Showing posts with label #submission. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #submission. Show all posts

Saturday, January 21, 2023

Tracking Chastity Time and Orgasms Ratio

I started logging my time locked this year, with the mindset that "what gets measured gets worked."  Starting rather slowly, on January first I locked up at 4:00 PM, thus accumulating only eight hours, and on the second I was locked for fifteen hours. So, out of the gates I was under 50%.  I set an initial goal of 85%, so I had some catching up to do. Over the next seven days, I recorded only nine unlocked hours, and 159 locked, raising my average to just under the 85% target. The next two days saw a decrease to give a small sore spot a chance to recover, but at the same time I also raised the target to 90%.

For the past ten days (through 20 Jan) I was locked for 237 of 240 hours. The only measured unlocked time was while making love with my lady. She likes my cock, and so she unlocks me for her pleasure, although she has indicated that she might sometimes keep me locked and have me strap on a dildo instead. 

I remove my cage every day and give everything a thorough inspection and cleaning while showering (and shaving every two or three days). I am learning to avoid the pinching parts, and keeping things pretty clean. I've been peeing sitting down for years anyway, so there's no issue around that.  I don't count hygiene as unlocked time because I'm counting in units of hours, and the shower only takes ten to fifteen minutes. 

My average for the month is now up to 90.4%.  I may reach 93% if I keep up the last ten days' pace for the next eleven, and unlock only when making love with my lady.

February includes to vacation time, so I expect to set a lower target level, and will lock when I can avoid having TSA ask, "WTF is that?" I don't care to involve non-consenting people in our kink, thank you very much. March brings another set of challenges which I may discuss in a future post. So, we'll see how the year plays out, month by month. I consider 2023 to be a data gathering year that will inform decisions we make about the future.

From what I've read, it's nearly always the man that suggests chastity, and the woman decides to take charge somewhat later, after the benefits to her become more certain and long-lasting. I am sure that it takes a significant commitment on her part to be the keyholder, and perhaps that's something she doesn't want to invest in until she's sure it's going to pay off.

I do enjoy being locked up; I like the comfortable physical feeling of the cage cradling my cock, and the psychological feeling that denied access brings with it, even if this is pretty much self-imposed. I have suggested to my lady several times that she might like to keep her copy of the keys out of my reach, while maintaining the other set for an emergency inside a tamper-evident security device (e.g., the a clear plastic box with numbered plastic locking tags that we already have). While she likes me being locked, she hasn't moved on that aspect of it, so I'll let it go. 

As to lovemaking, I suggested to my lady that she consider an orgasm ratio. After some thought, she decided that five to one is good (in her favor, to be clear). As it stands for the month, we're at seven to two, so for the next few sessions I expect that she will be orgasming and I will be denied. However, we're not beholden to anyone else's rules, so if she decides she wants me to climax, then I will. We'll see how this ratio thing turns out. It's meant to be a turn-on for both of us, and so far it is. She can change the ratio up or down as she pleases, or do away with it as a goal altogether. I'll happily comply, because the huge turn on for a submissive such as myself to give up control and follow her lead.

I enjoy lovemaking when it ends with a crashing orgasm for her, and she tells me, "you aren't cumming today." I am grateful for the journey that we've taken thus far. I was the kinkier one coming into this relationship, but she is the more adventurous one in many other aspects of our lives, and is catching up fast in this one. We're deeply in love and having the time of our lives.

Thanks for reading.

Jennifer



Monday, July 4, 2022

Making Our Own Fireworks

This Independence Day weekend brought lots of beautiful weather to our little neck of the woods, which we took advantage of it to spend some lovely outdoor time and celebrate the holiday with friends. We also had significant quality time in the boudoir. 

Leading up to and through the weekend, I spent nearly all of it with my cock locked in its 3D printed cage. I like the security of wearing the device, and the psychological effect of keeping myself chaste so that my Lady can have me at the top of my game when it pleases Her. The locking part was true from Wednesday onward. Having orgasmed twice last weekend, my desire for sex suffered diminution for a few days, and my routine of self-locking fell out as a result. By mid-week, things were perking up again, and back I went into the cage. So, it was really only about three days of non-stop chastity for me before the weekend festivities began on Saturday. 

I can lock and unlock at my discretion; the keys are available to me when I choose to use them. I don't know if that will remain true. It will be my Lady's decision if She wants to take away the key access and require me to ask Her for them. I purchased a small clear lock box and plastic locks in case She decides to keep one set for emergencies while hiding the set that She possesses. Also, in preparation for that possibility I've devised a method of showering that enables me to get a very good soapy rinse all around my groin area, so I'm confident that I can remain clean and healthy while locked. I can also shave a fair amount of the area, but complete shaving will definitely require removal at some interval. 

Saturday morning's session was filled with all the things I love: worshipping my Lady and all Her glorious parts, and receiving Her attention in return. It culminated in a lengthy and intense orgasm for Her, brought on ultimately by my oral homage. She really enjoys looking down upon me as I worship Her Pussy, and I love when we make and hold eye contact in those moments. She made it clear that I would not be climaxing that day, as we had the whole weekend and She wanted me ready, willing and able. So, back into the cage I went and we proceeded with our day.

Sunday turned out to be a busy day, with lots of preparations leading up to the social gathering and the fireworks display. We didn't have naked time together, but we spent the whole day being together doing all the other things that loving, married couples do. I so enjoy being in Her company, doing whatever we need to do, so it was still a great day. I know how She feels about me, and I know that She also loves our time together equally as much.

Monday there were more fireworks, but they were the indoor, private kind. I worshipped Her extensively, and She unlocked me to make use of my rigidness. She was planning to just tease for a while, and save Herself for an afternoon session, but things got going so well that She changed Her mind and again orgasmed on my face, this time in a sixty-nine position. I locked myself back up, and She told me that in the afternoon She was going to fuck me.

Fuck me She did, indeed. After preparing myself carefully, I started on the bed, caged, wearing a bralette and panties, cuffed and blindfolded, while She had Her way with me, teasing me and making me ache with desire. After a while, She freed me from the restraints, panties, blindfold and cage, and got off the bed to put on the harness and realistic strap-on cock. While She did that, I started to go a bit soft. Seeing that, She first had me suck Her cock, which I did with enthusiasm, and my hard-on returned in short order. She knew it would. Sucking Her fake cock is a real turn-on.

She then took me in a new way: on my back, my ass raised slightly by pillow and Her standing by the bed. It didn't take long to prepare me, as my ass is getting used to these penetrations. One finger and then two, and a short while later I was ready for Her cock. Not long after penetrating me, She started a rhythm, thrusting deep into me, really fucking me hard. It felt so good. I watched Her expression, and could see how much She was into getting into me. At one point, She said that She's going to need to fuck me with a bigger cock soon. We have a large black dildo that's probably ten inches long and quite thick. The thought of being able to take that beast really got me going and also frightens me a bit. I guess I'm a size queen. :-)

My Lady told me that I could climax, so while She continued to pound my ass I stroked my cock and sucked on the aforementioned black dildo. I came long and hard. It was the most intense orgasm I've had in quite some time. We both went to rinse things off, and I came back thinking we would complete the session by me helping Her climax again, but She was quite content to call and end to the session. She said, "it's ok for it to sometimes be all about you."  She is amazing. 

Unlike last week, I decided that I'd better lock myself up right away. My lady checked later while we were in the kitchen, and She was pleased that I'd done so. We ended the day on the sofa, Her feet in my lap while I massaged lotion into them and generally made Her feel good. 

What I take away from this weekend are these observations: First, our love for each other grows deeper by the day, as we spend time doing everything that we do together. Second, I'm confident that She really loves what we're doing in the bedroom, and that is an essential element. It would ruin things for me if She was just doing it for my benefit. Third, the more She fucks me, the deeper I fall into the submissive role in our marriage. It's difficult for me to act any other way during a given day when I know that I'm going to get fucked good and proper later on. The anticipation hangs in the air, and affects my attitude in a very positive way for that strengthens my respect and love for Her. 

Being the submissive doesn't mean waiting around to be told what to do all the time, or having no say in anything. To me, it comes down to this. I judge my actions each day by a simple test: Is what I'm doing make life better for my Lady? If yes, then I try do it. If no, then I try to avoid it. It means She spends Her time doing what She likes to do, and I spend my time doing what She delegates to me, doing what I see or think of that needs doing, and finding creative ways to serve Her in a manner that She doesn't expect. I don't profess perfection in this regard; I'm a work in progress. But I profess my boundless love for Her, and have dedicated my life to pleasing Her in every way that I can. I have married the perfect Woman for me, and I've never been happier nor more content in my life.

Thanks for reading.

Jennifer

Tuesday, June 28, 2022

Thoughts on Pegging

My Lady has now fucked me every weekend for the last three, and this weekend She pegged me twice. The first was with the large pink phallus strapped to Her harness. It felt really good, but to be honest it's a big rigid and can be uncomfortable if the angle is slightly off. Not to say I didn't enjoy it. On the contrary, I enjoyed it very much. I masturbated while She fucked me, and sucked on a realistic dildo. She told me I was permitted to cum, and so I did, all over my belly.  She tasted my ejaculate, and then used it as a lubricant to stimulate Herself and climaxed while I sucked on Her Nipples. My cock deflated pretty quickly after my orgasm, so it wasn't much use to Her. She mentioned the fact afterward, and I told Her that it's one of the reasons that I prefer it when She climaxes first.

