Chastity, Denial and Pegging

 As I write this post, I am approaching 21 days without an orgasm. By tomorrow I'll be in personal-best territory. It's been a challenging last couple of weeks for me, and not because of the above mentioned abstinence. I've been having difficulty sleeping, and for me that is foundational to my mood and my outlook. Consequently, all of the routine pressures that arise, at work or at home are magnified. I find the news in all its forms completely disheartening and a feeling of doom has threatened to overwhelm me.  My Lady has been very patient with me as I've tried various approaches to solving the problem. The fundamental solution has been to... wait for it... get more shut-eye.  And so I have been able to pay down the sleep deficit and my mood has improved. I still need a set of physical, behavioral and mental changes to enable me to sleep better, including more exercise, less alcohol, less news / social media, more reading of positive books, and perhaps meditation.  

And more sex. The other thing that suffered with my mood drop was our intimacy, which didn't disappear but was limited to weekends. She missed our close physical and emotional contact greatly while I was wallowing in misery. Having emerged from the funk, I know that I missed it as well, and the lack thereof compounded the overall dire outlook.  As I said, She was patient, and welcomed me back into Her loving arms.  That's why I've not been posting for the last few weeks.

I've been trying to use my chastity cages to stay locked and secure, but I have an issue with them. A certain medical treatment that I've undergone has resulted in the temporary reduction in the size of my testicles, and consequently they little fellas slip through the gap between cage and ring, rendering the device useless. It's been frustrating. I'm hopeful that the situation will resolve itself soon, because I miss the physical and psychological effect of being caged, and was looking forward to the day that my Lady and I would decide that it was time to formally hand over the keys. I am aware of other solutions besides ball-trapping devices, but not ready to go there at this time. As things stand now, I'm on the honor system, and while I do take liberties in terms of stroking my morning wood, I have been careful not to orgasm by self-stimulation.

My Lady and I discussed this, and She is not opposed to me masturbating sometimes, even to climax. I really prefer not to, though, because doing so would diminish my drive and take at least a few days to recover. I have encouraged Her to masturbate whenever She desires because her libido is greater and Her recovery time is much shorter. I recently bought Her a Lelo clitoral vibrator that I hope She'll learn to use and enjoy. I find the idea of Her having unlimited orgasms while She restricts mine to be highly erotic and physically practical.

We haven't had a session that I can recall over the past six weeks in which She hasn't pegged me. She's getting really good at it, and She assures me that She loves doing it. I think She is getting off on the power exchange, which of course is a major turn-on for me as well. Yesterday afternoon's session was perhaps the best so far. She stroked my cock in time with Her thrusting the Her strap-on cock into me, slowly rhythmically, while staring into my eyes and saying erotic things to me. We stopped before I came. It was amazing.  All this was after we first brought Her to a long-lasting, intense climax that was stoked by a long session of Her riding my cock followed by mutual oral, with Her on top of course. I really love when She comes on my face!  After resting for a bit, She tied me to the bed, stroked my cock, and fingered my ass until I begged Her to fuck me.

We have a special day coming up this Friday, and I asked Her to deny me until then. At first She had wanted me to climax yesterday while She fucked me, but then She changed Her mind and told me I had to wait. This morning, our wake-up cuddle time evolved into a climax-free fuck, where we both just really enjoyed the feeling of my cock inside Her until She decided to stop. Now we're on with our Monday morning, but with a much better outlook on life than I have had for a while. Afterall, my Lady is my whole world. Her love sustains me.  All of life's problems are invited to kindly go fuck-off and leave us alone.

Thanks for reading,

Jennifer

Making Our Own Fireworks

This Independence Day weekend brought lots of beautiful weather to our little neck of the woods, which we took advantage of it to spend some lovely outdoor time and celebrate the holiday with friends. We also had significant quality time in the boudoir. 

Leading up to and through the weekend, I spent nearly all of it with my cock locked in its 3D printed cage. I like the security of wearing the device, and the psychological effect of keeping myself chaste so that my Lady can have me at the top of my game when it pleases Her. The locking part was true from Wednesday onward. Having orgasmed twice last weekend, my desire for sex suffered diminution for a few days, and my routine of self-locking fell out as a result. By mid-week, things were perking up again, and back I went into the cage. So, it was really only about three days of non-stop chastity for me before the weekend festivities began on Saturday. 

I can lock and unlock at my discretion; the keys are available to me when I choose to use them. I don't know if that will remain true. It will be my Lady's decision if She wants to take away the key access and require me to ask Her for them. I purchased a small clear lock box and plastic locks in case She decides to keep one set for emergencies while hiding the set that She possesses. Also, in preparation for that possibility I've devised a method of showering that enables me to get a very good soapy rinse all around my groin area, so I'm confident that I can remain clean and healthy while locked. I can also shave a fair amount of the area, but complete shaving will definitely require removal at some interval. 

Saturday morning's session was filled with all the things I love: worshipping my Lady and all Her glorious parts, and receiving Her attention in return. It culminated in a lengthy and intense orgasm for Her, brought on ultimately by my oral homage. She really enjoys looking down upon me as I worship Her Pussy, and I love when we make and hold eye contact in those moments. She made it clear that I would not be climaxing that day, as we had the whole weekend and She wanted me ready, willing and able. So, back into the cage I went and we proceeded with our day.

Sunday turned out to be a busy day, with lots of preparations leading up to the social gathering and the fireworks display. We didn't have naked time together, but we spent the whole day being together doing all the other things that loving, married couples do. I so enjoy being in Her company, doing whatever we need to do, so it was still a great day. I know how She feels about me, and I know that She also loves our time together equally as much.

Monday there were more fireworks, but they were the indoor, private kind. I worshipped Her extensively, and She unlocked me to make use of my rigidness. She was planning to just tease for a while, and save Herself for an afternoon session, but things got going so well that She changed Her mind and again orgasmed on my face, this time in a sixty-nine position. I locked myself back up, and She told me that in the afternoon She was going to fuck me.

Fuck me She did, indeed. After preparing myself carefully, I started on the bed, caged, wearing a bralette and panties, cuffed and blindfolded, while She had Her way with me, teasing me and making me ache with desire. After a while, She freed me from the restraints, panties, blindfold and cage, and got off the bed to put on the harness and realistic strap-on cock. While She did that, I started to go a bit soft. Seeing that, She first had me suck Her cock, which I did with enthusiasm, and my hard-on returned in short order. She knew it would. Sucking Her fake cock is a real turn-on.

