she loved it. Soon I felt my climax approaching, and I passed the point of no return. I announced that I was about to come, and she made no sign that I was to stop. I don't think I could have at that point, but I suppose if we ever tells me to cease and desist that I will obey.

My orgasm was massive. As we kissed and calmed down, she confirmed my sense that she hadn't cum. I offered to go down on her to bring her off. I want to do that some time; eat her pussy after I've cum in it. It'll be a challenge for me doing that post-orgasm, but I've thought about it a lot and I am ready to try it. She told me that an orgasm wasn't going to happen for her because she was very tired and also had too much wine. We snuggled more and exchanged our mutual, ever deepening love for each other.

It a rare event that I cum and she doesn't. She said that was totally content, and so that made me happy. The evening served as a counterpoint to the comment I described at the beginning of this post.

Monday, June 21, 2021

Recovery

I had a temporary medical issue that put me out of commission for over a week.  Consequently, the my lady and I set a record (for us) for time between sexual activities. Although I offered to lie on the bed and have her make use of my oral skills, she declined, saying that she wanted me to focus on recovering. I can think of no better definition of true love between a couple than for each to put the other's well-being above their own. 

By this past weekend my healing was well underway. On Friday evening after dinner, I stated my desire to lie naked next to her in my bed, even if nothing came of it. She accepted my proposal, and something, or rather someone, came of it. It had been nearly two weeks for us.

By the way, in the counter on this blog, I don't track if my lady takes matters into her own hands when we're apart. She's told me that she sometimes does, and I'm happy for her to do that whenever the mood strikes her. I'm equally happy to save my own orgasms for her, although I do edge myself during the week when the mood strikes. It turns me on to give over orgasm control to her. She is growing more comfortable with the idea.

Back to Friday. She informed me that I would not be coming this night. We stuck to traditional activities, although she denied me the pleasure of worshipping her pussy. As previously articulated, she is meticulous about being fresh down there before allowing me the honor. She had not anticipated my offering to lie naked with her, and thus felt unprepared. I think I could grow to adore lapping at her nether region in nearly any condition if we could both feel sufficiently comfortable. However, since I am also very self-conscious of own hygiene, I completely understand and respect her decision. We ended up with a lovely cuddle session which followed a rather thunderous orgasm brought on by my penis inside her, my fingers and lips on her nipples, and her own hand on her clitoris. There is no more beautiful sight in the world than that of her face in the throes of pleasure. I live for those moments.

Saturday morning started with breakfast together. I'd slept at my house but visited her quite early. I put on my black cock cage - I'd not worn one in nearly two weeks - and presented her the key upon my arrival. After nourishing our bodies, we nourished our souls with an intimate and prolonged foreplay session. She announced that neither of us would be coming this time, but rather we would build the sexual tension for later in the day. It now having been a full two weeks, I was ready to agree to any terms she offered. This time, I reveled in the honor of orally worshipping her. I'm pretty sure I'm addicted to the act. I feel like I'm on another plane when ministering to her sex, and it is never long enough, which only adds to my arousals and deepens my submission.

She unlocked my cage, but did not remove the ring. My cock gets quite engorged when partially constricted like that; rather veiny and deep in color. We're careful to ensure circulation is not entirely cut-off, as accidental castration would be rather contrary to the goals of our sex lives. She enjoyed sucking on it and stroking it. She then mounted me and it felt amazing. After a while she climbed off and said, "I get to taste myself now, you'll have to wait." She licked her own juices from my granite hard cock, while I whimpered in envy, longing for her taste. Finally, she moved up and allowed me the honor of worshipping her glorious pussy. I suckled, licked, and kissed her gently, delicately and reverently. I looked up and watched her sucking on the dildo. I think she does that mostly for my benefit, but it definitely looked like she was enjoying it. I certainly was. We ended not long after, saving ourselves for the afternoon. When my penis gave up and decided to go back to normal size, we locked me back up and she kept the key. Off I went to my house to tend to chores while she did likewise.

The afternoon session started after lunch, with me saying, "if you'll give me the key, I'll unlock and take a quick rinse." Her reply: "who said anything about needing you unlocked today?" That certainly set the tone, and put me where I belong. I loved it!  We set about connecting the straps to the bed, and then me to the straps. She had me locked and bound, and she seemed to relish the power. I watched her touch herself, playing with her nipples and rubbing her pussy lips. My penis struggled mightily against its confines. She teased and licked my cage confined cock, and played with my exposed balls. She got out the dildo again, and sucked on it, then she rubbed her clitoris with it, and finally started fucking herself. I could hear the wetness as I watched her plunge the thing repeatedly into her opening. She pulled it out and made quite a show of licking and sucking her juices from it. I licked my lips and pleaded for a chance to taste her. She just smiled and denied my request. After repeating the act, she took pity on me and the third time she withdrew, she placed the cock at my lips. I sucked it hungrily, tasting her intoxicating wetness, going as deep as I could on that dick. She watched me suck and fucked my mouth with it a little. 