On Sunday, we tried the purple strapless dildo that is supposed to be retained by the part that She inserts in Her Pussy. Maybe it would work for a lesbian couple, but I think the resistance associated with the recipient receiving anal is too much; the other end just doesn't stay inside Her. Thinking we could fix that problem, I'd purchased a harness that allows Her end of the strap-on to fit inside Her and still have the business end be at a comfortable angle, with the added security of the harness to hold things in place. Well, the purple thing is really rigid, much more than the pink one, and after a few minutes we realized that it wasn't working. We decided to put it aside and try something else. We may return to it in the future. 

Enter the realistic cock. We actually have two that are pretty similar to each other, and they are like my own cock: 7.5 - 8.0" long, cut, and reasonably thick (mine's slightly thicker). The package says it's 9" long, but some of it is unusable (because of the balls, base, and where it mounts to the strap-on ring).  The fake cocks are made of those dual layer silicone that's more rigid inside with a softer exterior. She lubed up the cock and it slid quite easily into my ass. It felt really good. It was definitely the best fucking She's given me. Again, I sucked another dildo (a big black cock) and masturbated. She again gave me permission to cum, and it was another large one.

There are some things to contemplate surrounding this new dynamic.

First, My Lady really likes fucking me, and I like when She does. There's definitely a power exchange going on there. I feel more submissive to Her each time She does it, and it appears that She is gaining more comfort dominating me. She says nasty things to me, telling me that my ass is Hers, that She loves fucking me, and that She's going to fuck me a lot going forward. I'm looking forward to it. My submissive feelings last well after the event. I find myself even more attentive to Her, and I look for more ways to make Her life better.

Second, Her control of my orgasms is increasing. She pretty much decides when I climax and when I can be out of the cock cage. We went to dinner with friends over the weekend, and as we dressed, I asked if She wanted me caged. She said, "yes, the bathrooms there are private, so there's no reason not to." I'm better off when I'm caged and when I don't cum as often.  After climaxing twice this weekend, my libido took a hit, and I'm just now starting to regain it. I told Her about that, and She said, "maybe I need to limit your climaxes to every six months!"  If I'm serious about giving up control then the duration is Her decision. It might take a while to work up to that level of denial, frankly. I know She loves and cares for me greatly, so I trust Her to set the intervals to something that is good for both of us. She has allowed me to be out of the cage for a few days, but it's time to go back in; I can tell. I bought one of those lock boxes with the numbered plastic locks that can be put on it. We haven't used it yet, but at some point perhaps She will take Her set of keys and put them where I cannot access them, while locking the other set up for emergency use only.

Third, the fact that the last four times I've cum has been while She fucked me and I sucked a fake cock is not lost on either of us. I have never been attracted to men, but when I'm sexually aroused and feeling submissive, cocks are a definite turn-on. I'd call myself bisexual in those moments. We've had conversations about threesomes, and cuckolding. We've play-acted using the dildos (on Sunday, She egged me on as I fucked Her with the BBC and sucked Her Clitoris at the same time). My Lady feels strongly against actually allowing another man into our play, and I'm 100% supportive of Her position. She also has zero interest in another woman, so that's off the table as well. There's a tremendous amount of risk in adding a third person to a sexual relationship; it's just not something that is realistic, at least for the foreseeable future. Of course, that doesn't stop the fantasies, and the play is really fun.

Thanks for reading,

Jennifer

Saturday, June 18, 2022

Starting a New Life Together

A lot more has been going on in our lives for the past ten months or so, beyond what were already very busy lives we've been leading.  Consequently, I've not had the time to post anything meaningful here, I didn't feel the desire or need to post an "I'm still here" message.  So, here I am, with a bit of time on my hands, and thought it'd be good to write something that I hope the reader will find mildly interesting.

My Lady and I recently got married. So, I am now officially Her husband, and She is my Wife. I will continue to call her my Lady here. I've also decided to honor Her more by capitalizing Her pronouns, and I'll do my best to be consistent in that regard. We are under one roof, and although there remains a bit a chaos associated with assimilating two households worth of belongings into one, the stress is orders of magnitude lower than it has been. Anyway, this is not a Better Homes and Gardens blog, so I'll get to the point and talk about our sex life. 

In short, it's fantastic, and getting better. I know I've posted about my submissiveness, and my feminine side. My Lady loves all of me, as She has reminded me repeatedly, and She is exploring the boundaries of our dynamic, and seems to be comfortable taking on a more dominant role. For example, she has gotten more verbal during our love-making. She likes to tell me that I'm going to worship Her Pussy. Which of course I love doing. I also often ask if I may worship Her Pussy. She sits on my face and smiles as She looks down at me while I minister to Her. I love making eye contact while doing so; it makes me feel even more submissive and under Her spell. Her Pussy is divine. I could spend hours licking, sucking and drinking Her in. 

She sometimes releases Her Wine while I am orally worshiping Her. At first it was inadvertent, and She was uncomfortable when She realized what had happened. I assured Her that it was more than fine, that I actually enjoy it. It has happened a few times since, and I'm not sure it has been accidental. She is definitely less inhibited about it. I suppose I enjoy Her Wine for several reasons. First, it is a truly submissive act, and as such it really turns me on; like She's marking Her territory. Second, knowing that I've pleased Her so intensely that She lost a bit of control makes me very happy. Third, I like the taste and the feeling of Her wetness in my mouth and on my face and neck.

My Lady has also effectively taken control of my orgasms, deciding when I may and may not come.  She'll often, as She did this morning, simply tell me that I'm not allowed to cum. My orgasms are less frequent than Hers, probably by a ratio of 3 or 4 to 1. I like it that way. I love the focusing being on Her pleasure; my pleasure derives from Hers. I feel like I'm a more attentive lover, husband, and partner when I have fewer climaxes, because I don't go through that letdown period after. I would be completely supportive of having even fewer orgasms, but that will be Her call. She still likes when I climax, and she likes the taste of my semen. I've also taken to wearing my chastity cages again, with Her support and encouragement. My hope is that one day She'll decide that for me as well, when I am required to be caged and when I am permitted to be free. It feels good to wear a cage, and I think it will feel even better knowing that I have little or no say in the matter. 

Before our wedding, my Lady told me that the marriage would not be truly consummated until She fucked me. I totally agreed. We did also consummate in the more traditional sense, and of course we both really love standard PIV intercourse. Physically, we fit very well together. She loves sucking my cock and feeling it inside Her. I think it feels amazing. But the idea of Her fucking gets me going. On our honeymoon, we went to an adult toy store and bought a strap-on and rather substantial pink phallus. She fucked me good and proper with it, and last week She did so again, and I masturbated while She fucked me hard. I also sucked on a fake cock while She egged me on, saying lots of hot and nasty things to me, like how She loves fucking me, and how hot I look sucking cock. I came a lot, all over my abdomen. She licked some up, scooped up some more and fed it too me, and then She used some of the remaining come to rub Her clitoris while riding my still hard cock. This afternoon, we repeated the scene, and it was even more pleasurable for both of us. 

I notice a definite correlation between my libido and my desires for femininity and crossdressing. Over the prior months when we were both stressed about a lot of things, my desire for sex diminished, and with it went my habit of wearing ladies clothes. Lately, the desire for lingerie, panties, and other attire has started to come back. It's something my Lady and I have discussed a lot, and She is amazingly supportive. Still, I am trying to be very sensitive to Her, and trying to be sure that it does not grow out of proportion or interfere with the rest of our relationship.

Thanks for reading,

Jennifer


Monday, September 20, 2021

Making the Most of a Small Window

This weekend, my lady and I had only a small window for private time. We made the most of it. It had been a long and busy week, filled with work, family obligations and a few concerts. All of the time I spent with her was grand, but there wasn't enough naked time for our liking.  Saturday afternoon, we finally had our "quality" time. She secured me to the bed and teased me, biting my nipples, rubbing her body across mine, and whispering erotic thoughts into my brain. I fell quickly and deeply into a submissive state. She alternately mounted and sucked my cock, teasing me about how good her juices taste on my cock. I yearned for my chance to taste her, as I cannot get enough of her beautiful, sexy delicious pussy.  She licked my shaft and said, "mmmm, so good," while smiling at me as I lay there, helpless.

Finally, she moved up and mounted my face. I worshipped her for a short while (it's never long enough) and then she went back to teasing me some more. After a bit she got up to pee, and I asked her if she'd please not wipe completely, because I wanted to taste her enhanced wetness. You may recall some time ago (I think I wrote about it) that my lady once inadvertently released some pee while I was worshipping her pussy, and while I enjoyed the experience immensely, she was a bit embarrassed by it. I thought this might be a way to reinforce that I really did enjoy it, and make her feel comfortable. My lady heeded my request, and when she remounted my face, I thought I would lose my mind with lust. Her taste was much as it was previously, but with a saltier edge to it. The actual flavor and the knowledge of what it was made my untouched cock grow, swell and become hard as granite. 

My lady loves to 69 with me while I worship her pussy, because she likes to suck my cock as well.  I think it's our favorite position overall, and one that she very often climaxes in. I get to watch her spasm when she does, and I love that. Another favorite position of mine is when she mounts my face facing the headboard. It enhances my submissive feelings, both due to the focus solely on her pleasure, and the power exchange that comes with eye contact in that situation.