She then took me in a new way: on my back, my ass raised slightly by pillow and Her standing by the bed. It didn't take long to prepare me, as my ass is getting used to these penetrations. One finger and then two, and a short while later I was ready for Her cock. Not long after penetrating me, She started a rhythm, thrusting deep into me, really fucking me hard. It felt so good. I watched Her expression, and could see how much She was into getting into me. At one point, She said that She's going to need to fuck me with a bigger cock soon. We have a large black dildo that's probably ten inches long and quite thick. The thought of being able to take that beast really got me going and also frightens me a bit. I guess I'm a size queen. :-)

My Lady told me that I could climax, so while She continued to pound my ass I stroked my cock and sucked on the aforementioned black dildo. I came long and hard. It was the most intense orgasm I've had in quite some time. We both went to rinse things off, and I came back thinking we would complete the session by me helping Her climax again, but She was quite content to call and end to the session. She said, "it's ok for it to sometimes be all about you."  She is amazing. 

Unlike last week, I decided that I'd better lock myself up right away. My lady checked later while we were in the kitchen, and She was pleased that I'd done so. We ended the day on the sofa, Her feet in my lap while I massaged lotion into them and generally made Her feel good. 

What I take away from this weekend are these observations: First, our love for each other grows deeper by the day, as we spend time doing everything that we do together. Second, I'm confident that She really loves what we're doing in the bedroom, and that is an essential element. It would ruin things for me if She was just doing it for my benefit. Third, the more She fucks me, the deeper I fall into the submissive role in our marriage. It's difficult for me to act any other way during a given day when I know that I'm going to get fucked good and proper later on. The anticipation hangs in the air, and affects my attitude in a very positive way for that strengthens my respect and love for Her. 

Being the submissive doesn't mean waiting around to be told what to do all the time, or having no say in anything. To me, it comes down to this. I judge my actions each day by a simple test: Is what I'm doing make life better for my Lady? If yes, then I try do it. If no, then I try to avoid it. It means She spends Her time doing what She likes to do, and I spend my time doing what She delegates to me, doing what I see or think of that needs doing, and finding creative ways to serve Her in a manner that She doesn't expect. I don't profess perfection in this regard; I'm a work in progress. But I profess my boundless love for Her, and have dedicated my life to pleasing Her in every way that I can. I have married the perfect Woman for me, and I've never been happier nor more content in my life.

Thanks for reading.

Jennifer

Making the Most of a Small Window

This weekend, my lady and I had only a small window for private time. We made the most of it. It had been a long and busy week, filled with work, family obligations and a few concerts. All of the time I spent with her was grand, but there wasn't enough naked time for our liking.  Saturday afternoon, we finally had our "quality" time. She secured me to the bed and teased me, biting my nipples, rubbing her body across mine, and whispering erotic thoughts into my brain. I fell quickly and deeply into a submissive state. She alternately mounted and sucked my cock, teasing me about how good her juices taste on my cock. I yearned for my chance to taste her, as I cannot get enough of her beautiful, sexy delicious pussy.  She licked my shaft and said, "mmmm, so good," while smiling at me as I lay there, helpless.

Finally, she moved up and mounted my face. I worshipped her for a short while (it's never long enough) and then she went back to teasing me some more. After a bit she got up to pee, and I asked her if she'd please not wipe completely, because I wanted to taste her enhanced wetness. You may recall some time ago (I think I wrote about it) that my lady once inadvertently released some pee while I was worshipping her pussy, and while I enjoyed the experience immensely, she was a bit embarrassed by it. I thought this might be a way to reinforce that I really did enjoy it, and make her feel comfortable. My lady heeded my request, and when she remounted my face, I thought I would lose my mind with lust. Her taste was much as it was previously, but with a saltier edge to it. The actual flavor and the knowledge of what it was made my untouched cock grow, swell and become hard as granite. 

My lady loves to 69 with me while I worship her pussy, because she likes to suck my cock as well.  I think it's our favorite position overall, and one that she very often climaxes in. I get to watch her spasm when she does, and I love that. Another favorite position of mine is when she mounts my face facing the headboard. It enhances my submissive feelings, both due to the focus solely on her pleasure, and the power exchange that comes with eye contact in that situation.

We ended the session in a 69, and my lady had a powerful and long-lasting orgasm. There was no discussion of me having an orgasm. I appreciate that, and take it as a sign of her growing understanding of me and confidence in herself. 

Thanks for reading.

Jen.

Awesome

My lady is awesome. I love her more deeply than I previously understood possible. 

I will recount some of the things I love about her, but inevitably I will neglect some important facet, because there are more aspects to her magnificence than my mind can retain at any given time.  Let me offer a short story about her.

As near as I can tell, my lady never really had a male figure in her life who treated her well.  I shall not recount the details, but neither her father, nor her ex-husbands gave her the respect and love that she deserves. Her exes had issues. I'll leave it at that. Still, she was able to separate their shortcomings from her own image of self-worth to a large degree. She is intelligent, ethical and strong. Not to mention beautiful, funny and so very sexy.

In spite of all that has been thrown her way, and yes, the choices she has made that didn't work out, my lady has been steadfast in her values. Her moral compass has never drifted. She tolerated unacceptable behavior, but only until she reached the decision that there was no longer the possibility of favorable resolution. She raised wonderful children without the support of a good husband, and for that alone she deserves a Medal of Honor.

You might imagine that, having had that history with men, when we started seeing each other her signal flares might have gone off. Danger, danger, Will Robinson... I disclosed as early as I could reasonably do so the "fatal flaws" that I felt that I carried, namely:

• Divorced
• Had an affair
• Crossdresser

I have made many mistakes in my life. I shall not be defined by them. I have learned from them, and have grown substantially as a human as a result of them. Among my my mistakes was marrying a young lady (when I was a young man) with whom I could not communicate and from whom I grew apart. Having an affair was another one - a big one. I rationalized it, of course, but there's no defending it.  All I can to is own up to it, learn from it and move on. 