As in the morning session, she removed my cage but not the ring. She mounted me and took her pleasure, riding my cock and sucking the other one. Then she announced it was time to fuck me.  She used a pink dildo on me. As she climbed on the bed, I asked if I should suck her cock first. Eagerly she presented it to my mouth, and just as eagerly I took it in my mouth, bobbing on it, taking it as deep as I could. She said, "ooh, that's hot." It was. I felt so submissive, so feminine as we positioned a pillow under my ass, she fingered me to loosen me up and then entered me.

My previous experiences with her penetrating me have not been unpleasant, but also not really what I would call particularly enjoyable. This time was different, maybe due to the position, the preparation, the two weeks of not having orgasmed, or a combination thereof. She looked into my eyes and moved in rhythmic fashion.  The harness pressed against her sex, making the experience pleasurable for both of us. My cock remained fully erect. She grabbed the other dildo and started sucking it again. Then she leaned in close and I kissed her face with the cock still in her mouth. We started sharing it, licking and kissing it together, and then alternately sucking it. 

It was better than any fantasy I've ever had. It's because all that we do wells from a spring of love, flowing over a waterfall of mutual desire, and into pool of safety, serenity and comfort. We know that we can be uninhibited with each other, and while a lifetime of repression is difficult to shed, we have come a long way, together.

After a little while longer, I asked if she wanted to reverse positions. She went off to clean the pink dildo. When she came back into the room, she found me masturbating, while sucking the other cock. She commented approvingly, although the specific words have escaped my memory at this point. I put the strap-on harness on and inserted the pink dildo into it again. She got on all fours, and I prepared her rear opening. When she was ready, I penetrated her. My cock was firm, but not quite firm enough, and the angle was not optimal for me to enter her pussy with it. Always the problem solver, I reached for the other dildo. And so it happened that I fucked her ass and pussy with two dildos while my own cock remained on standby. She reached under and used her fingers to bring herself to a massive climax in this way. We lay on the bed while she recovered, after I removed the harness. My erection returned with a little casual stroking on my part. She took me in her mouth and teased me further for a while, then laid with me again. She asked how she could help me cum.

At my suggestion, she re-secured me to the bed straps and used a lot of lubricant on my cock. She played with me and it felt amazing to have her do that. Still, I couldn't climax. She asked what we should try, and I asked her to release my hands so that I could masturbate while she watched. She watched closely, sucking on the dildo while I brought myself off. It was massive, and a large load soon covered my stomach and hands. She used the dildo to wipe some of it up and licked it off. We laid together in the blissful afterglow of an adventurous and very sexually rewarding session. 

Sunday morning, after breakfast, I announced that I was going to lie naked on the bed for a while, and invited my lady to join me. I sort of figured she might.  :-)  It was a sensual follow-up to the prior day's festivities, and it concluded with an intense climax for her. We planned for more fun later in the day, but things got in the way. We ended up naked in bed in the evening, where we cuddled and had some brief oral and penetrative exchanges, but alas we were too tired and had had a few too many glasses of wine to be fully effective. We fell asleep in each other's arms.

It's difficult to explain how joyous our adventure is. Both of us, for different reasons, have repressed or perhaps not discovered our sexuality previously. Through a lot of conversation, open-mindedness, respect, trust, and most of all, love, we have enriched our lives and become even more deeply committed to each other than ever.

Thanks for reading.

Jen

Monday, June 7, 2021

A Weekend Away

We had a wedding to attend this past weekend about 90 minutes away. We could have driven there on Saturday and back the same night, but decided to make a weekend out of it. We rented a nice secluded Airbnb near the water. As we both had busy workdays on Friday, we didn't arrive until after seven. I had asked for instructions, and she decided that I should be locked in the black Kink3D cage for the ride down. I gave her both keys. 