We ended the session in a 69, and my lady had a powerful and long-lasting orgasm. There was no discussion of me having an orgasm. I appreciate that, and take it as a sign of her growing understanding of me and confidence in herself. 

Thanks for reading.

Jen.

Monday, August 30, 2021

Relaxation in the Sun

We've been working. A lot. We've found time to be intimate, but not as much as we'd have liked. Not as much as we needed. Now, we're a third of the way into a twelve day vacation on a warm, sunny island.  We have a "two-foot" rule, meaning we try to be in each others' company at nearly all times, as much as practical. Like gravitational attraction, our desires grow with the inverse square of our distance. We've had fabulous meals and lots of great times in the water. And we've had a lot of quality naked time. We've made love at least once per day, and my lady has experienced thundering orgasms in most of them. For the last two evenings, the activities of the day and alcohol consumed with dinner have tempered our activities, but the evening intimacy has only served to build the anticipation for the subsequent morning. 

I love everything about our sex life. My lady cums much more often than I do. I am very happy for that. I prefer her orgasms to my own. As a submissive, my greatest pleasure is in serving, pleasuring, and honoring my lady. It would take many blogs to unpack all the reasons, and I won't be doing that now, if ever. I yam what I yam, as Popeye said. I also prefer the feeling of denial, delay and elevated state of arousal that comes with not cumming for a while. It lingers throughout the day and makes me feel more energized and alive.

Yesterday morning, after bringing her to climax, she began to get ready for an outing we'd planned. I was lying in bed, my cock slowly returning from its erect state to a flaccid one without having cum. I watched her brushing her hair, and the feeling of love that I have for her just washed over my like a rogue wave. I cried, quietly, thinking about how fortunate I am have found this beautiful, amazing, kind, caring, accepting, and sexually adventurous woman. She is the love of my life; more than I ever dreamed of or dared to hope for. 

This morning, I'm up early. I'll shower soon, start the coffee, shower, shave, and put on some sexy lingerie that she hasn't seen yet. I plan to worship her body and bring her pleasure for as long as she likes. She'll orgasm, almost certainly. I might. 

I've told her that one of my fantasies is to climax inside her and then orally worship her again, consuming the mixture of our excitement. She, love of my life that she is, wants to fulfill that fantasy. It requires several specific things to happen, and in order. First, we intend for her to be on top, so that once I cum, she can move up my body and place her wet, cum-filled pussy onto my mouth. Thus, I must be able to climax in that position, which is a rare event. I normally climax in the standard missionary position, where I can thrust vigorously. She loves that by the way. I'm larger than average in the penis department, and we fit together very well. We both enjoy when I'm on top and fucking her hard. So if the need arises for me to orgasm, that's usually how it happens.

Next, I will have to come first, because my lady's lady parts get very sensitive after she orgasms, so oral homage after she comes is not really in the cards. I'm not used to coming first, and it's sort of against my submissive impulses. This is doable, physically, and she's very supportive. I just have to convince my submissive self that it's ok to do it.

Last, I have to not lose the urge to go down on her after my own orgasm passes, and my desires crash. There are a lot of things I'd do in the state of sexual arousal that are more challenging to do after. Consuming cum is one of those. Yes, I've done that. Before I met my lady, I experimented with various solo methods of sexual pleasure, including consuming my semen. I found that if I came in my hand, I could take it in my mouth almost immediately, before sexually crashing. I also found if I came in a glass, I could save it in the freezer for next time, and then consume that prior ejaculation while arousing myself for the next one. I also found that if I waited even a minute after coming, I lost all desire to swallow my own semen, and would just wash my hands instead. 

I have an idea about how we might accomplish all of the above. First, the longer I am delayed in climaxing, the more likely I will be able to come with my lady on top, and also be able to come first. It's been over a week for me at this point. Second, if I have a "ruined" orgasm, then my state of arousal won't diminish as quickly, and I should be able to maintain my desire to follow through.

You probably know what a ruined orgasm is if you read blogs like mine, but if you don't, here's a good description: https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a28539248/ruined-orgasm-bdsm/

The technique is to basically stop all physical stimulation shortly before the point of no return where, the contractions have started and you pretty much cannot prevent ejaculation. However, by removing the ongoing stimulation, timed just right, the physical release happens without the accompanying flood of endorphins. Thus, the sexual tension remains. 

It's ok if this doesn't happen soon. Maybe it'll take some work to build to it. Maybe we should practice with a ruined orgasm first, brought on manually onto my belly. She could then play with my cum as she likes, and we can go from there.

Whatever we do, I'm sure it'll be fun and exciting. 

Thanks for reading.

Jen



Wednesday, July 7, 2021

Awesome

My lady is awesome. I love her more deeply than I previously understood possible. 

I will recount some of the things I love about her, but inevitably I will neglect some important facet, because there are more aspects to her magnificence than my mind can retain at any given time.  Let me offer a short story about her.

As near as I can tell, my lady never really had a male figure in her life who treated her well.  I shall not recount the details, but neither her father, nor her ex-husbands gave her the respect and love that she deserves. Her exes had issues. I'll leave it at that. Still, she was able to separate their shortcomings from her own image of self-worth to a large degree. She is intelligent, ethical and strong. Not to mention beautiful, funny and so very sexy.

In spite of all that has been thrown her way, and yes, the choices she has made that didn't work out, my lady has been steadfast in her values. Her moral compass has never drifted. She tolerated unacceptable behavior, but only until she reached the decision that there was no longer the possibility of favorable resolution. She raised wonderful children without the support of a good husband, and for that alone she deserves a Medal of Honor.

You might imagine that, having had that history with men, when we started seeing each other her signal flares might have gone off. Danger, danger, Will Robinson... I disclosed as early as I could reasonably do so the "fatal flaws" that I felt that I carried, namely:

  • Divorced
  • Had an affair
  • Crossdresser

I have made many mistakes in my life. I shall not be defined by them. I have learned from them, and have grown substantially as a human as a result of them. Among my my mistakes was marrying a young lady (when I was a young man) with whom I could not communicate and from whom I grew apart. Having an affair was another one - a big one. I rationalized it, of course, but there's no defending it.  All I can to is own up to it, learn from it and move on. 

So, yeah, that's not a list of attributes a lady looks for in her man. It screams, "run for the hills!!!"  Particularly after the prior experiences she's had. It reminds me of this exchange in "As Good As It Gets" 

            CAROL

Why can't I have a normal boyfriend??? Why? Just a regular boyfriend who doesn't go nuts on me... 

BEVERLY
(butting in)
Everybody wants that, dear -- it doesn't exist...

That's definitely how I have felt - not normal. And I'm quite aware that I'm No. 3 of 3 in that regard in terms of the men who've lined up for her affections.

Except for two things. First, I love and respect her immeasurably. That makes me different than her prior men. Second, my lady makes me feel normal. Actually, she makes me feel exceptional. She makes me feel justified being who I am, how I am, and what I am. She sees the goodness in me (yes, I have good traits, too). She loves me for those traits, and she is learning to accept, and, dare I say, embrace my other "non-traditional" characteristics.

These past weekend was a long and glorious one. I had painted my toenails during the week, and as the weekend approached, chose not to remove the polish. My lady has been aware of my penchant for this, and has seen the evidence; I don't always do a great job removing all remnants. I left my socks on when she arrived, and explained why, emphasizing that I didn't want to push her out of her comfort zone. She smiled and said that she wanted to see them, so off came the socks and another step was taken. She complimented me on the job I did and said I looked sexy. What an amazing woman. Have I said that already?

We had a lot of sex this weekend. I cannot recount the events in sequence or in full detail. Frankly, I was too caught up in being with her to spend time committing it all to memory or writing it down. I remember vignettes, and I definitely remember feelings. I spent quite a bit of time, to my extreme pleasure, worshipping her pussy. I love everything about it, the taste, the feeling, the aroma, and most of all, how it makes her feel. I'm good at it, this I know. I told her that I'd love for her to grab hold of my head and just rub her pussy all over my face, using me to climax, and leaving my face a wet, hot mess that I'd leave unwashed for the rest of the day. We did that. Actually, I got a bit eager and did some of the moving myself. This surprised her, and she released maybe a half cup of pee into my mouth and onto my face, drenching me. It was warm and salty and I loved it. She didn't know that she'd done it until I told her. She was embarrassed and apologetic, until she saw how absolutely rock hard my cock had become. I wore her scent for hours. I could smell her and feel her on my skin after it dried. I felt possessed by her, marked and defined as hers, and I reveled in the feeling. I can't wait to repeat it.

She told me that I wasn't allowed to cum on Saturday, that she was going to tease me and then on Sunday she was going to fuck me with her purple strapless dildo. She had come maybe three times by this point in the weekend, and I was clearing the seven day mark since my last orgasm. I wore the cage a lot, including at a party we went to later.  However, being with her, or even thinking of her when we were apart kept me engorged, and I was a bit concerned about continued confinement in that condition, so I freed myself later that evening. A damaged penis is not good for either of us. 

On Sunday morning, we had a cuddle session that turned X-rated. She rode my cock and I worshipped her pussy.  She whispered how she was going to fuck me and make me hers. I fell deeper into sub-space, and begged her to take me in that way.  For the afternoon session, I spent time preparing myself to be the recipient. I still don't have the best procedure, I think, but I was successful in ensuring that I was clean back there. I went to her room (soon to be our room) while she tended to other things. I secured the restraints to my limbs, and my legs and right arm to the bed straps. When she came into the room, I was wearing a chemise, bunched up to my stomach, slowly masturbating with my free hand, and my cock was rock hard. This turned her on quite a bit. She likes watching me masturbate, and having her watch me is a real turn-on. 