So, yeah, that's not a list of attributes a lady looks for in her man. It screams, "run for the hills!!!"  Particularly after the prior experiences she's had. It reminds me of this exchange in "As Good As It Gets" 

            CAROL

Why can't I have a normal boyfriend??? Why? Just a regular boyfriend who doesn't go nuts on me... 

BEVERLY

(butting in)

Everybody wants that, dear -- it doesn't exist...

That's definitely how I have felt - not normal. And I'm quite aware that I'm No. 3 of 3 in that regard in terms of the men who've lined up for her affections.

Except for two things. First, I love and respect her immeasurably. That makes me different than her prior men. Second, my lady makes me feel normal. Actually, she makes me feel exceptional. She makes me feel justified being who I am, how I am, and what I am. She sees the goodness in me (yes, I have good traits, too). She loves me for those traits, and she is learning to accept, and, dare I say, embrace my other "non-traditional" characteristics.

These past weekend was a long and glorious one. I had painted my toenails during the week, and as the weekend approached, chose not to remove the polish. My lady has been aware of my penchant for this, and has seen the evidence; I don't always do a great job removing all remnants. I left my socks on when she arrived, and explained why, emphasizing that I didn't want to push her out of her comfort zone. She smiled and said that she wanted to see them, so off came the socks and another step was taken. She complimented me on the job I did and said I looked sexy. What an amazing woman. Have I said that already?

We had a lot of sex this weekend. I cannot recount the events in sequence or in full detail. Frankly, I was too caught up in being with her to spend time committing it all to memory or writing it down. I remember vignettes, and I definitely remember feelings. I spent quite a bit of time, to my extreme pleasure, worshipping her pussy. I love everything about it, the taste, the feeling, the aroma, and most of all, how it makes her feel. I'm good at it, this I know. I told her that I'd love for her to grab hold of my head and just rub her pussy all over my face, using me to climax, and leaving my face a wet, hot mess that I'd leave unwashed for the rest of the day. We did that. Actually, I got a bit eager and did some of the moving myself. This surprised her, and she released maybe a half cup of pee into my mouth and onto my face, drenching me. It was warm and salty and I loved it. She didn't know that she'd done it until I told her. She was embarrassed and apologetic, until she saw how absolutely rock hard my cock had become. I wore her scent for hours. I could smell her and feel her on my skin after it dried. I felt possessed by her, marked and defined as hers, and I reveled in the feeling. I can't wait to repeat it.

She told me that I wasn't allowed to cum on Saturday, that she was going to tease me and then on Sunday she was going to fuck me with her purple strapless dildo. She had come maybe three times by this point in the weekend, and I was clearing the seven day mark since my last orgasm. I wore the cage a lot, including at a party we went to later.  However, being with her, or even thinking of her when we were apart kept me engorged, and I was a bit concerned about continued confinement in that condition, so I freed myself later that evening. A damaged penis is not good for either of us. 

On Sunday morning, we had a cuddle session that turned X-rated. She rode my cock and I worshipped her pussy.  She whispered how she was going to fuck me and make me hers. I fell deeper into sub-space, and begged her to take me in that way.  For the afternoon session, I spent time preparing myself to be the recipient. I still don't have the best procedure, I think, but I was successful in ensuring that I was clean back there. I went to her room (soon to be our room) while she tended to other things. I secured the restraints to my limbs, and my legs and right arm to the bed straps. When she came into the room, I was wearing a chemise, bunched up to my stomach, slowly masturbating with my free hand, and my cock was rock hard. This turned her on quite a bit. She likes watching me masturbate, and having her watch me is a real turn-on. 

As I believe I've mentioned previously, I have a pretty large cock. It measures between 7.5 and 8.0 inches and is proportionally thick. That is unusual in the general population, from the research I've done, and anecdotally even more rare among submissive, crossdressing males. My lady loves my cock, and the feeling is mutual. She loves to suck it, kiss it and tease it. I love watching her, and the feeling of her mouth on my cock is wonderful. We both love when I'm inside her. This is one of the many ways that we fit perfectly together. My lady had her way with me in these regards, and then she released my leg restraints to gain access to my rear opening. Some tongue action, followed by a lubricated finger got me ready. She started with the pink strap-on, which is a bit smaller. My back door has some work to do in order to accommodate larger objects, but we're working towards that. She had me suck her pink cock for a while before getting into position. I think we both like when she watches me do that. I looked at the combined scene and was struck by how unusual and incredibly erotic it was. My chemise, her beautiful, naked, sexy body poised to mount me, the strap-on harness, the pink dildo, my shaved legs, the restraints on my ankles, and my painted toenails. She entered me carefully, giving me time to adjust to the invader. She started moving in me, and we kissed. I looked into her smoky, eyes and was lost in her beauty.

After loosening me up, she switched over to the strapless one. It's going to take some practice to get the technique down so that it gives her the pleasure we seek for her while she fucks me. We stopped after a while, but made good progress. I want for us both to be able to orgasm when she fucks me. I long for the time when we're living together and she'll say, out of the blue, "go get yourself ready, I'm going to fuck you."  Ooooh.  

She did orgasm, using a combination of my mouth, my cock and her nimble fingers. It was a good one, based on my eye-witness account. She decided that she wanted me to come, and I ended up masturbating while she watched.

On Monday, we had more quality time in the morning as a prelude to a more intimate afternoon session. I had suggested that we spend part of the day taking a hike. To be honest, I was looking forward to that as a highlight of the day. I love being with her in all places, and doing all things. As it turned out, after taking care of things at our respective houses, when I returned to her place, my lady announced that we would not be hiking that day. Initially, I was crestfallen. She explained the timeline we had for the remaining part of the day, and determined that there wasn't time for the hike. I didn't argue, but I did express that I was a little disappointed. There are a few takeaways from this interaction. First, I quickly realized that if I truly meant what I said to her numerous times, i.e. "I'll do anything for you," then that includes abiding by her decision when it's not up for debate. This was one of those cases, and I took comfort in being able to follow her lead without drama. Second, it was really hot outside, so a hike at that time of day would have been somewhat miserable. I was happy that she made the decision and that I accepted it. That would have been true even if it had turned out that we did have time. But she was correct. By the time we did the other necessary things, we'd have been left with the choice of a hike or time in the bedroom. Duh.