We had a quiet dinner in the cottage, along with what turned out to be too many glasses of wine. We cleaned up and made for the bedroom. Some wonderful caressing and kissing led to more intimate acts. She unlocked me but removed only the cage; the ring acted to partially restrict blood flow, making my cock more rigid and veiny. She played with me for a while, sucking and licking my cock. It feels so nice, and I know how she loves to do that. Win win. Soon I returned the favor. I found my happy place, between my lady's thighs, and provided oral homage. Alas, the effects of the wine were such that she found it all too stimulating too quickly. I removed the ring after calming down for a bit, and we slept together.

In the morning, we both wore animal prints, her in a satin pajama top and nothing else, me in a chemise and panties. We had coffee on the screened-in patio and then she made us breakfast, which of course was delicious. Among her many talents is the ability to turn even a simple meal into a work of art for the taste buds. 

We decided it was time for more horizontal activities, so there we went after a quick shower. She teased me and soon I was begging to lick her pussy. She tasted herself on her fingers, denying me the pleasure. She then grabbed her favorite dildo, the one that looks like mine (we have to give this one a name so it'll be easier to refer to it). She knelt over me and sucked it while I lay there watching. It's such a turn-on watching her do that. Then she started fucking herself with it, and I masturbated while watching her. She pulled it out and tasted herself on it, eliciting a spontaneous moan that I realized was coming from me. Reinserting it, she got it wet with her juices and offered it to me. I sucked the cock while looking at her, tasting the delicious wetness she imparted to it. I don't know what she was thinking, but it felt so naughty doing that while looking directly into her eyes. 

She put our friend aside and we got into a sixty-nine. It's important to me that my lady come first. There are several reasons, most of all because "ladies first" is still a thing as far as I'm concerned. I think I written about several of the other reasons before. Come she did, on my face, with my tongue and lips worshipping her the way she deserves it. It is glorious to watch her spasm and hear her climax. We switched to missionary after that. While she's too sensitive for oral stimulation after a climax, my lady enjoys penetration, and of course so do I. I asked if she wanted me to come this day or wait until the next. She wanted me to climax, and so not long after her decision I let loose a large (for me) flow of semen. I've come not more than once per week for a while now, and I can definitely say that when I do they are more intense and rewarding. After cuddling a while, we got up and dressed.

We tooled around the nearby town and shopped a little. It was fun looking at ladies' clothing together. I'm not sure if we were browsing for her, me, or us. The selections were limited however, and the prices steep so we didn't buy anything. We had a light lunch and napped. She asked me to wash her back for her, so we entered the bathroom. We didn't make it all the way into the shower before some serious foreplay started. A lot of teasing, sucking and licking, but then we got ourselves together and got on with the shower and getting ready to go.

The wedding was beautiful, and we had a grand time. There were lots of beautiful people all dressed up beautifully. I found myself taking notice of the dresses and shoes the ladies wore. You have to anticipate the conditions before you choose your footwear, you know. It was an outdoor wedding so, no stiletto heels were to be found. I was so proud to have been her "arm candy" as she called me. There is never a place I'd rather be than at her side. I took it upon myself to fetch her drinks for her; the gentlemanly thing to do, I think, but also the wedding connection was through her friends and I wanted to be sure she had lots of time with them. I also flat out enjoy serving her, so there was no downside in my view.

We stayed a good long while, chatting, drinking (moderately) and dancing. I drove us the short distance back to our place. We crashed out. Alas, I awoke at 2:00 and could not go back to sleep. My lady slept better, but my lack of sleep ruined any morning opportunities we might have otherwise had. We checked out and returned home, took care of things and I came over to her place later. We had planned to have another love-making session, but I was still in a funk, so we ended up just having dinner and not long after, I went home and went to bed.

Lack of sleep definitely impeded my sex drive, but I got to wondering if my having climaxed the day before didn't also contribute to it. My lady loves when I orgasm. I do, too. Still, I wonder if we might be better off if my climaxes are delayed until the end of the weekend, or even skipped now and again. I like the tease and denial, the anticipation, and the uncertainty. Most of all, I like to please my lady, and I want to always be on my best game to do that. That means getting enough sleep, at least. The rest is something we'll have to discuss, and see what she's comfortable with.

Thanks for reading.

Jen

Wednesday, June 2, 2021

A Memorable Weekend

I'm afraid I waited a bit long to write about the rest of our weekend, so some of what I'm going to say might be inaccurate, but I'll do the best I can. Specific details might be juxtaposed or flat-out wrong, but the feeling is not lost. Being in her presence fills me with happiness beyond words.