As I believe I've mentioned previously, I have a pretty large cock. It measures between 7.5 and 8.0 inches and is proportionally thick. That is unusual in the general population, from the research I've done, and anecdotally even more rare among submissive, crossdressing males. My lady loves my cock, and the feeling is mutual. She loves to suck it, kiss it and tease it. I love watching her, and the feeling of her mouth on my cock is wonderful. We both love when I'm inside her. This is one of the many ways that we fit perfectly together. My lady had her way with me in these regards, and then she released my leg restraints to gain access to my rear opening. Some tongue action, followed by a lubricated finger got me ready. She started with the pink strap-on, which is a bit smaller. My back door has some work to do in order to accommodate larger objects, but we're working towards that. She had me suck her pink cock for a while before getting into position. I think we both like when she watches me do that. I looked at the combined scene and was struck by how unusual and incredibly erotic it was. My chemise, her beautiful, naked, sexy body poised to mount me, the strap-on harness, the pink dildo, my shaved legs, the restraints on my ankles, and my painted toenails. She entered me carefully, giving me time to adjust to the invader. She started moving in me, and we kissed. I looked into her smoky, eyes and was lost in her beauty.

After loosening me up, she switched over to the strapless one. It's going to take some practice to get the technique down so that it gives her the pleasure we seek for her while she fucks me. We stopped after a while, but made good progress. I want for us both to be able to orgasm when she fucks me. I long for the time when we're living together and she'll say, out of the blue, "go get yourself ready, I'm going to fuck you."  Ooooh.  

She did orgasm, using a combination of my mouth, my cock and her nimble fingers. It was a good one, based on my eye-witness account. She decided that she wanted me to come, and I ended up masturbating while she watched.

On Monday, we had more quality time in the morning as a prelude to a more intimate afternoon session. I had suggested that we spend part of the day taking a hike. To be honest, I was looking forward to that as a highlight of the day. I love being with her in all places, and doing all things. As it turned out, after taking care of things at our respective houses, when I returned to her place, my lady announced that we would not be hiking that day. Initially, I was crestfallen. She explained the timeline we had for the remaining part of the day, and determined that there wasn't time for the hike. I didn't argue, but I did express that I was a little disappointed. There are a few takeaways from this interaction. First, I quickly realized that if I truly meant what I said to her numerous times, i.e. "I'll do anything for you," then that includes abiding by her decision when it's not up for debate. This was one of those cases, and I took comfort in being able to follow her lead without drama. Second, it was really hot outside, so a hike at that time of day would have been somewhat miserable. I was happy that she made the decision and that I accepted it. That would have been true even if it had turned out that we did have time. But she was correct. By the time we did the other necessary things, we'd have been left with the choice of a hike or time in the bedroom. Duh.

Our bedroom time focus was on anal again, but this time she was the recipient. She likes it a lot, and we will be doing more of that. I followed her pattern from the day before, staring with my tongue, then my fingers and finally the pink dildo in the strap-on. She's not ready to accommodate my cock, yet. She wanted to repeat the double penetration scene we did once, but I'm having trouble keeping my cock hard and ready to play in that situation. We used the realistic cock as the second player for her pussy, and she came quite hard that way. We closed out the session with her stroking me for a good long while, until her arm got tired. I loved how it felt, and she's learning how to work me, but we have some more practicing to do. I took over for her, and she whispered into my ear. When she told me how she's going to fuck me regularly, I climaxed intensely. She smiled.

I love this woman, more than words can express.

Thanks for reading.

Jen

Monday, June 21, 2021

Recovery

I had a temporary medical issue that put me out of commission for over a week.  Consequently, the my lady and I set a record (for us) for time between sexual activities. Although I offered to lie on the bed and have her make use of my oral skills, she declined, saying that she wanted me to focus on recovering. I can think of no better definition of true love between a couple than for each to put the other's well-being above their own. 

By this past weekend my healing was well underway. On Friday evening after dinner, I stated my desire to lie naked next to her in my bed, even if nothing came of it. She accepted my proposal, and something, or rather someone, came of it. It had been nearly two weeks for us.

By the way, in the counter on this blog, I don't track if my lady takes matters into her own hands when we're apart. She's told me that she sometimes does, and I'm happy for her to do that whenever the mood strikes her. I'm equally happy to save my own orgasms for her, although I do edge myself during the week when the mood strikes. It turns me on to give over orgasm control to her. She is growing more comfortable with the idea.

Back to Friday. She informed me that I would not be coming this night. We stuck to traditional activities, although she denied me the pleasure of worshipping her pussy. As previously articulated, she is meticulous about being fresh down there before allowing me the honor. She had not anticipated my offering to lie naked with her, and thus felt unprepared. I think I could grow to adore lapping at her nether region in nearly any condition if we could both feel sufficiently comfortable. However, since I am also very self-conscious of own hygiene, I completely understand and respect her decision. We ended up with a lovely cuddle session which followed a rather thunderous orgasm brought on by my penis inside her, my fingers and lips on her nipples, and her own hand on her clitoris. There is no more beautiful sight in the world than that of her face in the throes of pleasure. I live for those moments.

Saturday morning started with breakfast together. I'd slept at my house but visited her quite early. I put on my black cock cage - I'd not worn one in nearly two weeks - and presented her the key upon my arrival. After nourishing our bodies, we nourished our souls with an intimate and prolonged foreplay session. She announced that neither of us would be coming this time, but rather we would build the sexual tension for later in the day. It now having been a full two weeks, I was ready to agree to any terms she offered. This time, I reveled in the honor of orally worshipping her. I'm pretty sure I'm addicted to the act. I feel like I'm on another plane when ministering to her sex, and it is never long enough, which only adds to my arousals and deepens my submission.

She unlocked my cage, but did not remove the ring. My cock gets quite engorged when partially constricted like that; rather veiny and deep in color. We're careful to ensure circulation is not entirely cut-off, as accidental castration would be rather contrary to the goals of our sex lives. She enjoyed sucking on it and stroking it. She then mounted me and it felt amazing. After a while she climbed off and said, "I get to taste myself now, you'll have to wait." She licked her own juices from my granite hard cock, while I whimpered in envy, longing for her taste. Finally, she moved up and allowed me the honor of worshipping her glorious pussy. I suckled, licked, and kissed her gently, delicately and reverently. I looked up and watched her sucking on the dildo. I think she does that mostly for my benefit, but it definitely looked like she was enjoying it. I certainly was. We ended not long after, saving ourselves for the afternoon. When my penis gave up and decided to go back to normal size, we locked me back up and she kept the key. Off I went to my house to tend to chores while she did likewise.

The afternoon session started after lunch, with me saying, "if you'll give me the key, I'll unlock and take a quick rinse." Her reply: "who said anything about needing you unlocked today?" That certainly set the tone, and put me where I belong. I loved it!  We set about connecting the straps to the bed, and then me to the straps. She had me locked and bound, and she seemed to relish the power. I watched her touch herself, playing with her nipples and rubbing her pussy lips. My penis struggled mightily against its confines. She teased and licked my cage confined cock, and played with my exposed balls. She got out the dildo again, and sucked on it, then she rubbed her clitoris with it, and finally started fucking herself. I could hear the wetness as I watched her plunge the thing repeatedly into her opening. She pulled it out and made quite a show of licking and sucking her juices from it. I licked my lips and pleaded for a chance to taste her. She just smiled and denied my request. After repeating the act, she took pity on me and the third time she withdrew, she placed the cock at my lips. I sucked it hungrily, tasting her intoxicating wetness, going as deep as I could on that dick. She watched me suck and fucked my mouth with it a little. 

As in the morning session, she removed my cage but not the ring. She mounted me and took her pleasure, riding my cock and sucking the other one. Then she announced it was time to fuck me.  She used a pink dildo on me. As she climbed on the bed, I asked if I should suck her cock first. Eagerly she presented it to my mouth, and just as eagerly I took it in my mouth, bobbing on it, taking it as deep as I could. She said, "ooh, that's hot." It was. I felt so submissive, so feminine as we positioned a pillow under my ass, she fingered me to loosen me up and then entered me.

My previous experiences with her penetrating me have not been unpleasant, but also not really what I would call particularly enjoyable. This time was different, maybe due to the position, the preparation, the two weeks of not having orgasmed, or a combination thereof. She looked into my eyes and moved in rhythmic fashion.  The harness pressed against her sex, making the experience pleasurable for both of us. My cock remained fully erect. She grabbed the other dildo and started sucking it again. Then she leaned in close and I kissed her face with the cock still in her mouth. We started sharing it, licking and kissing it together, and then alternately sucking it. 

It was better than any fantasy I've ever had. It's because all that we do wells from a spring of love, flowing over a waterfall of mutual desire, and into pool of safety, serenity and comfort. We know that we can be uninhibited with each other, and while a lifetime of repression is difficult to shed, we have come a long way, together.