Our bedroom time focus was on anal again, but this time she was the recipient. She likes it a lot, and we will be doing more of that. I followed her pattern from the day before, staring with my tongue, then my fingers and finally the pink dildo in the strap-on. She's not ready to accommodate my cock, yet. She wanted to repeat the double penetration scene we did once, but I'm having trouble keeping my cock hard and ready to play in that situation. We used the realistic cock as the second player for her pussy, and she came quite hard that way. We closed out the session with her stroking me for a good long while, until her arm got tired. I loved how it felt, and she's learning how to work me, but we have some more practicing to do. I took over for her, and she whispered into my ear. When she told me how she's going to fuck me regularly, I climaxed intensely. She smiled.

I love this woman, more than words can express.

Thanks for reading.

Jen

Recovery

I had a temporary medical issue that put me out of commission for over a week.  Consequently, the my lady and I set a record (for us) for time between sexual activities. Although I offered to lie on the bed and have her make use of my oral skills, she declined, saying that she wanted me to focus on recovering. I can think of no better definition of true love between a couple than for each to put the other's well-being above their own. 

By this past weekend my healing was well underway. On Friday evening after dinner, I stated my desire to lie naked next to her in my bed, even if nothing came of it. She accepted my proposal, and something, or rather someone, came of it. It had been nearly two weeks for us.

By the way, in the counter on this blog, I don't track if my lady takes matters into her own hands when we're apart. She's told me that she sometimes does, and I'm happy for her to do that whenever the mood strikes her. I'm equally happy to save my own orgasms for her, although I do edge myself during the week when the mood strikes. It turns me on to give over orgasm control to her. She is growing more comfortable with the idea.

Back to Friday. She informed me that I would not be coming this night. We stuck to traditional activities, although she denied me the pleasure of worshipping her pussy. As previously articulated, she is meticulous about being fresh down there before allowing me the honor. She had not anticipated my offering to lie naked with her, and thus felt unprepared. I think I could grow to adore lapping at her nether region in nearly any condition if we could both feel sufficiently comfortable. However, since I am also very self-conscious of own hygiene, I completely understand and respect her decision. We ended up with a lovely cuddle session which followed a rather thunderous orgasm brought on by my penis inside her, my fingers and lips on her nipples, and her own hand on her clitoris. There is no more beautiful sight in the world than that of her face in the throes of pleasure. I live for those moments.

Saturday morning started with breakfast together. I'd slept at my house but visited her quite early. I put on my black cock cage - I'd not worn one in nearly two weeks - and presented her the key upon my arrival. After nourishing our bodies, we nourished our souls with an intimate and prolonged foreplay session. She announced that neither of us would be coming this time, but rather we would build the sexual tension for later in the day. It now having been a full two weeks, I was ready to agree to any terms she offered. This time, I reveled in the honor of orally worshipping her. I'm pretty sure I'm addicted to the act. I feel like I'm on another plane when ministering to her sex, and it is never long enough, which only adds to my arousals and deepens my submission.

She unlocked my cage, but did not remove the ring. My cock gets quite engorged when partially constricted like that; rather veiny and deep in color. We're careful to ensure circulation is not entirely cut-off, as accidental castration would be rather contrary to the goals of our sex lives. She enjoyed sucking on it and stroking it. She then mounted me and it felt amazing. After a while she climbed off and said, "I get to taste myself now, you'll have to wait." She licked her own juices from my granite hard cock, while I whimpered in envy, longing for her taste. Finally, she moved up and allowed me the honor of worshipping her glorious pussy. I suckled, licked, and kissed her gently, delicately and reverently. I looked up and watched her sucking on the dildo. I think she does that mostly for my benefit, but it definitely looked like she was enjoying it. I certainly was. We ended not long after, saving ourselves for the afternoon. When my penis gave up and decided to go back to normal size, we locked me back up and she kept the key. Off I went to my house to tend to chores while she did likewise.

The afternoon session started after lunch, with me saying, "if you'll give me the key, I'll unlock and take a quick rinse." Her reply: "who said anything about needing you unlocked today?" That certainly set the tone, and put me where I belong. I loved it!  We set about connecting the straps to the bed, and then me to the straps. She had me locked and bound, and she seemed to relish the power. I watched her touch herself, playing with her nipples and rubbing her pussy lips. My penis struggled mightily against its confines. She teased and licked my cage confined cock, and played with my exposed balls. She got out the dildo again, and sucked on it, then she rubbed her clitoris with it, and finally started fucking herself. I could hear the wetness as I watched her plunge the thing repeatedly into her opening. She pulled it out and made quite a show of licking and sucking her juices from it. I licked my lips and pleaded for a chance to taste her. She just smiled and denied my request. After repeating the act, she took pity on me and the third time she withdrew, she placed the cock at my lips. I sucked it hungrily, tasting her intoxicating wetness, going as deep as I could on that dick. She watched me suck and fucked my mouth with it a little. 

As in the morning session, she removed my cage but not the ring. She mounted me and took her pleasure, riding my cock and sucking the other one. Then she announced it was time to fuck me.  She used a pink dildo on me. As she climbed on the bed, I asked if I should suck her cock first. Eagerly she presented it to my mouth, and just as eagerly I took it in my mouth, bobbing on it, taking it as deep as I could. She said, "ooh, that's hot." It was. I felt so submissive, so feminine as we positioned a pillow under my ass, she fingered me to loosen me up and then entered me.

My previous experiences with her penetrating me have not been unpleasant, but also not really what I would call particularly enjoyable. This time was different, maybe due to the position, the preparation, the two weeks of not having orgasmed, or a combination thereof. She looked into my eyes and moved in rhythmic fashion.  The harness pressed against her sex, making the experience pleasurable for both of us. My cock remained fully erect. She grabbed the other dildo and started sucking it again. Then she leaned in close and I kissed her face with the cock still in her mouth. We started sharing it, licking and kissing it together, and then alternately sucking it. 

It was better than any fantasy I've ever had. It's because all that we do wells from a spring of love, flowing over a waterfall of mutual desire, and into pool of safety, serenity and comfort. We know that we can be uninhibited with each other, and while a lifetime of repression is difficult to shed, we have come a long way, together.