On Sunday, we had a bit of a recovery day. She came to my place and brought breakfast. We did some decluttering to help me get closer to moving in with her, dropped off some clothes at a charity collection place, did some shopping, had lunch, and generally hung out all day.  I was locked in my new Kink3D device. In the late afternoon, I worshipped her pussy and she had a satisfying orgasm.  She told me I wasn't allowed to come this day, which was a turn-on. We dined, and I spent the night with her, unlocked. 

I brought pajamas and a robe to wear in the morning. I'm trying not to push my crossdressing; it's far less important to me than she is, and her comfort takes precedence. She has been supporting of me, even directing me to wear a chemise during love-making, and she tells me I look hot. Not nearly as hot as she, but I greatly appreciate the compliments. One evening this weekend, we wore matching style chemises of mine; she chose the pink one and I wore black (the one she'd worn the night before). That was fun.

On Monday, we awoke and cuddled in bed. There's no better way to start a day than embracing the one you love. Things heated up and soon she was riding my cock, and oh that felt so nice. She orgasmed that way, with a little help from her fingers on her clitoris, and mine on her nipples. She didn't want me to go down on her, which I totally understand. We're both super conscious of being clean and smelling nice. At the same time, I get really turned on by her womanly aroma and taste when the opportunity to worship her occurs not immediately after she showers. Maybe that's a boundary that is somewhat movable. I went home to tend to some things, and she did likewise. We had some family obligations in the mid-afternoon, and then went to my place after, in separate cars. I prepared things while awaiting her arrival.  

She had several specific instructions. I asked if I should be locked or unlocked.  "Locked," she said with authority and without hesitation. That caused some swelling. I also arranged a camera on a tripod and some mirrors. The camera was screencast to the bedroom TV. She wanted to watch the action from different angles. I obviously didn't hit "record." I wondered if that was something she'd want. In one sense, that could be fun, but the risk of later accidental exposure is something to consider seriously.

When she arrived, I was in bed, three limbs secured to the straps, wearing a red chemise and my black cage. All the toys were clean and ready. She came in, attached my free arm and disrobed, revealing a sexy black lace teddy enshrouding her gorgeous, womanly body. Things were getting pretty tight down there by this point.

She teased me, playing with my caged cock, pinching and biting my nipples, making me beg to worship her pussy, and giving me just the briefest taste now and again. I'm thinking that physical addiction to pussy might be a thing, because in addition to loving her so, I absolutely yearn for her taste. She touched herself, and placed her sticky delicious fingers in my mouth. So hot. She used the seven inch cock that looks like mine, rubbing it all over her pussy. I watched her taste it. Then she fucked herself with it while I stared, in awe. She pulled it out and offered the cock to me. I sucked it hungrily, tasting her sweetness. 

Eventually she untied and uncaged me, as she had other plans. I donned the strap-on with the pink dildo. With her on all fours, I lubricated her rear channel, and penetrated her. The intent was for my cock to penetrate her pussy at the same time, but it wasn't cooperating. Despite being really turned on by the whole scene, I couldn't get things going on my end. She improvised, rubbing my semi-erect cock against her clitoris while I fucked her ass. She sucked on the seven inch cock, while we watched ourselves on the TV. I was really hot, and she came furiously. We cuddled for a bit, and I started fondling myself. She told me she likes to watch me do that. With her encouragement, I got harder. 

She wanted me to come, so we decided to try the missionary position. She whispered how this was my chance to come, because afterward she was going to lock me up for the week. That definitely made me harder. I whispered that once we're married and under the same roof that I want her to have all the keys to my devices. I sensed a climax inbound, and it definitely felt like I was coming. My cock also rather quickly deflated. However, I didn't actually cum. No semen came out. It was odd, but not unsatisfying. While she watched, I inserted two fingers into her pussy to check.  I pulled them out and tasted them. All her, no me. Hmmm. It's ok, because it did feel like a climax. I just fired a blank round for some reason. 

The rest of the evening was spent over dinner and relaxing in front of the TV. Every day that I spend with her, I love her more. She is my world, my everything. 

Thanks for reading.

Jen


Sunday, May 30, 2021

Love is Real

Love

Love is real, real is love
Love is feeling, feeling love
Love is wanting to be loved

Love is touch, touch is love
Love is reaching, reaching love
Love is asking to be loved

Love is you, you and me
Love is knowing we can be

Love is free, free is love
Love is living, living love
Love is needing to be loved

                    - John Lennon

I've known those lyrics for decades, but I never understood them until I fell in love with my lady. I never knew it was possible to love someone so deeply and completely. I thought it was just words by an amazing songwriter. Now, I know better.