After a little while longer, I asked if she wanted to reverse positions. She went off to clean the pink dildo. When she came back into the room, she found me masturbating, while sucking the other cock. She commented approvingly, although the specific words have escaped my memory at this point. I put the strap-on harness on and inserted the pink dildo into it again. She got on all fours, and I prepared her rear opening. When she was ready, I penetrated her. My cock was firm, but not quite firm enough, and the angle was not optimal for me to enter her pussy with it. Always the problem solver, I reached for the other dildo. And so it happened that I fucked her ass and pussy with two dildos while my own cock remained on standby. She reached under and used her fingers to bring herself to a massive climax in this way. We lay on the bed while she recovered, after I removed the harness. My erection returned with a little casual stroking on my part. She took me in her mouth and teased me further for a while, then laid with me again. She asked how she could help me cum.

At my suggestion, she re-secured me to the bed straps and used a lot of lubricant on my cock. She played with me and it felt amazing to have her do that. Still, I couldn't climax. She asked what we should try, and I asked her to release my hands so that I could masturbate while she watched. She watched closely, sucking on the dildo while I brought myself off. It was massive, and a large load soon covered my stomach and hands. She used the dildo to wipe some of it up and licked it off. We laid together in the blissful afterglow of an adventurous and very sexually rewarding session. 

Sunday morning, after breakfast, I announced that I was going to lie naked on the bed for a while, and invited my lady to join me. I sort of figured she might.  :-)  It was a sensual follow-up to the prior day's festivities, and it concluded with an intense climax for her. We planned for more fun later in the day, but things got in the way. We ended up naked in bed in the evening, where we cuddled and had some brief oral and penetrative exchanges, but alas we were too tired and had had a few too many glasses of wine to be fully effective. We fell asleep in each other's arms.

It's difficult to explain how joyous our adventure is. Both of us, for different reasons, have repressed or perhaps not discovered our sexuality previously. Through a lot of conversation, open-mindedness, respect, trust, and most of all, love, we have enriched our lives and become even more deeply committed to each other than ever.

Thanks for reading.

Jen

Monday, May 24, 2021

Weekend Fun

I am playing catch-up on our activities, as we had a highly active week and weekend, and not a lot of time to write. In the last episode, our heroes were basking in the afterglow of a Wednesday session. On Thursday, we continued the fun, this time at her place.

After a long day of work for both of us, I showered and brought dinner to her house. Do not think me too special for that; it was leftovers that she had prepared the night before at my house. We sat on the deck for a bit. She talked on the phone with a few folks about some important things, I fetched some wine, and positioned my chair so that she could place her beautiful feet on my lap. I basked in the glow of the evening sun and the brilliance of her beauty, gently massaging her legs and feet, looking upon this most beautiful woman. Being in her presence, contacting her skin, I drifted into a submissive state, and cleared from my mind the challenges of a difficult workday. From that moment, and for the rest of the evening, I wanted only to please her in every possible way. After her calls, we had a pleasant conversation to catch up on the happenings of our lives and had dinner.

Afterward, I asked if she wanted to relax somewhere comfortable, nodding to the stairs. We proceeded to her bedroom. While she tended to herself in the bathroom, I stripped to just my pink HT and then strapped myself her to bed (yes, she still had the bondage gear attached), locking my ankles and left wrist. She smiled when she entered, locking my right wrist in place. The feeling of being bound and helpless in the presence of the woman I love and trust with my life is incredible. It was not long before she settled upon my face and my lips and tongue were dancing across her majestic feminine folds. After a while, she turned around and I continued my worship, while she toyed with my restrained cock and balls. As is normally the case, she wanted me inside her and for me to use my hands, and she undid the wrist restraints and unlocked the HT. I helped remove the base ring because it is a bit tricky to do in an aroused state. She alternatively rode my cock while I suckled and gently pinched her breasts and rode my face. It is such a turn-on for me to be of service to her. She came while I was inside her, and I watched her face in love and awe as she rode the wave of a massive orgasm. We snuggled for a while, caressing and kissing gently. I returned home, without locking myself back up, and went to bed.

Friday evening, we ate at my place, and then went to hers to spend the night. I had worn my steel cage all day and replaced it after showing again at the end of the workday. As we were both tired, we went to bed and fell asleep rather quickly. At around 3:00 AM, we found ourselves both awake. One thing led to another and soon I was worshipping her pussy again. My cock was trying to burst its metal prison and started to get a bit uncomfortable. We removed the cage part, but I was too engorged to get the ring off. She stroked my raging boner, with veins bulging, impressed with the extra hardness caused by the ring. She mounted me, and I could tell that she loved how it felt. She came again, gloriously. When things calmed down a bit, I was able to remove the ring, and we slept the rest of the night.

Saturday and early Sunday were busy with things that are not the stuff of sex blogs. On Sunday afternoon, she came over. I had prepared dinner and wanted it all set to make later so we could have some alone time in the bedroom. The whole meal prep task is a bit like foreplay for me. I love pleasing my lady in every way, and that includes making meals for her to enjoy.

Something had been bothering me, and I had difficulty putting my finger on it. Of course, she sensed it immediately, and we had a long discussion. I finally was able to describe it toward the end of the evening, but I will reveal it now. I have no doubt that she loves me deeply. I have no doubt that I love her as deeply. My difficulty is that I sometimes do not love myself as I should. It is important to feel good about yourself, to objectively appreciate your good qualities, and to accept those parts of you that you might wish were not there, or different, recognizing that humans are an evolutionary way point on a meandering route to survival and not a perfectly designed end state. 

For me, crossdressing has been a decades-long behavior, and I do not realistically see it coming to an end any time soon. My lady accepts "all of me," but at the same time I know it is a really, really big ask to have her deal with this part of me. She has been so incredibly supportive, comforting and amazing, and I could not have hoped for a better response from her. Still, I sometimes wish I could just make this part of me go away, to simplify things. I get down on myself about that, and that's how I was feeling.

She wanted to help me feel better and asked what she could do. I asked her to make love to me, and to hold me. I know, those are rather feminine types of responses, aren't they? Well, it is how I felt, so it is what I said. We did make love. She had crotch-less panties and matching bra under her dress, I had white panties under my clothes. We were quickly down to those and not much later we were naked. No toys today. No lingerie, dildos, restraints, or plugs. Just us. It was fabulous. She talked dirty to me, telling me that she was going to come on my face, and I worshipped her body. She sucked my cock, and told me she wanted to taste my cum. She watched as I masturbated, saying other sexy things to me, encouraging me. I told her that I needed her to come first, and so she did, riding my cock while I pinched her nipples, and she rubbed her clitoris on me. I could tell it was a huge one. She rolled over and I entered her in the missionary position. That is normally the way I climax, as I can thrust vigorously that way. 

I suppose that abstaining for a week, coupled with multiple mid-week sessions had me harder than usual, because it felt really good to both of us. In fact, it felt so good to her that she orgasmed again. That has not happened before; her coming twice in one session, and with me on top. Alas, my bigger sex organ, my brain was still not fully resolved of its inner turmoil, and climax eluded me again. That only bothers me for two main reasons. First, my lady wants me to have orgasms. It pleases her when I do. Second, physically, things are getting a bit backed up down there. Maybe during the week, we will have a chance to address that. Otherwise, I may continue my abstinence for another week.

By my count, my lady had five orgasms this week, while I had zero, and so ten for her to one for me in the last two weeks. It feels right to me that she should have some high number for each one of mine. 

Thanks for reading.

Jen

P.S. I added a couple of counters on the left side of the blog. Just experimenting with that.

Wednesday, May 19, 2021

It's Working

I underwent a hormone replacement procedure recently. The intent was to increase my energy level and also to sleep better during the night.  As we age, our hormone levels diminish, for the simple reason that there isn't an evolutionary benefit to people who are past their child rearing years to continue to have the urge to procreate. I suppose there is a benefit to the furtherance of our genetic material if the older folks would kindly step out of the way.  Well, I'm not ready to do that, fuck you very much. My lady isn't either, and it was on her advice that I went ahead and scheduled the procedure.  For the first week, I gained no benefit, but rather had some minor discomfort from the incision. For the next week, things were sort of neutral; I wasn't uncomfortable anymore, but also wasn't feeling any benefits.

I would say that things have changed now, and for the better. Last night, a Tuesday no less, we made out like teenagers on the sofa. It was erotic, suckling her breasts while they enveloped the two chastity keys that she keeps on her necklace, knowing one of them was for the device I was wearing. I have been alternating between my steel cage and my pink Holy Trainer, and this night it was HT's turn. We were both quite aroused, but stopped before going too far.  

My lady is still recovering from the weekend. We think she had at least five orgasms, two on Friday, two on Saturday, and one on Sunday. I never thought losing count of orgasms was a thing before. I abstained from climaxing until after her fifth one, but I was quite active with her. I pleased her orally and with penetration, repeatedly. Her climaxes are the highlights of our lovemaking, without question.  I definitely enjoy mine, and I know that she does. too. It's just that my climaxes are fleeting, lasting maybe ten seconds or so, while hers seem to go on for much longer. On the other hand, if I don't climax during our sessions, then I'm just that much more on edge, attentive to my love, and eager to please her the next time. In fact, I'm eager to please her in between, showing her in every way how much she means to me. That's not to say that my love for her is only driven by my sexual urges. No, no, it is far deeper than that. Spiritual, I might say if I believed in that sort of thing. I love her on every level. We are best friends, and we love being together and doing everything together. If we were not lovers (perish the thought!), she'd still be the best friend I've ever had.