After a little while longer, I asked if she wanted to reverse positions. She went off to clean the pink dildo. When she came back into the room, she found me masturbating, while sucking the other cock. She commented approvingly, although the specific words have escaped my memory at this point. I put the strap-on harness on and inserted the pink dildo into it again. She got on all fours, and I prepared her rear opening. When she was ready, I penetrated her. My cock was firm, but not quite firm enough, and the angle was not optimal for me to enter her pussy with it. Always the problem solver, I reached for the other dildo. And so it happened that I fucked her ass and pussy with two dildos while my own cock remained on standby. She reached under and used her fingers to bring herself to a massive climax in this way. We lay on the bed while she recovered, after I removed the harness. My erection returned with a little casual stroking on my part. She took me in her mouth and teased me further for a while, then laid with me again. She asked how she could help me cum.

At my suggestion, she re-secured me to the bed straps and used a lot of lubricant on my cock. She played with me and it felt amazing to have her do that. Still, I couldn't climax. She asked what we should try, and I asked her to release my hands so that I could masturbate while she watched. She watched closely, sucking on the dildo while I brought myself off. It was massive, and a large load soon covered my stomach and hands. She used the dildo to wipe some of it up and licked it off. We laid together in the blissful afterglow of an adventurous and very sexually rewarding session. 

Sunday morning, after breakfast, I announced that I was going to lie naked on the bed for a while, and invited my lady to join me. I sort of figured she might.  :-)  It was a sensual follow-up to the prior day's festivities, and it concluded with an intense climax for her. We planned for more fun later in the day, but things got in the way. We ended up naked in bed in the evening, where we cuddled and had some brief oral and penetrative exchanges, but alas we were too tired and had had a few too many glasses of wine to be fully effective. We fell asleep in each other's arms.

It's difficult to explain how joyous our adventure is. Both of us, for different reasons, have repressed or perhaps not discovered our sexuality previously. Through a lot of conversation, open-mindedness, respect, trust, and most of all, love, we have enriched our lives and become even more deeply committed to each other than ever.

Thanks for reading.

Jen

A Memorable Weekend

I'm afraid I waited a bit long to write about the rest of our weekend, so some of what I'm going to say might be inaccurate, but I'll do the best I can. Specific details might be juxtaposed or flat-out wrong, but the feeling is not lost. Being in her presence fills me with happiness beyond words.

On Sunday, we had a bit of a recovery day. She came to my place and brought breakfast. We did some decluttering to help me get closer to moving in with her, dropped off some clothes at a charity collection place, did some shopping, had lunch, and generally hung out all day.  I was locked in my new Kink3D device. In the late afternoon, I worshipped her pussy and she had a satisfying orgasm.  She told me I wasn't allowed to come this day, which was a turn-on. We dined, and I spent the night with her, unlocked. 

I brought pajamas and a robe to wear in the morning. I'm trying not to push my crossdressing; it's far less important to me than she is, and her comfort takes precedence. She has been supporting of me, even directing me to wear a chemise during love-making, and she tells me I look hot. Not nearly as hot as she, but I greatly appreciate the compliments. One evening this weekend, we wore matching style chemises of mine; she chose the pink one and I wore black (the one she'd worn the night before). That was fun.

On Monday, we awoke and cuddled in bed. There's no better way to start a day than embracing the one you love. Things heated up and soon she was riding my cock, and oh that felt so nice. She orgasmed that way, with a little help from her fingers on her clitoris, and mine on her nipples. She didn't want me to go down on her, which I totally understand. We're both super conscious of being clean and smelling nice. At the same time, I get really turned on by her womanly aroma and taste when the opportunity to worship her occurs not immediately after she showers. Maybe that's a boundary that is somewhat movable. I went home to tend to some things, and she did likewise. We had some family obligations in the mid-afternoon, and then went to my place after, in separate cars. I prepared things while awaiting her arrival.  

She had several specific instructions. I asked if I should be locked or unlocked.  "Locked," she said with authority and without hesitation. That caused some swelling. I also arranged a camera on a tripod and some mirrors. The camera was screencast to the bedroom TV. She wanted to watch the action from different angles. I obviously didn't hit "record." I wondered if that was something she'd want. In one sense, that could be fun, but the risk of later accidental exposure is something to consider seriously.

When she arrived, I was in bed, three limbs secured to the straps, wearing a red chemise and my black cage. All the toys were clean and ready. She came in, attached my free arm and disrobed, revealing a sexy black lace teddy enshrouding her gorgeous, womanly body. Things were getting pretty tight down there by this point.

She teased me, playing with my caged cock, pinching and biting my nipples, making me beg to worship her pussy, and giving me just the briefest taste now and again. I'm thinking that physical addiction to pussy might be a thing, because in addition to loving her so, I absolutely yearn for her taste. She touched herself, and placed her sticky delicious fingers in my mouth. So hot. She used the seven inch cock that looks like mine, rubbing it all over her pussy. I watched her taste it. Then she fucked herself with it while I stared, in awe. She pulled it out and offered the cock to me. I sucked it hungrily, tasting her sweetness. 

Eventually she untied and uncaged me, as she had other plans. I donned the strap-on with the pink dildo. With her on all fours, I lubricated her rear channel, and penetrated her. The intent was for my cock to penetrate her pussy at the same time, but it wasn't cooperating. Despite being really turned on by the whole scene, I couldn't get things going on my end. She improvised, rubbing my semi-erect cock against her clitoris while I fucked her ass. She sucked on the seven inch cock, while we watched ourselves on the TV. I was really hot, and she came furiously. We cuddled for a bit, and I started fondling myself. She told me she likes to watch me do that. With her encouragement, I got harder. 

She wanted me to come, so we decided to try the missionary position. She whispered how this was my chance to come, because afterward she was going to lock me up for the week. That definitely made me harder. I whispered that once we're married and under the same roof that I want her to have all the keys to my devices. I sensed a climax inbound, and it definitely felt like I was coming. My cock also rather quickly deflated. However, I didn't actually cum. No semen came out. It was odd, but not unsatisfying. While she watched, I inserted two fingers into her pussy to check.  I pulled them out and tasted them. All her, no me. Hmmm. It's ok, because it did feel like a climax. I just fired a blank round for some reason. 

The rest of the evening was spent over dinner and relaxing in front of the TV. Every day that I spend with her, I love her more. She is my world, my everything. 