Since this is a sex blog, that's what I'm going to focus on in this posting. However, the reader should know that this is representative of but one facet of the shimmering diamond that is our love.

We spent Friday afternoon together, going to a beautiful nearby garden before the rainy weekend started. We visited that garden early in our relationship, and ended the evening making love for the first time, so it has a special meaning for us. This day, after our visit we made love again. Passionate, intense, naked love that was extremely gratifying for both of us. It had been over four days for her, which is a long time for her to go without an orgasm. For me, the counter had reached twelve days. It had been a busy week that kept us both exhausted, and last week you'll recall that I didn't have an orgasm. Oddly, towards the end of the week, my sex drive seemed to wane. It was like 'the boys' had given up trying, and I wasn't feeling a strong urge. 

That changed rather quickly when we disrobed and climbed into my bed. The merest touch of her hands on my skin was enough to set off a DEFCON 1 alert, and within seconds I was ready to launch.  We kissed and stroked, I suckled her magnificent breasts and she tenderly bit and sucked on my nipples, which I love. She spent quite a bit of time orally tending to my cock. It felt fabulous. I have difficulty climaxing that way. I require rather vigorous stimulation, and cannot get past being concerned for her comfort. Regardless, the feeling is incredible. We then  moved into a sixty-nine, and I worshipped her glorious pussy while she sucked my cock some more. My lady came on my face fairly quickly; an intense, pressure relieving orgasm driven by the long (for her) abstinence. She bid me to mount her, and as she lay on her back I did just that. I was quite ready, very hard and close to the edge. We kissed passionately while I thrusted and looked into her sexy, smoldering eyes. She held her legs open, and seeing that out of the corner of my eyes, I stiffened and came, copiously, intensely, and at length.  We kissed tenderly and giggled like teenagers at the quickness of our session.

On Saturday, I received a new cock cage in the mail, fairly early in the day. It's a 3D printed device from KINK3D, which I learned about after reading Denying Thumpers' Post. I was thus wearing it, in addition to the panties and chemise I had been instructed to have on when my lady arrived. We had some afternoon coffee in hand and proceeded to the bedroom. My lady had purchased for herself a sexy black piece of lingerie that covered her breasts, pussy and not much else, though there were a lot of straps crossing about here and there. Coupled with her silky, dark, unfurled mane, her beautiful, penetrating eyes and that delicious red lipstick, I proceeded to conduct an unplanned stress test on the cage. Fortunately, but inexplicably it did not burst into a thousand pieces. We kissed tenderly, and I caressed her body, kissing various exposed areas of her skin. Her scent drives me wild. Her hands traced lines across the cottony garment that enshrouded by torso, and then outlined the cage through my panties. She pulled them down and inspected, approvingly, this latest symbol of my devotion and dedication to her.

To be clear, I do not need a cage in order to be dedicated to her, any more than one needs a ring to ensure their commitment. The cages that I wear are indeed symbolic of my commitment to her. When we are together, we have fun with them, and I remove it at her pleasure. When I am alone it is comforting to know that I am still hers, always and forever. I have not found a practical way to remain caged 24/7, but I do wear one as often as I can. It helps me feel closer to her. It does also provide an obstacle to a casual self-caress turning into an uncontrolled masturbation session. Although a key is handy, the very act of interrupting the mood to fetch it and unlock is sufficient to break the chain of events.

My lady caressed and teased my pent-up cock. She kissed, sucked and licked my balls. She twirled her tongue around the cage, and even took it into her mouth. The sight of these actions, and the slight feeling that I was able to detect drove me wild with lust for her. She is such a sexy and creative lady, and I love how she is learning more and more about how I tick.  

Given that I was locked up, my lady decided to play with me in other ways. I had assured her that, having climaxed the day before, I was in no danger if I remained chaste this day. At this stage in our lifestyle, my lady consults me on these decisions. I welcome her questions and offer my honest feedback. I told her as much, and added that if and when she feels comfortable making the decision on her own whether to unlock me, I will obediently and happily comply with her decision. That goes for my orgasms. The very thought of giving up control of my orgasms is very erotic. It's a game, but not a game. It carries some amount of responsibility on her part, and I do not want to pressure her into bearing it. However, at her pace, and to the degree she finds it stimulating and rewarding, I am a willing participant. 

She retrieved a rather large butt plug, the very large black dildo, and the harness from my closet, along with a couple of other objects which will be revealed shortly. I inserted the dildo into the harness and then strapped it on to my body, the long ebony dong dangling dangerously above the black cage ensconcing my above average but relatively diminutive cock.  She then lubed my rear passage. It felt so nice to have her fingers encircling and probing back there. The plug went in with a bit of resistance; it had been a while since I'd had something in there, but once settled in it felt nice. 