The hormone replacement, for me at least, has not diminished my submissive or feminine feelings. If anything, they are amplified, along with my overall sex drive. I don't suppose I should have expected anything different, but I wasn't sure, and it was an interesting observation. I'm not a medical person, so my understanding of the whole hormonal balance thing is elementary. I do know that both men and women manufacture the "male" testosterone and the "female" estrogen, and that balance between them is important. I suppose I was curious to see if the therapy, which changed the balance, might change my desires proportionally. I'm here to claim a single data point in the experiment; the answer is a definite no. The rising tide has lifted all boats. Not only do I feel more sexually energetic as a whole, I also feel  stronger submissive and feminine desires in line with the overall increase in my libido.

My lady reassures me, repeatedly, that she loves all of me, and I believe her. I know it's true. Our recent times together have included my wearing a new animal print chemise with matching panties, and a cute little pajama set - tank top, shorts and a robe, both of which she commented on approvingly, and caressed softly.  After she did so, I pointed to the protrusion tenting my shorts and asked, "do these pajamas make my dick look big?"  She laughed and said, "no, your dick makes your dick look big."  :-)

We are both benefiting from the fortune that has befallen me in that regard. I didn't earn it, but am grateful for having been endowed with a larger than average cock. We fit together very nicely, and it feels so good to both of us when I'm inside her.  I can also last as long as she wants me to. In fact, my issues is generally whether I can climax at all, not whether I cannot hold out until she is satisfied.

That's another thing I've pondered. In most stories and blogs I read about submissives, crossdressers and sissies, they are undersized and subject to prematurely ejaculating. Thus, as the stereotype goes, they are humiliated and embarrassed by their lack of endowment and performance. The feelings wrap around upon themselves, and they get sexually charged by being subjugated by their ladies, to all sorts of predictable ends, including feminization, long-term chastity, servitude, pegging, public exposure, cuckolding, and "forced" bi-sexuality.  I don't read about men with larger cocks who can last for a long time having those feelings or finding their way down the path I just mapped out. It's not a surprise, really, but I do find myself at odds with at least part of that stereotype.

I am, to be sure, a submissive crossdresser. My lady and I have spoken at some length about some of the various aspects of a Domme/sub relationship that includes crossdressing. Neither of us finds embarrassment and humiliation to be appealing. We love, admire and respect each other on every level. Our sex life is an expression and extension of that. We verbalize and physically demonstrate our love while making love, and it is glorious. It happens that my sexuality is closely linked to femininity - worshipping her, submitting to her desires, putting her pleasure first, and feeding my own feminine urges - while at the same time using my masculine endowment to bring us both heightened pleasure.

I've pondered my own sexuality for decades, but have never had a partner who was so open-minded, adventurous, and loving before I met my lady, and thus have never acted other than in a solo fashion, with exaggerated fantasies as my stimulus. She is rather new to this whole aspect of sex as recreation and adventure. Her ex was not, shall be say, open-minded. We are exploring our new world, together. We are not in a rush. We communicate regularly about what works and what doesn't, at what pace we may proceed, and what routes we may explore. It's the journey that matters, not the destination. What is most important is that we are on this road together. Always and forever.

Thanks for reading.

Jen

Saturday, May 15, 2021

A Fantasy Weeknight

When he heard the garage door open, his heart skipped a beat, and his excitement grew. Even after all this time together, he still found that the highlight of his day was the moment she walked in the door, because he knew that for the rest of the evening, he would have her to himself and could tend to her every need, mind, body and soul. He loved her endlessly, and there was nothing better than being in her presence. She, likewise, loved him more every day, and grew to cherish their particular brand of marriage, though it had taken some time to see herself the way he did. He poured her a glass of her favorite red wine. Everything else was ready.

He had recently retired, but he was by no means idle. He filled his days with a variety of activities, some of which were for his own physical and mental well-being. He exercised, read books and played his guitar at scheduled times each day, finding that a rigorous schedule was still the most efficient method of accomplishing a lot, and he had a lot to do. He spent hours around the house, doing special projects, fixing things and such. He was not so good at regular cleaning, although he was learning how to be better at it and understood the standards that she required. She actually enjoyed cleaning, so it was not a task that she had transferred to him; at least not yet. However, he did most of the shopping, the laundry, and ironing, by now.

She continued to work, not because they needed the money, but because she loved what she did, and she was exceptionally good at it. She loved helping people feel better about themselves, and she loved the social aspect of her job.

Having loved him from the start, it had taken some time for her to adjust to his feminine side. She was not expecting that when they’d met, because he gave no outward indication at a casual glance. Once you see the signs though, it becomes more apparent. His legs and arms were clean-shaven. In fact, as she soon discovered, he was completely hairless below the eyebrows, and even those were trimmed short and somewhat shaped. He had not tried to hide his nature from her, and he unfurled his colorful flag just as fast as he reasonably could, striving to be honest and open while working to overcome his most dreadful fear of outright rejection and abject disdain. You do not begin a relationship by revealing your deepest secrets, that is simply weird.

Now, she knew of his penchant for dressing en femme, and encouraged it because she loved him, she knew that it made him happy, and she understood how the various threads of his psychological fabric were tightly interwoven. Surely, trying to extricate a single strand would jeopardize the entire tapestry.  No, she loved all of him, as he was. He sometimes would spend most of the day as his feminine alter ego if he had nowhere to be. Or if he did venture out, it might be in clothes that were from the ladies’ side of the store, but androgenous enough that no one seemed to notice. In the evenings, he would change his look, matching her preferences. She loved his masculine side, too, and he loved being what she needed him to be. He would wear something more feminine in the evening if she asked him to, which was a rare but not unheard-of occurrence.

He also wore a chastity device at nearly all times. It helped him avoid temptation, and its presence was a constant reminder of how he had surrendered himself to her, physically, emotionally, and sexually.  She now understood that limiting his orgasms led to feelings that he enjoyed immensely, a near constant state of simmering arousal, and deepened submissiveness.  She saw that he was even more eager and creative in finding ways to please her and make her life easier and recognized the mutual benefit of his servitude.

This day, for no particular reason other than to express his love, he set out to make a special evening for her. Pleasant surprises are an important part of a relationship. He did the meal planning and prepared a list of ingredients he required. Having worked as her assistant in the kitchen, he’d watched and learned. To be sure, his skills, knowledge and creativity were the second best in their household, but he was a far better chef than any other non-professional that he knew.

She had been vegan for years before they met, and while he had not been, he did eat a healthy diet, and so it was easy for him to immediately switch. Her amazing culinary skills quickly made him forget what eating used to be like. His realization of the cruelty surrounding animal-based products cemented his commitment to this new dietary routine. He was now vegan. He’d be anything she wanted him to be. Not only because he loved her, but because he trusted her, and he respected her brilliant mind and empathetic heart.

She walked in the door, and he greeted her with a smile, a long and enveloping hug, and a soulful kiss. He took her coat and bag from her and placed them where they belonged. He followed her into the kitchen, where her glass of wine awaited, shadowed by a fresh bouquet of flowers. She smiled and thanked him. Dinner was simmering, the table was set, the animals were fed, and music was playing in the background; there was nothing to do but be with her while she relaxed and unwound from her day.

She sat comfortably on the sofa, and he knelt before her. He positioned a foot basin, filled with warm, scented water just a few minutes prior, slipped off her shoes, and she placed them in the water. He loved her beautiful, sexy feet, as he did the rest of her, and knew that after standing for most of the day that they would be aching. She feared the aroma from a long day on them would be off-putting. He allayed her concerns with this routine of bathing them. While she soaked, he joined her on the sofa. She needed some time to catch her breath after a busy day, and so he just sat next to her, gently holding her hand. He could almost feel the tension of the day leaving her body.

After a few more minutes, he knelt again, taking one foot onto the towel draped across his lap. He dabbed at it until it was sufficiently dry and repeated the process with the other foot. Moving the basin out of the way, he brought out some lotion, and massaged it into her skin, further softening them and chasing away the tension that remained. They made eye contact, and she smiled. She could not tell who was enjoying this ritual more. When he finished, he reverently kissed the top of each foot and replaced her slippers.

They sat together for a while longer, and then she decided it was time to eat. She sat at the head of the dining room table, and he prepared and served their plates, then sat at the side of the table. As they ate, she related the stories of her day. He listened closely, asking questions, filling in the picture in is mind. She commented on the delightful meal that he’d prepared, and he was pleased that she found it delicious. She asked about his day, and he related the various events. She listened closely and wanted more details because she loved him.

Afterward, he cleared the table and set about to clean the kitchen, which did not take long, as he always cleaned as he went while cooking. “I’d like a bath,” she said to him, “tell me when it’s ready.” She went into her home office to tend to some post-hours business. He quickly finished his kitchen task and proceeded to draw the bath. It was a beautiful large free-standing soaking tub that they had installed in their recently remodeled Mistress Bathroom (Master Bathroom was just the wrong term). It could be accessed from all sides, which was perfect for their arrangement. Setting the water to the correct temperature, he added her favorite bath gel. He ensured the rest of the bathroom was neat and tidy. He set the lighting, lit some scented candles, and changed the music to one of her favorite playlists. He put some towels on the warming rack and ensured that her robe was within reach.

He heard her on the phone with a client as he approached her office, and he waited patiently until she finished. “My love,” he called to her quietly from the doorway, “your bath is ready for you.” She looked at him and smiled. She was getting used to his services and starting to accept the fact that she was deserving, but still she by no means took him for granted. “Thank you, sweetie, I’ll be there in a moment.  Why don’t you put on something sexy, and then you can tend to me in the bath?” It was not a question, it was a gift.

