It's Working

I underwent a hormone replacement procedure recently. The intent was to increase my energy level and also to sleep better during the night.  As we age, our hormone levels diminish, for the simple reason that there isn't an evolutionary benefit to people who are past their child rearing years to continue to have the urge to procreate. I suppose there is a benefit to the furtherance of our genetic material if the older folks would kindly step out of the way.  Well, I'm not ready to do that, fuck you very much. My lady isn't either, and it was on her advice that I went ahead and scheduled the procedure.  For the first week, I gained no benefit, but rather had some minor discomfort from the incision. For the next week, things were sort of neutral; I wasn't uncomfortable anymore, but also wasn't feeling any benefits.

I would say that things have changed now, and for the better. Last night, a Tuesday no less, we made out like teenagers on the sofa. It was erotic, suckling her breasts while they enveloped the two chastity keys that she keeps on her necklace, knowing one of them was for the device I was wearing. I have been alternating between my steel cage and my pink Holy Trainer, and this night it was HT's turn. We were both quite aroused, but stopped before going too far.  

My lady is still recovering from the weekend. We think she had at least five orgasms, two on Friday, two on Saturday, and one on Sunday. I never thought losing count of orgasms was a thing before. I abstained from climaxing until after her fifth one, but I was quite active with her. I pleased her orally and with penetration, repeatedly. Her climaxes are the highlights of our lovemaking, without question.  I definitely enjoy mine, and I know that she does. too. It's just that my climaxes are fleeting, lasting maybe ten seconds or so, while hers seem to go on for much longer. On the other hand, if I don't climax during our sessions, then I'm just that much more on edge, attentive to my love, and eager to please her the next time. In fact, I'm eager to please her in between, showing her in every way how much she means to me. That's not to say that my love for her is only driven by my sexual urges. No, no, it is far deeper than that. Spiritual, I might say if I believed in that sort of thing. I love her on every level. We are best friends, and we love being together and doing everything together. If we were not lovers (perish the thought!), she'd still be the best friend I've ever had.

The hormone replacement, for me at least, has not diminished my submissive or feminine feelings. If anything, they are amplified, along with my overall sex drive. I don't suppose I should have expected anything different, but I wasn't sure, and it was an interesting observation. I'm not a medical person, so my understanding of the whole hormonal balance thing is elementary. I do know that both men and women manufacture the "male" testosterone and the "female" estrogen, and that balance between them is important. I suppose I was curious to see if the therapy, which changed the balance, might change my desires proportionally. I'm here to claim a single data point in the experiment; the answer is a definite no. The rising tide has lifted all boats. Not only do I feel more sexually energetic as a whole, I also feel  stronger submissive and feminine desires in line with the overall increase in my libido.

My lady reassures me, repeatedly, that she loves all of me, and I believe her. I know it's true. Our recent times together have included my wearing a new animal print chemise with matching panties, and a cute little pajama set - tank top, shorts and a robe, both of which she commented on approvingly, and caressed softly.  After she did so, I pointed to the protrusion tenting my shorts and asked, "do these pajamas make my dick look big?"  She laughed and said, "no, your dick makes your dick look big."  :-)

We are both benefiting from the fortune that has befallen me in that regard. I didn't earn it, but am grateful for having been endowed with a larger than average cock. We fit together very nicely, and it feels so good to both of us when I'm inside her.  I can also last as long as she wants me to. In fact, my issues is generally whether I can climax at all, not whether I cannot hold out until she is satisfied.

That's another thing I've pondered. In most stories and blogs I read about submissives, crossdressers and sissies, they are undersized and subject to prematurely ejaculating. Thus, as the stereotype goes, they are humiliated and embarrassed by their lack of endowment and performance. The feelings wrap around upon themselves, and they get sexually charged by being subjugated by their ladies, to all sorts of predictable ends, including feminization, long-term chastity, servitude, pegging, public exposure, cuckolding, and "forced" bi-sexuality.  I don't read about men with larger cocks who can last for a long time having those feelings or finding their way down the path I just mapped out. It's not a surprise, really, but I do find myself at odds with at least part of that stereotype.

I am, to be sure, a submissive crossdresser. My lady and I have spoken at some length about some of the various aspects of a Domme/sub relationship that includes crossdressing. Neither of us finds embarrassment and humiliation to be appealing. We love, admire and respect each other on every level. Our sex life is an expression and extension of that. We verbalize and physically demonstrate our love while making love, and it is glorious. It happens that my sexuality is closely linked to femininity - worshipping her, submitting to her desires, putting her pleasure first, and feeding my own feminine urges - while at the same time using my masculine endowment to bring us both heightened pleasure.

I've pondered my own sexuality for decades, but have never had a partner who was so open-minded, adventurous, and loving before I met my lady, and thus have never acted other than in a solo fashion, with exaggerated fantasies as my stimulus. She is rather new to this whole aspect of sex as recreation and adventure. Her ex was not, shall be say, open-minded. We are exploring our new world, together. We are not in a rush. We communicate regularly about what works and what doesn't, at what pace we may proceed, and what routes we may explore. It's the journey that matters, not the destination. What is most important is that we are on this road together. Always and forever.

Thanks for reading.

Jen