So, to complete the picture, there I lay, in my chemise, plugged, caged, and with a large cock strapped to my groin, while my lady settled onto my face and I began to worship her delicious pussy. She was very engorged and wet; clear signs of how much she was enjoying our time. She sucked the black dildo while I ministered to her, and although I could not actually see her actions, in my mind's eye I could visualize every flick of her tongue, every movement of her lips around the head of that dark beast.

She decided that she wanted me to fuck her with it, and so after a long, but never long enough session of pussy worship, she lay upon her back. At her behest, I lubricated her back opening, probing with one and then two fingers. I pushed the pink dildo into her, and handed her the other realistic-looking cock that's closer in size to my own. I gently rubbed the black one against her opening, teasing her, and then pushed gently inside. In this position, I normally have more feedback, but the lack of sensation from the penetrating cock led me to proceed cautiously. I asked multiple times for direction on speed and depth, ensuring that all of this was pleasing to her. I got into a rhythm that worked for her, and she started sucking on the cock in her hand. 

I recently listened to a Shameless Sex Podcast that my lady found and shared with me. In it, they talked about how some men - submissive crossdressers in this specific instance - can be driven by lust to want to suck cock, even when in normal situations they are not tempted, and do not consider themselves gay or bisexual. I resonated with that observation, and while watching her suck, I had an overwhelming urge to join her. I asked if I could, and she said yes. She placed it at my lips and kissed it and sucked the head into my mouth, we went back and forth a few times.

The overarching emotion I felt was total love. I would do anything she asked me to, because I trust her and I love boundlessly. She allows, no embraces my own desires, and it elevates our pleasures mutually. I felt completely uninhibited by any of the so-called taboo practices that have filled me with shame and guilt over the years. So, here I was at this point. My own cock locked up tight, a plug in my ass, wearing a chemise, fucking her with a large black cock, and sucking cock with her. Wow.

She directed me shortly thereafter to her breasts, which I alternately suckled, while she worked a finger onto her clitoris, massaging that beautiful organ while being stimulated in all these other ways. Her orgasm was massive, so far as I could tell. I was elated that she had achieved such an intense climax, and honored to have been instrumental (pun semi-intended) in that event. We lay still for a bit, while her black friend remained inside her. Eventually, she had me pull out, and I kissed tenderly, repeating how much I love her.

We unstrapped and removed the various phallic accessories. I put them aside for later washing. I put my panties back on, along with a matching robe. I gave her a chemise and robe to wear, we relaxed with some wine, and then we had dinner like that.  Afterward, we watched a movie, snuggling and holding hands, feeling more deeply in love than ever.

All this, and we're only halfway through the Memorial Day weekend. 

Thanks for reading.

Jen




Wednesday, May 26, 2021

Counting My Fortune

At times when I find myself navel-gazing too much, It helps to take stock of the many fortunes I have in my life. This is a short post to delineate a sample of them.

First, the love of my life, my lady. She is my world. There are two times in my life: when I'm with her, and when I'm longing to be with her. 

Second, my body. I'm healthy and I am endowed with an good brain and a body in which all parts continue to function nominally without medication.  I am grateful for the luck of the genetic roll of the dice that has thus far not landed on craps.

Third, my loved ones. I still have my mom, and I have wonderful, amazing children.

Fourth, my friends. I don't have a lot of them, but those that I have are deeply regarded and I cherish them.

Fifth, my wealth. I'm not rich, but I am in position to bring a good amount of financial resources into the relationship with my lady, so that when the day comes, we can retire comfortably.

Sixth, the reasonable intelligent, caring majority of people. The news can be horrid and depressing. But in the long arc of history we have a lot of progress to acknowledge, and also the huge amount of opportunity to be better, in countless ways. Intelligent, caring people are the key to continued progress.

Seventh, Joe Biden. Because normal decency and boring politics are seriously underrated.

There's a lot more.  But this is a sex blog, and there's no sex in this one, so you probably already lost interest.

Thanks for reading (if you made it this far).

Jen

Monday, May 24, 2021

Weekend Fun

I am playing catch-up on our activities, as we had a highly active week and weekend, and not a lot of time to write. In the last episode, our heroes were basking in the afterglow of a Wednesday session. On Thursday, we continued the fun, this time at her place.