He took leave of her to do as she commanded.  He stripped and went to his special closet, choosing a new pink chemise with matching panties that she had not seen before.  As the garment covered his body, he slipped into a deeper state of submission. He padded into her bathroom, and she caressed his silky fabric approvingly. He slowly undressed her, removing her work attire, and then her undergarments. She stood there wearing only a smile, took his hand and allowed him to guide her into the perfectly conditioned water. At her behest, he fetched another glass of wine, and knelt at the side of the tub while she closed her eyes, sipped and relaxed. She had never been more beautiful as he watched her body soak in the warm bath.

“Wash me, now,” she instructed. She tilted her head back slightly as positioned himself at the head of the tub. He used a cup to pour water repeated onto her hair, careful to avoid it running onto her face. Sufficiently wetted, he gathered a dollop of her shampoo and began to massage her scalp and follicles, tending to her with reverence and appreciation for this high honor. Rinsing her, he repeated the actions with her conditioner. Moving to the side now, he took her each arm in turn and gently washed and rinsed them. She laid her head back, with her eyes closed, reveling in his ministrations. He washed her chest, spending more time than necessary ensuring her breasts were clean. They smiled at each other. The stimulation of her nipples always led to her arousal, and this time was no different. She brought his head forward, he suckled her breasts, and she cooed.

She leaned forward and he scrubbed her back. Then he proceeded to bathing her gorgeous legs and feet.  Oh, how he loved to tend to her body. He could not contain himself, and as he rinsed her feet, he gently took each toe in his mouth and sucked them. She watched him, amused, enthralled and inspired. He was performing over and above his expected duties. It was clear that the more she took charge, the more she required of him, the deeper his submission and devotion grew, and the happier they both were.

She reserved the cleaning of her womanly parts to her own hands, in part for hygienic reasons, but also to tease him further.  He watched her ministrations, reflexively licking his lips. She turned over to her knees and had him attend to one final region. He washed cheeks of her sexy backside, and then worked his hands up and down her intergluteal cleft, focusing repeatedly on her opening.  He circled it with his finger and probed inside it. He pushed inside with one soapy finger, and then a second.  He repeated, while listening to her moans of satisfaction.  “Make sure you get me nice and clean there,” she commanded, “clean enough to eat.” He grew firmer in his cage. He had confessed to her is desire to worship her ass with his lips and tongue, and she had thus far declined. It seemed that this night she would grant him the honor. Another step on their journey. He shook with anticipation as she emerged from the bath and he applied the towel to her fabulous female frame. “Go and turn down the bed, place some pillows in the center. Brush your teeth, and wait for me,” she instructed.

He did as he was told, and she came into the bedroom, naked and beautiful. She kissed him and grasped his caged cock and swollen balls.  “If you do a good job worshipping my ass tonight, I might let you out.” He had not needed the extra motivation. This was yet another fantasy, coming true. She laid on the bed, her gorgeous glutes prominently displayed. He knelt behind her, and softly kissed her cheeks, then more passionately. He licked her cleft, repeatedly, long slow flat-tongued movements that heightened their arousal. He parted her cheeks just a bit more and looked at her opening. He knew the term ass-kisser was derogatory. He was now an ass-worshipper. But it was not an act of humiliation or punishment. It was an act of love, on both their parts. A new way for him to demonstrate his limitless love for her, and a new way for her to accept it.

He kissed her opening, gently and repeatedly, with closed lips, both of them getting used to the feeling. Then, without thought, he opened his mouth and kissed her more passionately. She let out a grateful moan, and it inspired him. He kissed her more deeply, more urgently. His tongue flickered out across her flesh. It circled and darted, checking her comfort level. She shifted, raising her ass a bit higher. He pressed further against her opening with his lips.  He stiffened his tongue and probed, pushing past the opening to the vestibule of her most private region. He wiggled it around and she spoke, “oh, that feels soooo nice.” He pushed further and further, until his tongue was as far into her as it could go. He plunged and swirled, kissed and licked, bathed and caressed her opening. She reached one hand under and began to stimulate herself.  He continued his oral homage as she masturbated. He inserted one, then a second finger into her very wet pussy, sawing in and out at a tempo that varied from that of his tongue. She voiced greater and greater sounds of pleasure as her approaching orgasm gathered strength. Then, like a Tsunami, it crashed upon her. He could feel her convulsions on his tongue and his fingers as her muscles squeezed and relaxed in great spasms of ecstasy.

He continued ministering to her, feeding her pleasure, mindful of her own actions. When her orgasm subsided, and he sensed her hand moving away, he withdrew his fingers and his tongue. She lay in post-orgasmic bliss. He hurriedly went to rinse his mouth and brush his teeth, and upon returning, lay next to her, kissing her face, caressing her body, and sharing the joy that she felt. They moved the pillows, allowing her to lay flat and comfortably. He continued his soft caresses, and gentle kisses. He expressed how much he loved her and thanked her for allowing him to worship her in that way. “It won’t be the last time,” she replied. They lay quietly together for a time, and he realized that she’d fallen asleep. He arranged the covers over her body, removed his lingerie, and lay next to her, watching in awe this most beautiful and wonderful lady with whom he had so totally fallen in love. There would be no release for him this night. Still, he had never been happier than at that moment.

Wednesday, May 12, 2021

A Fantasy Weekend

It began on Friday in the early afternoon. They both had the day off, but she had some things to do in the morning that did not require his participation. They had discussed the upcoming weekend, and she had sent him a list of expectations and preparations. She provided only and outline of the itinerary, thus allowing her the flexibility to make on-the-fly changes. 

He, having been locked and chaste for coming up on two weeks, was energetic and full of anticipation. He set his preparation with seriousness and focus. He'd waited his whole life for a weekend like this, and he was desperate not to fuck it up. Having confessed his deepest fantasy to her, he looked at himself in the mirror as he shaved and reflected on the direction his life had taken since they'd met. He had known about his submissiveness for practically the whole of his life. He'd suffered heartache and humiliation (not the good kind) because, well, men aren't supposed to be submissive. They aren't supposed to be crossdressers. They aren't supposed to be sissies. They aren't supposed to value the woman's pleasure more than their own. 

She did not see him as submissive when they met. They had fallen in love quickly, and he did his best to be open and honest about his nature from the outset. For someone not used to seeing people in the context of "dominant" or "submissive," what he had to say was not easily internalized. It was only after countless hours of conversation, endless hours of her own research, and hundreds of sessions of love-making that she began to understand him, and something about herself as well.

A beautiful woman in every sense of the term, she also gained great satisfaction from giving, and not only to those whom she loved. She was kind to strangers, to the downtrodden, and to creatures of all species. Her heart opened to those who, like herself, had not been treated well in the past. 

She had not thus far had the benefit of finding a man who would treat her with the respect, love, and kindness that she so deserved. Until she met him. Her life changed that day. The road they were now on was not what she'd ever expected or could even have imagined. But each day, as he expressed and demonstrated his ever-deepening love to her, she felt herself changing inside. She was silly, funny, snarky, and playful and they filled each other with laughter in the kitchen, in the car, and nearly everywhere. She felt safe for the first time expressing her sexuality.  She wore sexy lingerie, she touched herself while he watched. She tied him up, blindfolded him, and bid him to worship her womanhood. As she asserted control over their lovemaking, he surrendered willingly, providing assurances that reinforced her confidence to take them further down the road than either had ventured previously.

"You are the love of my life," he'd said to her. "There is nothing that I would not do to please you, and to make your life better."  She believed him, but she didn't fully fathom the depth of that declaration, nor visualize the possibilities. She'd received his worshipful ministrations, been the beneficiary of a tongue that danced and flitted across her most sensitive and moist regions, taking her on orgasmic journeys to heights she'd never achieved. She witnessed the firmness of his erections whenever he pleased her orally, without any direct stimulation, and understood that his devotion was sincere. Whenever he entered her, he moved in ways to maximize her pleasure. He could go indefinitely, remaining hard and not climaxing, so long as it was pleasing to her. He would stop without climaxing if she so desired.

She wanted to reciprocate, as was her nature. She said to him, "tell me your fantasy, and I will make it come true."  She had a good idea by now what made him tick. She felt him grow harder inside her that time she whispered, "you are not allowed to cum today. Maybe tomorrow."  She heard the moan escape his lips when she bid him to wear lingerie, and then caressed him and told him how sexy he was. She anticipated that his fantasy would be along those lines, pushing the envelope further.

He thought long and hard about what he wanted, what to say. It was a complex question. An easy answer, consistent with the stories and videos easily found on the web, would involve her doing various things to him, the details of which the reader may imagine for themselves. She could tie him up and tease him for hours maybe, or peg him while he was in chastity, or maybe dress him like a maid and have him do her laundry, cleaning, etc. But these were not his ultimate fantasy. Oh, to be sure, they were stories he'd read, and masturbated to. Stories and images that got him off, sometimes. He thought to be careful not to idealize, not to project an unrealistic vision of a "perfect" scene that would playout exactly as he imagined. No, any fantasy-come-true would be different. It would be less of a caricature and more real. There would be uncertainty, nervousness and goofs. They would maintain a sense of humor, and not embody the stoic seriousness that he'd typically found in his browsing. He anticipated that these scenes might one day happen, tailored to the two of them. If she wished. 