Thanks for reading.

Jen

Weekend Fun

I am playing catch-up on our activities, as we had a highly active week and weekend, and not a lot of time to write. In the last episode, our heroes were basking in the afterglow of a Wednesday session. On Thursday, we continued the fun, this time at her place.

After a long day of work for both of us, I showered and brought dinner to her house. Do not think me too special for that; it was leftovers that she had prepared the night before at my house. We sat on the deck for a bit. She talked on the phone with a few folks about some important things, I fetched some wine, and positioned my chair so that she could place her beautiful feet on my lap. I basked in the glow of the evening sun and the brilliance of her beauty, gently massaging her legs and feet, looking upon this most beautiful woman. Being in her presence, contacting her skin, I drifted into a submissive state, and cleared from my mind the challenges of a difficult workday. From that moment, and for the rest of the evening, I wanted only to please her in every possible way. After her calls, we had a pleasant conversation to catch up on the happenings of our lives and had dinner.

Afterward, I asked if she wanted to relax somewhere comfortable, nodding to the stairs. We proceeded to her bedroom. While she tended to herself in the bathroom, I stripped to just my pink HT and then strapped myself her to bed (yes, she still had the bondage gear attached), locking my ankles and left wrist. She smiled when she entered, locking my right wrist in place. The feeling of being bound and helpless in the presence of the woman I love and trust with my life is incredible. It was not long before she settled upon my face and my lips and tongue were dancing across her majestic feminine folds. After a while, she turned around and I continued my worship, while she toyed with my restrained cock and balls. As is normally the case, she wanted me inside her and for me to use my hands, and she undid the wrist restraints and unlocked the HT. I helped remove the base ring because it is a bit tricky to do in an aroused state. She alternatively rode my cock while I suckled and gently pinched her breasts and rode my face. It is such a turn-on for me to be of service to her. She came while I was inside her, and I watched her face in love and awe as she rode the wave of a massive orgasm. We snuggled for a while, caressing and kissing gently. I returned home, without locking myself back up, and went to bed.

Friday evening, we ate at my place, and then went to hers to spend the night. I had worn my steel cage all day and replaced it after showing again at the end of the workday. As we were both tired, we went to bed and fell asleep rather quickly. At around 3:00 AM, we found ourselves both awake. One thing led to another and soon I was worshipping her pussy again. My cock was trying to burst its metal prison and started to get a bit uncomfortable. We removed the cage part, but I was too engorged to get the ring off. She stroked my raging boner, with veins bulging, impressed with the extra hardness caused by the ring. She mounted me, and I could tell that she loved how it felt. She came again, gloriously. When things calmed down a bit, I was able to remove the ring, and we slept the rest of the night.

Saturday and early Sunday were busy with things that are not the stuff of sex blogs. On Sunday afternoon, she came over. I had prepared dinner and wanted it all set to make later so we could have some alone time in the bedroom. The whole meal prep task is a bit like foreplay for me. I love pleasing my lady in every way, and that includes making meals for her to enjoy.

Something had been bothering me, and I had difficulty putting my finger on it. Of course, she sensed it immediately, and we had a long discussion. I finally was able to describe it toward the end of the evening, but I will reveal it now. I have no doubt that she loves me deeply. I have no doubt that I love her as deeply. My difficulty is that I sometimes do not love myself as I should. It is important to feel good about yourself, to objectively appreciate your good qualities, and to accept those parts of you that you might wish were not there, or different, recognizing that humans are an evolutionary way point on a meandering route to survival and not a perfectly designed end state. 

For me, crossdressing has been a decades-long behavior, and I do not realistically see it coming to an end any time soon. My lady accepts "all of me," but at the same time I know it is a really, really big ask to have her deal with this part of me. She has been so incredibly supportive, comforting and amazing, and I could not have hoped for a better response from her. Still, I sometimes wish I could just make this part of me go away, to simplify things. I get down on myself about that, and that's how I was feeling.

She wanted to help me feel better and asked what she could do. I asked her to make love to me, and to hold me. I know, those are rather feminine types of responses, aren't they? Well, it is how I felt, so it is what I said. We did make love. She had crotch-less panties and matching bra under her dress, I had white panties under my clothes. We were quickly down to those and not much later we were naked. No toys today. No lingerie, dildos, restraints, or plugs. Just us. It was fabulous. She talked dirty to me, telling me that she was going to come on my face, and I worshipped her body. She sucked my cock, and told me she wanted to taste my cum. She watched as I masturbated, saying other sexy things to me, encouraging me. I told her that I needed her to come first, and so she did, riding my cock while I pinched her nipples, and she rubbed her clitoris on me. I could tell it was a huge one. She rolled over and I entered her in the missionary position. That is normally the way I climax, as I can thrust vigorously that way. 

I suppose that abstaining for a week, coupled with multiple mid-week sessions had me harder than usual, because it felt really good to both of us. In fact, it felt so good to her that she orgasmed again. That has not happened before; her coming twice in one session, and with me on top. Alas, my bigger sex organ, my brain was still not fully resolved of its inner turmoil, and climax eluded me again. That only bothers me for two main reasons. First, my lady wants me to have orgasms. It pleases her when I do. Second, physically, things are getting a bit backed up down there. Maybe during the week, we will have a chance to address that. Otherwise, I may continue my abstinence for another week.

By my count, my lady had five orgasms this week, while I had zero, and so ten for her to one for me in the last two weeks. It feels right to me that she should have some high number for each one of mine. 

Thanks for reading.

Jen

P.S. I added a couple of counters on the left side of the blog. Just experimenting with that.

A Fantasy Weekend

It began on Friday in the early afternoon. They both had the day off, but she had some things to do in the morning that did not require his participation. They had discussed the upcoming weekend, and she had sent him a list of expectations and preparations. She provided only and outline of the itinerary, thus allowing her the flexibility to make on-the-fly changes. 

He, having been locked and chaste for coming up on two weeks, was energetic and full of anticipation. He set his preparation with seriousness and focus. He'd waited his whole life for a weekend like this, and he was desperate not to fuck it up. Having confessed his deepest fantasy to her, he looked at himself in the mirror as he shaved and reflected on the direction his life had taken since they'd met. He had known about his submissiveness for practically the whole of his life. He'd suffered heartache and humiliation (not the good kind) because, well, men aren't supposed to be submissive. They aren't supposed to be crossdressers. They aren't supposed to be sissies. They aren't supposed to value the woman's pleasure more than their own. 