After a long day of work for both of us, I showered and brought dinner to her house. Do not think me too special for that; it was leftovers that she had prepared the night before at my house. We sat on the deck for a bit. She talked on the phone with a few folks about some important things, I fetched some wine, and positioned my chair so that she could place her beautiful feet on my lap. I basked in the glow of the evening sun and the brilliance of her beauty, gently massaging her legs and feet, looking upon this most beautiful woman. Being in her presence, contacting her skin, I drifted into a submissive state, and cleared from my mind the challenges of a difficult workday. From that moment, and for the rest of the evening, I wanted only to please her in every possible way. After her calls, we had a pleasant conversation to catch up on the happenings of our lives and had dinner.

Afterward, I asked if she wanted to relax somewhere comfortable, nodding to the stairs. We proceeded to her bedroom. While she tended to herself in the bathroom, I stripped to just my pink HT and then strapped myself her to bed (yes, she still had the bondage gear attached), locking my ankles and left wrist. She smiled when she entered, locking my right wrist in place. The feeling of being bound and helpless in the presence of the woman I love and trust with my life is incredible. It was not long before she settled upon my face and my lips and tongue were dancing across her majestic feminine folds. After a while, she turned around and I continued my worship, while she toyed with my restrained cock and balls. As is normally the case, she wanted me inside her and for me to use my hands, and she undid the wrist restraints and unlocked the HT. I helped remove the base ring because it is a bit tricky to do in an aroused state. She alternatively rode my cock while I suckled and gently pinched her breasts and rode my face. It is such a turn-on for me to be of service to her. She came while I was inside her, and I watched her face in love and awe as she rode the wave of a massive orgasm. We snuggled for a while, caressing and kissing gently. I returned home, without locking myself back up, and went to bed.

Friday evening, we ate at my place, and then went to hers to spend the night. I had worn my steel cage all day and replaced it after showing again at the end of the workday. As we were both tired, we went to bed and fell asleep rather quickly. At around 3:00 AM, we found ourselves both awake. One thing led to another and soon I was worshipping her pussy again. My cock was trying to burst its metal prison and started to get a bit uncomfortable. We removed the cage part, but I was too engorged to get the ring off. She stroked my raging boner, with veins bulging, impressed with the extra hardness caused by the ring. She mounted me, and I could tell that she loved how it felt. She came again, gloriously. When things calmed down a bit, I was able to remove the ring, and we slept the rest of the night.

Saturday and early Sunday were busy with things that are not the stuff of sex blogs. On Sunday afternoon, she came over. I had prepared dinner and wanted it all set to make later so we could have some alone time in the bedroom. The whole meal prep task is a bit like foreplay for me. I love pleasing my lady in every way, and that includes making meals for her to enjoy.

Something had been bothering me, and I had difficulty putting my finger on it. Of course, she sensed it immediately, and we had a long discussion. I finally was able to describe it toward the end of the evening, but I will reveal it now. I have no doubt that she loves me deeply. I have no doubt that I love her as deeply. My difficulty is that I sometimes do not love myself as I should. It is important to feel good about yourself, to objectively appreciate your good qualities, and to accept those parts of you that you might wish were not there, or different, recognizing that humans are an evolutionary way point on a meandering route to survival and not a perfectly designed end state. 

For me, crossdressing has been a decades-long behavior, and I do not realistically see it coming to an end any time soon. My lady accepts "all of me," but at the same time I know it is a really, really big ask to have her deal with this part of me. She has been so incredibly supportive, comforting and amazing, and I could not have hoped for a better response from her. Still, I sometimes wish I could just make this part of me go away, to simplify things. I get down on myself about that, and that's how I was feeling.

She wanted to help me feel better and asked what she could do. I asked her to make love to me, and to hold me. I know, those are rather feminine types of responses, aren't they? Well, it is how I felt, so it is what I said. We did make love. She had crotch-less panties and matching bra under her dress, I had white panties under my clothes. We were quickly down to those and not much later we were naked. No toys today. No lingerie, dildos, restraints, or plugs. Just us. It was fabulous. She talked dirty to me, telling me that she was going to come on my face, and I worshipped her body. She sucked my cock, and told me she wanted to taste my cum. She watched as I masturbated, saying other sexy things to me, encouraging me. I told her that I needed her to come first, and so she did, riding my cock while I pinched her nipples, and she rubbed her clitoris on me. I could tell it was a huge one. She rolled over and I entered her in the missionary position. That is normally the way I climax, as I can thrust vigorously that way. 