That was the thing. What he wanted, more than anything, was for her to see herself as he did. He wanted her to realize and accept that she was deserving of his full and unfettered devotion. He wanted her to embrace the gift he was offering, and to accept, no, to require his humble and earnest service. He wanted that inner voice in her head that whispered negative thoughts to pack its bags and leave for good. He wanted the voice that took its place to say, "you are special, you are amazing, you are deserving. Relax and accept his gift."

He longed to be what she wanted him to be, in every circumstance. A fiancé, soon to be her husband; a sous chef to her executive chef mastery in the kitchen, sharing the experience, assisting her, reveling in the sumptuous meals she so loved creating; a gardening partner, sharing ideas and dreams, shaping them into reality; traveling companions the world over, holding hands and experiencing newness at every turn. The list went on in his mind. Every task, every chore, every whim, every dream, every fantasy she had, he longed to embrace, for they would give him new opportunities to demonstrate the unconditional completeness of his love for her. He did not want her to see this as a responsibility or burden. He wanted her to see it as an opportunity for both of them, and a chance to live a more fulfilling life. Though he'd expressed those desires more than once, it was difficult for her to process and accept. Through repetition and consistency in words and action, the messaging started to get through. 

She was getting more comfortable receiving; she was recognizing the benefits to herself in accepting him as he was. Still, she thought, "I like to give pleasure, too. I like to do things for him that make him happy. I still want to be able to do that."  She had pondered this conundrum at great length, and having done so, she reconciled her thoughts. "Well, he wants to please me in every way. So, if it pleases me at times to have him as my submissive, and to have him do as he is told, he will. If it pleases me at times to have him as my equal partner, so he shall be. If it pleases me to take his burden for a while, and tend to him with lovingkindness, because it's my nature, then he will graciously accept my gift."

So, she decided that this weekend, she was going to take charge. They would be together the entire weekend. She was going to assert her dominance, in her own special way, sometimes commanding his every action, sometimes giving him freedom of choice, and sometimes tending to his body, mind and soul. That was what he wanted. That what what she deserved. He was in her thrall, and it was there that his deepest most sincere fantasy lay.

Thanks for reading.

Jen

Sunday, May 9, 2021

Her New Friend

I promised in my last post that I'd write about our adventure last week. We started out slowly and quietly; the two of us naked and embracing under the covers, our legs intertwined, our hands caressing each other and our lips gently locking and releasing in short and erotic cycles. Our warm-up session displayed the deep love we have and served as a beautiful segue from the activity we'd been doing just prior.

We moved on to more heated and intimate activities, but without the toys and props, at least initially.  We arranged ourselves into a few different positions, both of us playing the role of giver and receiver.  One of my lady's favorite positions is when she lies on her back and I kneel next to her.  She is able take part of my cock in her mouth, which she really enjoys, and I can caress her pussy with my fingers.  She gets very wet and engorged when aroused and she loves how I touch her.  I love this position as well, for all the same reasons.  Then, I had an idea.

I excused myself from our arrangement and retrieved the 7.5" realistic dildo that readers will have met a few stories back.  I said, "I brought your new friend out to play."  She smiled.  I placed it at her lips, and she sucked on it for a bit to make it wet. The fact of the matter is, she really didn't need to make it wet, but I thought it'd be fun to offer it to her. It was a turn-on watching her do that, and I'm fairly sure she liked it too.  

Resuming my prior position, she took my cock back in her mouth and I proceeded to rub her new friend over her pussy, and then I pushed it slowly inside her. I worked it gradually and carefully, trying to ensure her wetness lubricated the whole shaft as it penetrated further. Once it was all the way in, I started repeatedly thrusting it into her, gauging her reaction, looking to ensure that it was comfortable and maximized her pleasure.  From her ministrations on my cock and her verbal cues, I'd say I was succeeding.

The only thing about the position we were in is that it's a bit tough on my back and legs, and after a while I felt like I had to change.  We moved into a sixty-nine, with her on top (always).  I brought her new friend to the entrance of her vagina, and while licking her clitoris started to push it back in. The dildo was a little dry, and so I did the logical thing.  I took the head of it into my mouth and got it nice and wet.  I was able to slide it right inside her.  

I have to say, that in many years of reading sex stories, viewing images, and fantasizing about various acts, one that had turned me on more than once was the position in which we were situated; a sixty-nine, with her taking a cock in her pussy and me getting a close-up view while sucking on her clitoris.  Nevermind that this cock was fake; it was real enough for me in this instance, and it really turned me on.  I'm quite confident that it turned her on as well.  I worked the cock vigorously into her while enveloping her clitoris with my lips and gently flicking it with my tongue.  Once I pulled it too far out and it hit me on the face. I opened my mouth and sucked her juices from it, then put it back in. She tastes so good. I felt so submissive and turned-on at that moment, I'd have done anything to please her.

When she came, it was a big one. It went on for a good while as I watched her spasm, squeezing the cock, and I continued to stimulate her orally.  I didn't orgasm that day.  I don't think I should refer to mine as a climax.  I think that her orgasms are our climax because of how much we both love it when she comes.  Mine should be called something else, maybe an aftershock. It's just not as important to me. My lady, my love, my everything feels differently. She wants me to have orgasms. She's happy in a similar way when she makes me cum as I am in the reverse. 

I do of course enjoy my orgasms. I would also be happy to cum if for no other reason than she wants me too.  It's just sometimes, I can't get my head in the right space, and the orgasm eludes me.  Early in our relationship, my inability to climax weighed on both of us. She felt as though it was her fault, somehow. Only through extensive conversation and reassurances has she come to realize that it's all in my head, and it's ok if I don't come.  She has, on occasion, told me that I'm not permitted to come during our lovemaking. That's a headrush for me.  She's also instructed me to be sure and save myself for her by not cumming during the week, even if I masturbate.  I like that she's dabbling with controlling my orgasms. I don't want it to be a burden for her, but I really like abstaining at her behest. 

Thanks for reading.

Jen


Sunday, April 18, 2021

A Double Barrel, of Sorts

This weekend, my lady and I had a new adventure.  We'd been busy all week (as usual), and really motivated to have some good quality time together.  She whispered in my ear on Friday, "you'd better rest up tonight, because I have big plans for you tomorrow."  I did not need to hear that twice.  On Saturday morning, I received further instructions, and taking the initiative to fulfill the explicit ones, but also carry out the spirit of her commands, I proceeded to the bedroom.  

I cleansed myself inside and out, and I took a razor to my entire body.  The only hair I have is on my eyebrows (trimmed) and head (short); I am bare everywhere else.  Post shower, I inserted the largest of my butt plugs, locked myself in my pink Holy Trainer, and wore a pair of pink Vanity Fair Illumination bikini panties.  She loves me in pink, what can I say?  I fastened the bondage straps near the head and foot of the bed, and placed the cuffs on my ankle and wrists.  I then padded downstairs to fetch two wine glasses and a bottle of Pinot Noir, as per her instruction.  

As she announced via text her impending arrival, I finished the preparation with a surprise for her, sliding a dildo harness on, and then latching my ankles and one wrist to the straps.  Oh, the harness held a life-like cock, one of those double-silicone types that is firm but flexible, the same length as mine, and almost as large around. I'm happily endowed with a cock one may not normally associate with a submissive, feminine-feeling and crossdressing sissy. But there you have it. I am as I am, and I try not to bother pondering why.  I pulled the sheet over my body, placed a blindfold over my eyes, and waited.  

I heard her arrive, and ascend the stairs.  Pulling back the covers, she touched the cock (I could feel it move against the harness). "My, my, what have we here," she declared. I said to her, "if you're not comfortable with this, we don't have to have it." Well, trust me, she was comfortable with it.  She removed my blindfold, revealing a sexy lavender teddy that showed off her beautiful, womanly curves. She rubbed her moist pussy and traced her finger across my lips.  She then started stroking the cock. She kissed the head of the cock, and then started sucking on it, locking eyes with me as she did. I was watching her suck cock, right where my cock usually is, but I couldn't feel it (of course). 

The mixed messages that my brain tried to reconcile sent me into a sexual frenzy. It was one of the most erotic events I've ever seen.  What I felt was a combination of excitement from multiple fantasies rolled into one: chastity, submission, feminization, cuckolding.  My actual cock was straining to break free of its confines, but that would have to wait. She moved up and sat on my mouth, so that I could savor her taste, see how wet she was, and feel her magnificently engorged clitoris on my lips and tongue. I could worship her pussy for hours, but alas I was only permitted a minute or two. She then moved down and rubbed the cock all over her pussy, getting it wet. I watched in awe and excitement as she took her new friend into her pussy, as our eyes stayed locked on each other. She rode the cock, and presented her beautiful nipples for me to worship. I met her movements with thrusts of my own, again with my brain expecting but not receiving the normal coordinated signals from my several senses. 

She could have come that way. She got close, and it didn't take long. But she didn't want to. We had a lot of time and a lot more fun to have. She did eventually free my various parts from their various restraints, and we concluded the session quite satisfactorily for both of us.  

We cuddled, cooed, and dozed afterward, having re-expressed our deep and abiding love for each other.  This magical moment was made possible by love, trust, communication, and adventurous spirit.  She is awesome, and I love her more every day. Not just for what I write about here, but for a long, long list of other reasons.  I am very fortunate.

Thanks for reading.

Jen