She did not see him as submissive when they met. They had fallen in love quickly, and he did his best to be open and honest about his nature from the outset. For someone not used to seeing people in the context of "dominant" or "submissive," what he had to say was not easily internalized. It was only after countless hours of conversation, endless hours of her own research, and hundreds of sessions of love-making that she began to understand him, and something about herself as well.

A beautiful woman in every sense of the term, she also gained great satisfaction from giving, and not only to those whom she loved. She was kind to strangers, to the downtrodden, and to creatures of all species. Her heart opened to those who, like herself, had not been treated well in the past. 

She had not thus far had the benefit of finding a man who would treat her with the respect, love, and kindness that she so deserved. Until she met him. Her life changed that day. The road they were now on was not what she'd ever expected or could even have imagined. But each day, as he expressed and demonstrated his ever-deepening love to her, she felt herself changing inside. She was silly, funny, snarky, and playful and they filled each other with laughter in the kitchen, in the car, and nearly everywhere. She felt safe for the first time expressing her sexuality.  She wore sexy lingerie, she touched herself while he watched. She tied him up, blindfolded him, and bid him to worship her womanhood. As she asserted control over their lovemaking, he surrendered willingly, providing assurances that reinforced her confidence to take them further down the road than either had ventured previously.

"You are the love of my life," he'd said to her. "There is nothing that I would not do to please you, and to make your life better."  She believed him, but she didn't fully fathom the depth of that declaration, nor visualize the possibilities. She'd received his worshipful ministrations, been the beneficiary of a tongue that danced and flitted across her most sensitive and moist regions, taking her on orgasmic journeys to heights she'd never achieved. She witnessed the firmness of his erections whenever he pleased her orally, without any direct stimulation, and understood that his devotion was sincere. Whenever he entered her, he moved in ways to maximize her pleasure. He could go indefinitely, remaining hard and not climaxing, so long as it was pleasing to her. He would stop without climaxing if she so desired.

She wanted to reciprocate, as was her nature. She said to him, "tell me your fantasy, and I will make it come true."  She had a good idea by now what made him tick. She felt him grow harder inside her that time she whispered, "you are not allowed to cum today. Maybe tomorrow."  She heard the moan escape his lips when she bid him to wear lingerie, and then caressed him and told him how sexy he was. She anticipated that his fantasy would be along those lines, pushing the envelope further.

He thought long and hard about what he wanted, what to say. It was a complex question. An easy answer, consistent with the stories and videos easily found on the web, would involve her doing various things to him, the details of which the reader may imagine for themselves. She could tie him up and tease him for hours maybe, or peg him while he was in chastity, or maybe dress him like a maid and have him do her laundry, cleaning, etc. But these were not his ultimate fantasy. Oh, to be sure, they were stories he'd read, and masturbated to. Stories and images that got him off, sometimes. He thought to be careful not to idealize, not to project an unrealistic vision of a "perfect" scene that would playout exactly as he imagined. No, any fantasy-come-true would be different. It would be less of a caricature and more real. There would be uncertainty, nervousness and goofs. They would maintain a sense of humor, and not embody the stoic seriousness that he'd typically found in his browsing. He anticipated that these scenes might one day happen, tailored to the two of them. If she wished. 

That was the thing. What he wanted, more than anything, was for her to see herself as he did. He wanted her to realize and accept that she was deserving of his full and unfettered devotion. He wanted her to embrace the gift he was offering, and to accept, no, to require his humble and earnest service. He wanted that inner voice in her head that whispered negative thoughts to pack its bags and leave for good. He wanted the voice that took its place to say, "you are special, you are amazing, you are deserving. Relax and accept his gift."

He longed to be what she wanted him to be, in every circumstance. A fiancé, soon to be her husband; a sous chef to her executive chef mastery in the kitchen, sharing the experience, assisting her, reveling in the sumptuous meals she so loved creating; a gardening partner, sharing ideas and dreams, shaping them into reality; traveling companions the world over, holding hands and experiencing newness at every turn. The list went on in his mind. Every task, every chore, every whim, every dream, every fantasy she had, he longed to embrace, for they would give him new opportunities to demonstrate the unconditional completeness of his love for her. He did not want her to see this as a responsibility or burden. He wanted her to see it as an opportunity for both of them, and a chance to live a more fulfilling life. Though he'd expressed those desires more than once, it was difficult for her to process and accept. Through repetition and consistency in words and action, the messaging started to get through. 

She was getting more comfortable receiving; she was recognizing the benefits to herself in accepting him as he was. Still, she thought, "I like to give pleasure, too. I like to do things for him that make him happy. I still want to be able to do that."  She had pondered this conundrum at great length, and having done so, she reconciled her thoughts. "Well, he wants to please me in every way. So, if it pleases me at times to have him as my submissive, and to have him do as he is told, he will. If it pleases me at times to have him as my equal partner, so he shall be. If it pleases me to take his burden for a while, and tend to him with lovingkindness, because it's my nature, then he will graciously accept my gift."

So, she decided that this weekend, she was going to take charge. They would be together the entire weekend. She was going to assert her dominance, in her own special way, sometimes commanding his every action, sometimes giving him freedom of choice, and sometimes tending to his body, mind and soul. That was what he wanted. That what what she deserved. He was in her thrall, and it was there that his deepest most sincere fantasy lay.

Thanks for reading.

Jen

A Double Barrel, of Sorts

This weekend, my lady and I had a new adventure.  We'd been busy all week (as usual), and really motivated to have some good quality time together.  She whispered in my ear on Friday, "you'd better rest up tonight, because I have big plans for you tomorrow."  I did not need to hear that twice.  On Saturday morning, I received further instructions, and taking the initiative to fulfill the explicit ones, but also carry out the spirit of her commands, I proceeded to the bedroom.  

I cleansed myself inside and out, and I took a razor to my entire body.  The only hair I have is on my eyebrows (trimmed) and head (short); I am bare everywhere else.  Post shower, I inserted the largest of my butt plugs, locked myself in my pink Holy Trainer, and wore a pair of pink Vanity Fair Illumination bikini panties.  She loves me in pink, what can I say?  I fastened the bondage straps near the head and foot of the bed, and placed the cuffs on my ankle and wrists.  I then padded downstairs to fetch two wine glasses and a bottle of Pinot Noir, as per her instruction.  