I suppose that abstaining for a week, coupled with multiple mid-week sessions had me harder than usual, because it felt really good to both of us. In fact, it felt so good to her that she orgasmed again. That has not happened before; her coming twice in one session, and with me on top. Alas, my bigger sex organ, my brain was still not fully resolved of its inner turmoil, and climax eluded me again. That only bothers me for two main reasons. First, my lady wants me to have orgasms. It pleases her when I do. Second, physically, things are getting a bit backed up down there. Maybe during the week, we will have a chance to address that. Otherwise, I may continue my abstinence for another week.

By my count, my lady had five orgasms this week, while I had zero, and so ten for her to one for me in the last two weeks. It feels right to me that she should have some high number for each one of mine. 

Thanks for reading.

Jen

P.S. I added a couple of counters on the left side of the blog. Just experimenting with that.

Friday, May 21, 2021

Yes, It's Definitely Working

I'm in a near constant state of arousal. It seems that my lady is learning to enjoy calling the shots on our sexual activities, and her acceptance of "all of me" has lifted an extraordinary burden from my mind. In addition, lately I've been in chastity almost constantly while awake, other than during shower time and after our little sessions each of the last two nights. I am still not able to sleep well while caged, at least not at this point, but it's ok.  I'm behaving myself.  "Hands off," she told me last night, when I departed her place. "Yes, ma'am," was my immediate reply. The feeling of being caged, knowing that she wears the keys on a chain around her neck, and knowing that I am abstaining as a sign of my devotion and love for her is a feeling that is difficult to describe; I'll use the word "sublime," I think for the first time in my life.  It seems to be a rather haughty word, but it fits.

On Wednesday, I spent the entire work day en femme.  I had recently purchased a pretty "Short Sleeve Floral Tiered Sheath Dress," black with purple flowers from JC Penney, and I was looking forward to wearing it.  I showered, shaved, put on my metal cage, and did my make-up. I'm not so great at make-up, but am getting better, and the process helps me transform into my feminine mindset. A bra, panties, my size C breast forms, platform heels, wig, jewelry and that dress completed the ritual. I guess I looked ok, but I felt really good.  Dressing that way helps alleviate a lot of the stress my job brings.

As the work day ended, I disrobed, removed my make-up, showered, and relocked myself, wearing male clothes, which is how my lady likes to see me.  I think it's too much for both of us at this stage for her to see me completely feminized. That day may come, but I'm happy to be for her what she wants me to be when we're together, and anyway I don't want to wear ladies clothes all the time. I truly like being able to switch between both modes.  It's sort of the best of both worlds.  Oh, and if the day does come for her to see me all decked out, it might be best if we started with me naked, and she helped me dress.  The process of helping, and the gradual transformation would likely be much easier on both of us.

After dinner at my place, she unveiled the purple lingerie she wore under her dress. We proceeded to enjoy a mid-week foray.  I stripped to just my panties and cage, knelt on the floor, and worshipped her body, focusing on her sumptuous lady parts as she sat comfortably on the sofa.  She was very wet and engorged. I was in heaven, and could have stayed there for hours, but she had other ideas. She bid me to fetch the largest dildo I have, a black cock that's probably nine or ten inches long and as thick as you'd expect such a creature to be. I did as directed, but also put on my own purple lingerie as a bonus. Returning to her beautifulness, I again knelt, and started rubbing the cock on her opening, which turned her on even more. I started to push it inside her, gently and slowly thrusting it deeper and deeper.  It needed a bit more wetness, so I licked the shaft as best I could, adding my saliva to her own moistness. I'll admit that it stoked my cuckold fantasies, watching that cock filling her, listening to her moans, facilitating the action with my own mouth. I sucked and licked her as best I could, occasionally adding more saliva to the dark beast that was ravishing her. My own cock, firmly ensconced in its metal cage, was straining for relief and attention, but we were focused on her. 

Being this aroused, I would have done anything that my lady wanted me to do. She decided that my real-life cock was what she wanted, so I uncaged and entered her. We continued in various arrangements. She eventually climaxed while using cock on her clitoris while I watched from below, almost in a trance, alternately looking into her beautiful, smoky eyes and watching her ministrations.  The memory of that scene will remain a long time, and it causes swelling inside my cage. We cuddled after, while my own cock returned to a flaccid state. No climax for me, not until she says it's time. She also told me, clearly, that she has no interest in actually having a third person participate in our love-making. I think that's the right call. We love each other so deeply, we have so much to explore together, and she is all I will ever need. I am hers, always and forever, and I have never been happier.

Thanks for reading.

Jen