As she announced via text her impending arrival, I finished the preparation with a surprise for her, sliding a dildo harness on, and then latching my ankles and one wrist to the straps.  Oh, the harness held a life-like cock, one of those double-silicone types that is firm but flexible, the same length as mine, and almost as large around. I'm happily endowed with a cock one may not normally associate with a submissive, feminine-feeling and crossdressing sissy. But there you have it. I am as I am, and I try not to bother pondering why.  I pulled the sheet over my body, placed a blindfold over my eyes, and waited.  

I heard her arrive, and ascend the stairs.  Pulling back the covers, she touched the cock (I could feel it move against the harness). "My, my, what have we here," she declared. I said to her, "if you're not comfortable with this, we don't have to have it." Well, trust me, she was comfortable with it.  She removed my blindfold, revealing a sexy lavender teddy that showed off her beautiful, womanly curves. She rubbed her moist pussy and traced her finger across my lips.  She then started stroking the cock. She kissed the head of the cock, and then started sucking on it, locking eyes with me as she did. I was watching her suck cock, right where my cock usually is, but I couldn't feel it (of course). 

The mixed messages that my brain tried to reconcile sent me into a sexual frenzy. It was one of the most erotic events I've ever seen.  What I felt was a combination of excitement from multiple fantasies rolled into one: chastity, submission, feminization, cuckolding.  My actual cock was straining to break free of its confines, but that would have to wait. She moved up and sat on my mouth, so that I could savor her taste, see how wet she was, and feel her magnificently engorged clitoris on my lips and tongue. I could worship her pussy for hours, but alas I was only permitted a minute or two. She then moved down and rubbed the cock all over her pussy, getting it wet. I watched in awe and excitement as she took her new friend into her pussy, as our eyes stayed locked on each other. She rode the cock, and presented her beautiful nipples for me to worship. I met her movements with thrusts of my own, again with my brain expecting but not receiving the normal coordinated signals from my several senses. 

She could have come that way. She got close, and it didn't take long. But she didn't want to. We had a lot of time and a lot more fun to have. She did eventually free my various parts from their various restraints, and we concluded the session quite satisfactorily for both of us.  

We cuddled, cooed, and dozed afterward, having re-expressed our deep and abiding love for each other.  This magical moment was made possible by love, trust, communication, and adventurous spirit.  She is awesome, and I love her more every day. Not just for what I write about here, but for a long, long list of other reasons.  I am very fortunate.

Thanks for reading.

Jen  

Getting Comfortable with the Cage

Last weekend, my lady gave me the following instructions (paraphrased due only to my imperfect memory).  "When I come over later today, I want you on the bed, wearing only your  pink panties, and your pink chastity cage.  I'm going to tie you down and do things to you."  I didn't need to hear that twice!

Have I mentioned how amazing she is? There was no room for question in her directive, and none in my mind. In fact, I not only fully complied with her instructions, I made some reasonable extrapolations.  

I began by showering and shaved everywhere. I keep my body hair free; done so for years. I've never been hairy in any case, so it's not difficult.  Other than what little remains on top of my head, and my eyebrows, both of which are kept short, I'm bare.  The intimate and feminine act of shaving my legs, genitals, chest, arms and arm pits remains a turn-on for me, even after all these years. After we met, I was a bit concerned with how she might feel about my smoothness. It turns out that she keeps herself entirely follicle-free as well, save for her beautiful, flowing mane and sculpted and sexy eyebrows, and she finds me quite sexy, thank you very much!  She also was a bit concerned with my opinion of her bare nether region, and of course she is the sexiest woman on Earth so far as I'm concerned, so it was a very pleasant surprise and another area of personal overlap when we revealed our mutual preference.

After shaving, I locked myself in my pink Holy Trainer.  I also inserted a "prostate milking tool" butt plug that I bought from HT when I bought the cage.  It takes a bit of practice to insert due to it's shape, but once settled in, it feels nice.  I've never actually tried to milk myself with it, but it definitely adds to my submissive feelings.  Lastly, I put on my pink panties. These are actually designed for men, and are one of the few panties that I wear that are.

When she texted that she was on her way, I pulled the covers off the bed, revealing the straps that I'd secured earlier.  I put cuffs on my extremities, and fastened my ankles to the bed.  When she came into the house, I put on a blindfold and secured my left wrist tot he strap.  My lady was quite pleased with my compliance to her commands. and appreciated the extra distance I went.  She quickly clipped my right wrist into place.  The feeling of giving up control to the woman you love and trust completely is divine.

We've talked a lot about this journey that we're on.  She's told me how safe and comfortable she feels around me, and around the things we do. As a result, she's feeling more and more emboldened. As her confidence grows, so does her sexiness, which I hadn't thought possible, given how sexy she already is.  She made some approving comments, and traced the outline of my cage, through the panties.  This was my our first time with her seeing me actually wearing the device, and her coos and quiet whispers made quite clear that she approved. She then described the outfit she wore, which the blindfold prevented me from enjoying, at least for the moment.  Well, she didn't really explain very much, but I heard a zipper, and then I felt her move her body over mine, and I was soon tasting her.  She was very wet and engorged. There is nothing, nada, zilch, nil, that I love more than orally pleasing her. I could do it for hours, every day. Alas this time was short, because she wanted me unlocked (not unbound though), so she got the key and almost immediately I was at full mast and ready to go.  Physically, we fit together as perfectly, as we do emotionally, intellectually, ethically, and in every other aspect of our lives. We both prefer her on top, where she can control the action, and I can use my fingers to pinch or my mouth to suckle her very responsive nipples. Our play continued for quite a while. I am sure that I've never been harder, nor more turned on than I was that day.  I don't imagine she was either, given the physical evidence, aural indications, and rapturous climax she experienced, which was followed shortly thereafter by my own. 

I never knew what love was until I met my lady.  I love her on every level, and I am grateful for whatever happenstance aligned our lives so that we could meet. Our sex lives are but one aspect of how we express our love.  

Our journey continues.

Thanks for reading.

Jen